Monday, March 29, 2010

sometimes things just stick

I'm sure y'all are surprised to hear from me again! I never thought I would emerge from the pile of work I've been under. When I would dream of working for myself, there was lots of working out, sitting in the sun, shopping, vacations etc. Let me just tell you it's absolutely nothing like that. Don't get me wrong, it's great and I don't have to drive 50 miles a day but somehow I managed to fall into a vicious cycle of working from 7am to 8pm and literally doing nothing else. Somehow I managed to lose 2 pounds but that's probably from my muscles withering away to nothing.

After my little wake up call with the surgeon you would think I would have been right back in the gym. Instead I crawled into my office cave and hid behind my mac for 2 weeks. Until today.

2 things hit me like a kettle bell to the head recently.

First, I was at my moms over the weekend and she was really concerned about how stressed I've been. We were talking about how all my working life, the single and/or childless people were always the ones who got stuck doing all the long hours. In fact, my best friend says that at her next job she's going to put some frames up with kids pictures in them and claim them as her own. Once again, everyone on my team has kids so there's all kinds of doctors appts and school things and sicknesses. So mom says, "You can be your own kid. Treat your body as your child. If your child had to exercise you would make sure it got done. If your kid had to go to the doctor you wouldn't hesitate." My mother is so wise and that simple statement has completely changed my mindset.

The second revelation was a strange one to me and I would almost feel bad about it if it hadn't been so helpful to me. Last week the ING Marathon took place here in Atlanta. It's something I've always wanted to do because it takes place on my side of town and goes through all the great neighborhoods. I noticed on Facebook that the girlfriend of a friend of mine was running the half but what hit me was her boyfriend (my friend) was driving around town to watch her go by, drinking coffee and posting about it on Facebook. They both struggle with their weight (even more so since they moved in together) but she was DOING and he was sitting on his ass watching. I thought to myself, that's me. Right now. I'm that fat guy (girl in this case!) sitting at the coffee shop watching people run by. Why am I not running in the half marathon if that's what I want to do??? It's haunted me like a bad dream ever since.

Today I started 9 weeks of couch to 5k and I'm not going to stop until I can do this half marathon next year. I have an entire year to work up to it. If I can walk 4 and a half marathons (120 miles!!) on the 3-Day then certainly I can work my way up to running 13.1.

I think I needed something to work toward. A longer term goal other than just losing weight. I feel inspired. I even figured out how to make my couch to 5k playlist with the run/walk commands over top of it so I don't have to do the math! Hooray for no math!

Hope you all are doing well and feeling great!!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Getting serious(er)

Again, I've been a terrible blogger but things have been crazy as always.

Good news - turns out I don't have to have surgery.
Bad news - still too fat

I went to see the surgeon on Friday and was really feeling better after waiting a week to see him. He poked at my stomach, got out his little BMI wheel and told me he would operate on me right away if he could find anything. The cause of my pain was most likely due to the excess weight around my middle. He asked me if I'd ever considered bariatric surgery and as the tears started he said, "I can see in your eyes that you want to do something". I said I would consider talking to someone about it and then he left the room. A minute later he was back with not one but 2 bariatric surgeons. I was taken by surprise and said well I didn't think you meant NOW!

I sat through the discussion with an open mind. I looked at an actual lap band and was surprised how big it was. I asked him if they made a petite version for us smaller folks and that was a no. I could never have that thing in me forever anyway. On to the next options. All the gastric bypass options sound great. In theory. I left with a ton of information and a checklist of things I would have to do to qualify for the surgery health wise and insurance wise.

I met up with my husband who works at the hospital and I was in tears for most of the rest of the day. We talked a lot about it but I knew I had to talk to someone who has had it done. My sister has a friend who was kind enough to talk to me about her surgery. She was thrilled with it. Said she wished she had done it years earlier but I really had to know what it was like to eat or not eat as the case may be and what about the vomiting? The answers to those questions were what I needed to confirm how seriously life changing weight loss surgery is ...and it's forever.

I can't figure out if I think of it differently having lost 100 pounds once on my own. Is that what's keeping me from listening to the 3rd doctor to tell me I need to have surgery? Sometimes I think my dad is looking down on me saying "Just have the damn surgery. Don't you think I would have if I would have had the chance?" He struggled with his weight as long as I can remember and it eventually killed him at 49.

Deep down, way down, I know I could never do it. I have to keep fighting, working hard and face it knowing that my obesity is just now starting to cause me health problems. I'm lucky that I don't have diabetes, sleep apnea, girlie problems or high blood pressure but is it lurking around the corner? If you ask the doctors the answer is yes.

Either way this is a big wake up call. Right now, I choose a life of working out 7 days a week over throwing up and not being able to eat. I know I can do it which is what drives me but I also know why and respect the people choose the surgery. It's not an easy way out by any means and I'm extremely happy for everyone who has been successful, regardless of what it took to get there.

It feels great to be back to working out since the doctor said it was okay. I've been walking and swimming and just trying to do a little more every day. Now after spending all morning blogging, time for some work and an early lunch. Swimming makes me STARVING...ever since I was a kid! Hope everyone is well. I will do some catching up while I eat my lunch!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Just call me Dr. House

Because I'm a brilliant diagnostician and I'm on Vicodin!

Yes I was right about the umbilical hernia. My doc was a little worried about it because she said I shouldn't be in as much pain as I was so she ran some rush labs making sure I didn't have an infection or anything. She tried calling her surgeon friend but it was already too late in the day on a Friday for us to get anywhere.

Hopefully I'll be meeting with the surgeon in the next day or 2 and getting this over with fast. I've read different things about the actual surgery but methods vary based on the size of the problem so I will have to get the full scoop from the doctor (imagine that!!)

I'm not too worried about it but I'm not sure if it's really sunk in yet. I've never had a single medical problem in my life. Ha! Welcome to 40.

I will keep y'all posted and thanks so much for the good vibes!!