Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Portions and positivity

That is the mantra for the week.

We were away for a crazy weekend of debauchery in Savannah, then Jacksonville to see USA vs. Scotland in soccer so I got my fill of eating and drinking for a while. I'm ready to buckle down again since my big 10k is a month away.
My husband is Scottish and was supporting Scotland. I was cheering for the U.S. (who won by the way!) though the Scottish fans are a lot more fun!

I realized that while I haven't been eating badly, I've been eating a LOT and it's time to gain control of my portions and be REALLY honest about it. It's one of those things that's not really all that hard but can get really out of control if you stop paying attention.

I've been really struggling with this lately. I'm one of the most optimistic people in the world and lately, it's been non-existent. I hate what I see in the mirror. I hate that I have nothing to wear and it's summertime. We went out to an art show a few weeks ago and I was wearing a tshirt and yoga pants because it's all I had that fit right. We picked up some friends on the way and they were all dressed up in cute tank tops and jeans. I felt so dumpy I cried. Luckily I had sunglasses on and I don't think anyone noticed. It makes me sad that I feel this way yet it's still not enough for me to give it my absolute best effort?!?!?

I went back to yoga last night after not going for a few weeks and I already feel so much more positive. I was talking to one of the few men that are regulars about how I hadn't been in a while and neither had he. Just before we started, I was stretching out and he came over, kneeled down at my mat and said "it only takes one class and you'll be back on track." He must have seen the fear on my face as I realized how stiff I was. That left me with a huge smile on my face through the whole class. At the end, my instructor reminded us to be thankful and proud because most people you pulled of the street would not be able to do a 90 minute hot yoga class. She's totally right and that's what's keeping me going right now.

This post is kind of a boring brain dump but I think it's important for me to acknowledge the not-so-good times as well as the good times!

Monday, May 21, 2012


I'm in this hateful pattern right now of making one step forward and falling 3 steps back. I was ALL geared up for my 5k on Saturday even though I didn't work out for most of the week due to a ridiculous work schedule. I woke up at 1am with a just about the worst headache I've ever had and then vomited for the next 8 hours. As my alarm went off, there I was, sitting on the bathroom floor looking at my running clothes all laid out. There was absolutely no way I was going.

This has happened to me about 5 times in the last year and a half and after doing some research, I can only attribute it to dehydration maybe combined with stress? I've never had migraines before but I'm sure this is what they feel like. I'll guess I'll go see the doctor about it at this point along with all my other ailments. In the meantime, I'm drinking all the smart water and Powerade zero I can handle.

Tuesday, I didn't go to yoga because I looked like crap. What kind of excuse is that? Definitely not like me at all. I blamed that one on hormones but again, no excuse.

I'm being challenged and losing which makes me tired of fighting.

Am I meant to be the athlete I want to be? Maybe it's just not in the cards for some of us.

Am I stuck with my 200+ pounds body and that's just the way it is?
I don't know if I can accept that but I'm sure tired of dragging and extra person around with me. No wonder running is hard.

I'm not giving up. I don't have a choice if I want to live a long life with my amazing husband but it sure would be nice if it could be just a little easier.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Monday Mix Tape

10K training week 3:
After stressing about it from Thursday onward, I woke up on Saturday at 6am to pouring rain and lightning and I have to say I was a little relieved! I was ridiculously sore from the weeks workouts and it felt great to get a little extra sleep. I still made myself go to the gym and do a 5k on the treadmill which seemed so easy after training outside for the last few weeks!
Aches, pains and whatnot:
Now that my foot is fixed, my left shoulder has decided to act up. It could be arthritis, tendonitis, or a rotator cuff injury. I won't know until I see a specialist. I guess I'll just go back to the orthopedic practice and ask for the shoulder specialist since the foot specialist cured me. They should have a "frequent shopper" program where the 10th visit is free or something :)

As if I wasn't feeling old enough, night sweats have started. (heavy sigh)
Things that make you think:
I'm so proud of my friend Crys who just had a gastric bypass and is home recovering. This has been a huge step for her and something I've thought about a million times and am WAY too afraid to take on.
Weight loss?
I don't even know what that means anymore it's been so long. It's so frustrating working out 5-6 days a week and seeing no progress on the scale. It's time to do something drastic but I'm not sure what that is yet. Vegan diet? Endocrinologist? Nutritionist? Juice Fast?
The week ahead
I have a full week of workouts planned and a 5K on Saturday. I'm not even nervous about it (yet!!)

Have a great week everyone!

Monday, May 7, 2012

10K training week 2

Hi all! Here to say that I survived my second Saturday run with my new group. It's getting a little easier to talk to people but the slowest are dropping away so I'm pretty at the back of the pack. I had set an intention for my yoga practice the night before that consisted of two words. Calm and courage. I promised myself I would carry that with me for the morning run and it helped some. I still felt a little panicky and barely slept but it was ever so slightly better than last week.

What I WASN'T doing was keeping up with the training plan during the week and quickly realized that if I'm going to stick with this group, I'm going to need to practice. I still get desperately out of breath, to the point where people ask me if I'm okay which doesn't help with the anxiety of it all. It's from allergies, lack of cardio and carrying around a bunch of extra weight and nothing is going to change that except pushing myself to do it every day!

This morning it was hard but I'm proud to say I did it. I woke up at 6, had some coffee (which I'm not sure is a good idea?!) and then set out to do a 5k. I thought the whole way around the golf course was a 5k and turned out it was 3.9 miles according to my Nike+. I didn't believe it so I mapped it on google pedometer and it was pretty close. What a great surprise! There are a few hills I walked but I challenged myself to keep running on the smaller hills. There is nothing in the world like that shower after a tough morning workout.

Here's to a great week!