Tuesday, December 18, 2012

I'm not crazy...my doctor had me tested!

Sorry - I couldn't resist the Sheldon Cooper reference for any Big Bang theory fans.

I've officially been psychologically approved for surgery and I honestly didn't expect to feel so relieved about that :) 

One thing I can say for sure is that I'm a huge fan of my psychologist - not just because he approved me but because I feel like he's really there for me and all the others on this crazy journey. At one point during the evaluation I was telling him about the weight I had gained after the Peachtree and the 3-Day and I looked at him all teary-eyed and I could see he TRULY got it. He said "that must have been so hard" and he really meant it. I felt like he was the first person ever that didn't blow it off as "water weight" or "muscle mass" and understood what that does to my head.

** Quick rant -  you may agree or disagree - I had a 3 hour psychological evaluation for elective surgery but you don't have to have that to get a gun. Rant over! **

The best part of being a huge fan of my shrink (can I call him that?? Do people still say that??) Could say therapist instead but that kind of seems like it downplays his expertise in his field. Anyway, he holds several support groups monthly and I feel like it's an honor to have access to that kind of support. Before and after! Tomorrow night will be one of the largest I've been to and my husband will be coming with me. I never thought that would be something I looked forward to but then again exercise was the same way.

I'm in the process of reading everything I can get my hands on in order to be as prepared and successful as I can be. There's some but not a ton out there which is why I've started tagging my posts if there's anyone out there like me struggling to find a more 'real life' account because I've read all the medical info there is!

Chances are pretty good that I won't post again until after Christmas unless anything big comes up. I think it's important to document the process but I don't want to blah blah blah on about in every post either! I'm trying not to be like one of those people that has a baby and that's all they ever talk about and they lose themselves in all of it.

Finally, hugs to all the parents and teachers. I'm totally devastated by the shootings in CT and I can't even imagine how much harder it would be if I were a parent, or a teacher or both.

God bless you all and Happy Holidays!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

This one's a doozie...

Yes it's been a really long time and this is going to be a really long post so grab your favorite beverage and pull up a chair!


I last blogged as I was leaving for the 3 day. As always it was life changing experience. Full of joy, pain, happiness, sadness and by God was I tired and dirty by the end of every day :) This year I stayed in a hotel so I could soak my feet in epsom salt. It helped a lot with my tendonitis but I still got wicked blisters and just suffered through it. Every night when I got back to my room I would feel like there was no way in hell I was going to be able to do it again the next day...but I did.

I was by myself this year (which is actually really nice!) but of course I met a friend right away and kept each other going! I walked with Flat Carol, my cardboard tribute to my Aunt who passed away last year. She was a huge hit. People got to know her and would say hey to Flat Carol each day.

We walked and talked with a woman for a few miles who was 38, had 3 kids and had to go back to chemo the Tuesday after the walk - I would have never known if she hadn't taken off her hat. That moment was a big one for me which I promise I will come back to.

After 3 long days. 8 hours of walking every day. 60 miles and then some. My husband and friends were waiting for me at the finish line. Words cannot express how great that feels.
The joy was fleeting. I gained 8 pounds. 


I missed running after training for the 3-Day so I started that again right away. I did my first ever Thanksgiving Day 5k! It was a beautiful day and a great race. The 5k finished with the elite of the half marathon that was going on simultaneously and they were sprinting past us. If all goes according to plan, I will be doing the half next year. I highly recommend a race on Thanksgiving morning. What an amazing way to start the day!
 I gained 6 pounds for Thanksgiving.  


My 43rd birthday was December 8th. It was one of the best birthdays I've ever had - filled with joy, love, friends and fun. I could not ask for a better life.

Except for one thing.

Something very strange happened to me somewhere between November and December. I was driving on the highway in downtown Atlanta. 16 lanes of rush hour traffic and for whatever reason, I get a message -a revelation of sorts. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before but I guess sometimes when you ask for answers, you get them when you least expect it. I pulled over and I cried my eyes out for 20 minutes because I knew it was true.

The message was simple. It's time for surgery.

Sometime in late January I'm having a vertical sleeve gastrectomy. When I found out my insurance covers almost all of it, I knew it was going to happen.

I may be crazy but I doubt it and luckily this process requires that a qualified professional make that decision for me. I'm going through that part of the process right now and taking none of it lightly.

My first psychological evaluation was on Tuesday and it was almost 4 hours. I should know by Monday if I'm cleared to move forward or if I'll be put on hold for more extensive therapy. I don't mind either way because I want to do whatever I need to do to be successful.

If you are reading this and think that weight loss surgery is giving up or being lazy, I urge you to go back and read the beginning of this post. Especially the part about walking 60 miles with women who are undergoing treatment for cancer. They aren't giving up and neither am I. Something is WRONG with me and how I process food. That's going to get fixed and the rest of it, the psychologist and my amazing network of supporters will help me deal with.

My reason is simple. I want to be the athlete that's inside of me. I want to be real yogi. In fact, I want to teach yoga when this is all said and done.  I don't see one ounce of "laziness" or "giving up" in that statement. I just can't drag this hundred pounds around with me anymore on my 5ks, 10ks and 3-Days. It's going to kill me.

When my friend Crys announced her decision to the blogosphere, she got a lot of hate. Like her, I will just delete it and really not care but she has lost 100 pounds in 6 months and has changed her life. Go have a look...your jaw will drop. She has been a huge support and a wonderful friend. We go to support groups together and have met some amazing people. Several who formerly 300+ pound marathon runners. It's all so inspiring and totally exciting.

Don't get me wrong. I have my fears. Mostly of sagging skin which is really stupid when you think about it. I worry about making the wrong decision about what surgery to have though the doctors are all leaning toward the sleeve since I don't have diabetes and it's less invasive.

I met with the dietician who I adore and she put my mind at ease about being able to eat enough to fuel my athletic endeavors. The army of doctors and professionals who have been and will be part of this process are some of the best in the world. They are easing my fears and I'm ready.

I have a few more steps to take. If the psychologist clears me I see the pulmonologist right after Christmas and he may require a sleep study. If they give me the go ahead that's it except for one more appointment with the dietician and then all the pre-surgery blood work.

Whew. I can't believe I finally wrote this post. I hope all my loyal readers and die hard supporters will continue to follow my journey. I can promise you one thing...it will be interesting!!!!

If you have any questions just email me. tinatait(at)gmail(dot)com.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Monday, October 15, 2012

Walk Week

My 3rd 3-Day begins Friday at dawn. I'm nervous and excited all at once! My mom made my tutu and I wrote the names of all the people I'm walking for on the ribbons. There are 13 names on there. 12 are survivors and one is my Aunt I lost last year at this time.

I'm am pain free after this last cortisone shot. I'm such a nicer person and it's so nice to be able to run around without the constant complaining coming from my foot. My husband is worried I'm going to over-do it but I promised him and myself that I will take it easy and stop if I have to. One of my friends drives a sweep van and I will take advantage of the ride when needed.

I will report back next week and let y'all know how it goes!

Friday, October 5, 2012


Just got back from a horribly painful visit to the foot doctor. Physically and emotionally.

I've watched many of my blog buddies suffer so much from pain issues and now it's my turn. It's amazing to me how much living with pain (even in a small area) can affect your whole being.

So after the agonizing cortisone shot in my peroneal tendon he said "there's no way you are walking 60 miles". I left in tears and the whole waiting room probably got a little scared of what goes on back there!

I'm so so so so bummed. I've been preparing for this walk for almost a year.

My plan is to walk a few miles each of the days. He said six but I didn't ask if that was per day or total. The rest of the day I'm hoping I can catch a ride with some crew member friends of mine and just cheer people on.  I've ALMOST raised all my money and it still goes to a GREAT cause but I'm an overachiever and this is a big blow.

If this shot doesn't work it's on to surgery. I'm hoping and praying it works so I can get back to my active lifestyle I miss SO much. I've packed on a few pounds again because I can't do much.

As we were leaving the building, we walked right by the gym at the hospital where my husband works so we stopped and added me to his membership. I'll have access to the pool again and I plan on swimming out my frustrations.

I started this blog the day I first started swimming there. So much has happened since and funnily enough, end up back where I started. Later today I have my first session with "the food guru" as I'm calling her. It's going to be really difficult to get through all of this but I haven't lost my optimism...so at least there's that!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Good advice

This is a very Jack Sh*t shirt.

I'm so happy to know I still have some blog friends still out there after my extended absence. Thanks peeps. You might want to stay tuned because I've met someone, a professional someone (through strangely divine intervention) that I think may be able to help me end my battle with food. I've only spoken to her for an hour but I just feel really optimistic about this. 

The foot is feeling better AND I'm more than halfway to my fundraising goal. Things are lookin' up!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Bad blogger

It's been forever since my last post - mostly because nothing has changed. My foot still hurts and the 3-day is still getting closer! I'm not giving up. I'm just going to have to work a little harder.

The good news is I've not gained any weight but I still feel like a big fat slug. I've done some walking but not nearly what I should be doing. It's amazing how an injury can affect you in so many ways. Mentally and physically!

The ONE THING that has kept me sane (and maintaining) is My Fitness Pal. I'm sure I'm late to the party on this one but it's the easiest way to track calories and exercise that I've ever found. Most importantly, it's free!

Just wanted to update anyone out there that's still reading!

Monday, August 20, 2012

Monday Mix Tape - Shameless self-promotion edition

Hi all! My foot is being extremely slow to heal but at least I'm not in tears anymore. I've been wearing sensible shoes and can hopefully start getting some miles in for the 3-Day.


Which brings me to the main point of today's post - my fundraising for the 3-Day!

For a limited time, I'm offering some of my mad design skillz - FOR FREE - with a donation to my 3-Day account. Hey, it's even tax deductible! Do you need a business card, mommy card or social media card? Maybe a logo or monogram? Does your Etsy shop or blog need some sprucing up? Well now is your chance....and it's all for a great cause!

Click here for lots more info:If you don't need design you can donate anyway! Even $5 helps!


Stay tuned for another fundraising post later in the week. I'll be giving away some awesome, hand-made iPad bags to donors!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

foot frustration part deux

Just thought I'd do an update to let y'all know that my foot tendonitis came back with a vengeance and it's put me in a bit of a funk.

I got some cortisone shots but haven't been able to move in well over a week. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly pain combined with lack of exercise can turn me into a hot mess.

I'm so cranky and tired. I have no interest in cooking or eating healthy. The small amount of exercise I've been doing has been half-hearted. I just want to eat. Oh and did I mention I'm walking 60 miles is 7 weeks?

I need to get some miles in and I suppose I need to work through the pain a little to get there. I can tell I'm on the mend....it's just really slow and really frustrating!!

Vent over! Carry on :)

Monday, August 6, 2012

Monday mix tape

How did it get to be August already? I've done nothing but work 16 hours a day for the last 7 days in row - including all weekend. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself but I feel like crap after not exercising AT ALL. My eating hasn't been great but I maintained my loss and right now, that's a victory! I'm reigning it in and scheduling some non-negotiable exercise time this week. Clients can wait an hour. I've got to get some miles in. The 3-day is less than 3 months away!

Have y'all seen this new Nike campaign?

This message is so incredibly true and I'm so glad to see them putting something out there that real people can relate to. Way to go Nike.


Because I've been working so much, I have nothing else to report other than the latest version of my software so it's a short mix tape today. Have a great week!!

Monday, July 23, 2012

Monday mix tape

Hi y'all. I had a hugely busy weekend and it went by WAY too fast.

I can't thank you enough for all the encouraging comments on Friday's miraculous weigh in. I feel fabulous and am wearing some clothes I haven't been able to wear in a while.


Saturday I went to my core class with my trainer then to the headstand workshop. This is an EXPERT level workshop and during the warmup I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to do it but after lots of instruction on how to do it the right way, I was ready to go. And I did it. A few times. Some of them we did against the wall and some we did with a partner. For the partner one (I had my sister thank GOD) She pulled me up from a forward fold and let go. I probably balanced on my head for about 15 seconds without support. Shoulder stand we did on our own in the middle of the room which was REALLY hard.

I did them all without fear and had the time of my life.

I bring this up not to brag but to encourage my readers to keep doing stuff you're afraid of - just try and you might surprise yourself. If you don't try, you'll never know what you can do.


We had a lot of social obligations which always makes it difficult eat well but I did my best!

Friday night was a date night so I chose a place with a divine salmon salad. Having someone else cook my fish is a luxury! :)

We had dinner out on Saturday before a play and also chose a seafood place where I had shrimp, scallops a spinach salad and asparagus. Oh and 3 beers and a Patron. Yikes. It was damn fun though!

Sunday I had to go to a kids birthday party and watched a whole lotta people eat a whole lotta burgers and hotdogs. I would have normally had one of each plus all the stuff on the side but I'm determined! It also didn't hurt that one of the little hellions had touched all the plates after touching the floor and dog and God knows what else!

I didn't gain any weight this weekend but I probably would have lost if it weren't for the alcohol but I'll always be happy to maintain over a weekend - especially when I had a great time and didn't feel deprived.


I'm starting my second week of the 17 day diet armed with tons of recipes and a fridge full of healthy food. Mostly salads but I've been making really satisfying huge salads full of protein and other goodies. I also found a 13 calorie, fat free, local greek yogurt ranch dressing at Whole Foods which has pretty much changed my life. Thanks sample lady!


Have a great week everyone!!

Friday, July 20, 2012

Friday weigh in - Breakthrough!

I have so much to say today I barely know where to begin so I'll start with the best news.

I lost 10 pounds!

It's freaking miraculous. I almost forgot what it felt like to make huge progress - boy did I miss it.

I'm obviously on to something with the 17 day diet. (don't let the name fool you - it's not only for 17 days it goes in 17 day cycles) I hate diets and have been avoiding them for years but I was getting desperate. I feel like this particular plan is well rounded and while it's strict in the beginning, it gradually becomes something that's doable for life. If things get out of control along the way, you just go back and do the first 17 days.

Basically I've eaten nothing but super lean protein - only chicken, turkey, eggs (egg beaters for me) cottage cheese (the pro-biotic kind) and greek yogurt. 2 servings of fruit a day and unlimited veggies. It aint easy but it works. I have completely stuck to it aside from one miniature Reese's cup, one Fiber 1 bar, and one beer. I think it will get easier in the next phase of adding in some good carbs every other day. I miss beans!

The breakthrough hasn't just been about the 10 pounds. I've been doing more soul searching than ever - thanks to a more regular yoga practice. Tuesday night was one of the hardest classes I've ever had - I could tell I hadn't eaten quite enough and my favorite instructor was pushing us with no breaks at all between poses. For every pose of the 90 minutes, I tried to envision what it would be like if there was less fat in the way. For example:

I can almost do this - got about an inch to go before my forehead is actually on my knee

I can almost do this - maybe half an inch until my forehead is on the floor

This one, still can only get one foot though if my instructor hands me my other foot, I can hold the pose.

This one still eludes me. My belly will not allow my foot to cross over my other leg. I just twist instead.
This is what I'm doing tomorrow. If someone were to have told me 2 years ago I would be signing up for a headstand workshop I would have said you were CRAZY.

I feel somehow different about weight loss when I look at it from this point of view (upside down! HA! ) - it feels like I'm being good to myself by making it more about the ability to intensify my practice vs. punishing myself by taking away all the food I love. (can you tell I've been reading Women, Food and God again???)

I'm not expecting this rapid weight loss to continue but I REALLY needed this.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Monday mix tape - Tuesday edition

You'll all be happy to know I've quit whining (and crying) about my 7 pound post-race gain and managed to shave of 5 of those pounds in the past week. I felt like I needed to put myself on a strict plan so I'm following the 17 day diet for the next 17 days. I can do anything for 17 days. It's simply a tool, like any other, to detox from sugar and carbs. My mortal enemy. Today is only the second day and while I feel like have to choke down most protein, I'm doing it and hopefully it will get easier. After that it's an every other day lower/higher calorie rotation which I've responded to well in the past. God I just get so tired of thinking about it all the time. There's not a lot of choices with this plan so it seems to make it a little easier.
I'm STILL trying to decide how I'm ever going to fit spin into the routine without paying a lot more and switching gyms. Currently I spend $385 a month on my fitness pursuits which seems a little excessive but then again, it's probably cheaper than a quadruple bypass. If only insurance could contribute a little bit to that!
Today is one of those days where I don't see myself getting home until almost dark so I had to dress and pack for work, a hair appointment and yoga. If I were thinner (and richer) I would have a Lululemon wardrobe so I could look good enough for work AND be ready for yoga without having to wear a dumpy t-shirt and faded yoga pants. It's totally vain to have that as a weight loss goal but whatever works right? I do have the fancy Lululemon gym bag so at least there's that!
On Saturday I'm attending an inversion workshop with my yoga instructor which involves several types of handstands and headstands. There are no inversions in my usual Bikram class but I've enjoyed them before in other classes so I thought why not! It's always funny to me that I can do them but some of the skinniest girls in class can't. It makes me feel like a kid again though I'm extra cautious to wear a top that stays put when I'm upside down :)
There's a rare lack of excitement in my life right now but I think that's okay for a while. We have no trips planned (because we need a new roof! FUN!) and no big plans for anything really. It just makes for some boring old blog posts!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

How to lose your mind in 5 days

It's easy! All you have to do is:
run a 10k
eat whatever you want for the few days that follow
gain 7 pounds

That's what the scale said this morning. I honestly can't even believe it. All of my efforts for the month of June gone in a few short days. I'm totally devastated.

I feel like I'm running out of options. I've discussed this with my doctor and she's as perplexed as I am.

For now, I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and stay off the scale a while. Oh and quit thinking about it because it makes me cry!

Monday, July 9, 2012

now what?

A friend of mine said in reference to my 10k, "it's so not fair that you did all that and don't lose 30 pounds" That's kind of how I feel today! It's a regular old Monday after a weird week with a holiday and a huge race in the middle of it. I ate and drank like a crazy person for the last 5 days and I feel like crap! I'm still fat, nothing looks good on me and I'm still tired of carrying around 100 extra 93 extra pounds.

In my efforts to quit whining and get back on track, I just had my spinach smoothie and I plan on having vegetable juice and water all day until dinner. I have a workout with my trainer this afternoon that I'm really looking forward to -it always makes me feel so positive.

I still plan on running some but I need to focus on walking to get for the 3-Day coming up in October. That means long days and lots of miles and is sounding rather boring to me at this point. I'm also going to try to fit a spin class in there somewhere - maybe even twice a week. I think I could get a lot out of it. My gym doesn't have it so either I have to switch gyms again or go to a drop-in class. All I know is that it's time to mix it up again a little.

Have a great, healthy week everyone!

Thursday, July 5, 2012


is in the books! Frankly, I'm a little relieved I don't have to stress about it anymore. I managed to do it in well under 2 hours which was my goal! The winner? 27 minutes if you can imagine!

I slept pretty well the night before which is rare. I had my clothes laid out 3 days ahead of time so I felt prepared but I was still so nervous! My husband came with me on the train which was an experience - it was packed like a New York subway at rush hour but the people were fantastic and the atmosphere was electric.
Excited but trying not to have an anxiety attack to due to being 5 feet tall on a packed train. It was a sea of men's armpits above me holding on to the rails. blech!

It took so long to get out of the station and I had to pee! The porta-potty line was out of control and this is where being a local has it's advantages - I just cut around the block and went into Publix. The manager was even welcoming people in to use the facilities which were clean, air-conditioned and had no wait at all. Thanks fine people at Publix.

By this time it was start time. I just couldn't imagine what 60,000 people looked like on one of the most familiar roads in my city. It was a sight to behold!
I did not take this picture but I'm down there somewhere!

I had practiced this route a few times but I was so much faster being able to run down the middle of the road and not worry about the sidewalks and curbs. My goal was to run all the way to cardiac hill, which was a 4 mile stretch. About half way, I was getting really hot. I hadn't practiced this late in the morning and the sun being overhead was difficult. I stopped at all the water stops which were mostly warm water stops at this point and I went through all the misters and fire hydrants.

The streets are lined with spectators the whole way. People have elaborate parties, all the bars are open and it really helps with motivation to keep going. I passed a guy who had a shirt on that said "I'm 91. Eat my Dust" I had to give him a high-five.

The ONLY thing that pissed me off is when I started to see the elite runners RUNNING back UP the course after finishing. I'm sorry if 6.2 miles on a 90 degree day isn't enough for you but do you have to show off that much??? Seriously?

After cardiac hill, I was struggling to get back to running again but I managed to get my legs going and knew I only had two miles left. The crowds got even bigger toward the finish and I just kept going.

The finish was a blessing. I was struggling by then but I did it.

Seriously hot in that sun but proud!

I met my husband then walked the LOOOONG walk to our ride. All the streets are closed and the closest our friends could get was another mile up-hill. By this point I thought I was going to pass out but finally got in the car and was given a fresh, hot Krispy Kreme. That jolt of sugar was exactly what I needed and I didn't feel dizzy or sick anymore.

When I got home, My front door was decorated by my amazing neighbors. What a surprise!
I'm so lucky to have all this support!

They also had brunch ready and after my shower, I ate an entire bagel and then basically ate and drank whatever I wanted the rest of the day!
Me, my neighbor and my delicious (and patriotic) strawberry, lemonade vodka cocktail in a mason jar.
He finished in 57 minutes which is amazing!

So now what??? I guess it's some hard-core training for the 3-day coming up in October. Beyond that, maybe half-marathon in March? Stay tuned....

Thank you all SO much for all your support. This was a lofty goal and I couldn't have done it without all of you cheering me on.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Ready or not!

I've totally got the jitters for my race tomorrow - even though I practiced again on Saturday and did the whole thing in the blistering heat. I start at 9 tomorrow and should finish by 10:45 ish. Thanks for the huge amounts of support y'all. Happy Fourth!

Friday, June 29, 2012

Friday weigh in

2 more pounds for a total of 7 in June. That's seven less pounds I have to carry on the 10k. Now THAT makes me happy! I worked out hard 4 days in a row and believe it or not, ate a little more. After doing some tracking I realized I really wasn't eating enough for all the working out I do.

Speaking of the 10k it's going to be 105 this weekend and I'm running the course tomorrow - one more time before Wednesday. I'm going before dawn and there are water stops so I should be okay! The local weather guy said its supposed to cool off enough by the 4th to make the Peachtree "somewhat bearable". I won't have the luxury of an early start that day!

Have an awesome weekend everyone and thanks as always for the support!

*edited to add this awesome post from my trainers blog.
She always makes so much sense and it's helping me out so much right now!

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Spin Psychle

This morning waaaaaay before dawn, I did the number one most scary thing on my list of things to do....

I took a spin class.

This may not seem like a big deal to some but for whatever reason, I was terrified of it. I could never imagine my big butt lasting one hour on that teeny tiny seat.

I was prepared and had a gel seat cover but the instructor said not to use it if you don't have to and that you should try to get used to the saddle. Well lets just say his butt is nowhere near as large as mine and I begged for it 15 minutes in. It was a little better but still really painful. The rest of it? AWESOME. The music, the speed, the sweat literally dripping all over the bike.

I can see why people love it and I really want to keep doing it so it won't hurt as much. Apparently you DO get used to it!!

The moral of the story? Do something that scares you. Be brave! You won't regret it.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Tales from beyond the scale

Sometimes I just need to step away from the scale and evaluate what else is going on with me. This came up because I was complaining to the trainer that I only lost 5 lbs. in one month and she pointed out that it was 5 lbs. I wasn't carrying anymore. It's a GOOD point too because carrying less weight will really help me as I'm running down Peachtree in 100 degree heat.

After my training session on Monday, I came home and walked the dogs a mile before my husband got home. I was thinking how that mile used to be the extent of my exercise. I would be totally wiped out and out of breath. Now it seems like nothing - even after the trainer. Even when its 98 degrees.

Today I ran all the way around the golf course at sunrise. 3.2 miles. I still walk up one nasty hill but I remember a time where that distance was unfathomable. I even have a cute guy that works on the grounds of the golf course that waves to me every time. I've been really consistent and even my Nike + noticed.So the countdown to the race begins. The race I said I would never do. Never say never!

Monday, June 25, 2012

Not the Biggest Loser

Let me start by saying thank you so much for all the encouragement. I had myself convinced I wasn't going to do it until I saw all the comments!!

Saturday started at 5:30am. The night before my sister and I were laughing about how this was the one day of my life I'd ever get dressed trying to look as fat as possible :) Everything I had read about auditioning for the show suggested dressing as if it were a job interview. Myself and about 10 other people took that advice (including one woman who had on the same dress as me!) The rest were a hot mess. Literally.

Walking to the end of the line was weird. Everyone was staring at everyone walking by. I felt thin by comparison which was really new to me. I didn't bring a chair because I didn't want to be the one lazy fat person with a chair. HA!! EVERYONE had a chair - some even had huge shade structures. People were SMOKING! People were eating DUNKIN' DONUTS. People brought huge coolers FULL of food. I had an iPad and a bottle of water. I was beginning to wonder why I was there.

This was my view of the line behind me about 30 minutes after I arrived. It was hard to judge how many people were in line ahead of me. I met the people I was destined to spend the next 4 hours with. All of them super nice, I was the oldest and thinnest of the bunch - by 60 pounds. I know this because we all shared our weights. Most of my line-mates at one point told me I didn't need to be there but I weigh exactly as much as Olivia weighed when she started and she WON!

We had about an hour of shade until the sun was directly on us and that's when it got a little more challenging. My horror turned to sadness as people started heating up. There was kid who couldn't have been a day over 16 needing oxygen from the paramedics. There were people that couldn't stand or move to even get out of the sun. I grabbed the umbrellas I had in my car and handed them out to the ones that looked the worst - not caring if I ever got them back. After seeing some of these people struggle I thought If I did get on the show I might have to give my spot to someone who was really sick.

About 9:00 we got numbered applications. I was number 167 in line. Not bad considering the line had grown to at least 1,000. It had similar questions to the online application which I think everyone should fill out. It asks some really tough questions and requires a lot of deep thinking. You can download it here if you're interested.

Finally they let the first 200 in the building. The whole process was very organized and they were trying to get everyone inside and out of the heat as quickly as possible. The crew were a lot like when I went to see Oprah. Trying very hard to rev up the crowd and keep everyone excited about it. I was just happy I got a chance to pee and fix my makeup! My hair was flat and un-fixable by now but because of the 2 years of hot yoga, I wasn't as affected by the heat as much. Score!

After 4 hours it comes down to one group of 10 and one casting director. You leave your application, one photo and have about 30 seconds to answer one question. The question was "who do you want to inspire?" My answer was you. My faithful readers. I told the casting director that for over three years, I've been keeping a weight loss blog that almost 600 people read and haven't really ever lost any weight yet people say I inspire them.

She was trying to be all cheerleader-y with everyone saying things like "this is the first step - you're here today" blah blah blah. It's really not true. It's not a step at all unless you're chosen or happen to be inspired by the shear amount of sick people around you.

That was it. I was kind of hoping it would be more than just the decision of one person. They said you would hear by midnight if you had a call back but I wasn't expecting the phone to ring. I had as much chance of getting called back as I did of winning the lottery. I just let it go. And had a shot of Patron and a beer.

But I was sad. More sad than I thought I would be. Sad for the people who weren't going to do anything to help themselves if they didn't get on the show. Sad for myself that at the end of the day, I still have a hundred pounds to lose (again).

With sadness can come inspiration and I do feel inspired. I'm not too far gone to ever come back. I'm running 6.2 miles a week from Wednesday. I'm going to do some food journaling to help me figure out why all this exercise isn't helping me shed any pounds. The last month I've barely had a carb and only lost 5 lbs. I suppose it's better than nothing but I'm tired of hauling around this other person on my runs. I might as well have my 90 pound friend on my back. 90 pound friend once told me she didn't weigh 90 pounds so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and call her my 95 pound friend. :) She's also my biggest fan and I couldn't do this without her.

Wow this was a long post but it was very therapeutic. I'm training really hard this week so stay tuned...all leading up to the worlds biggest (and hottest) 10k.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Doin' it

After a few sleepless nights and (probably way too much) discussion with friends and family, I've made the decision. I'm doin' it. I'm auditioning for the Biggest Loser season 14 on Saturday.

I'm overwhelmed by the amount of work required for this. I'm giving up an official training run WITH water stops which I will still have to do on Sunday instead. Unofficially. Without water. I feel like I would always wonder if I didn't do it.

The application is probably something every one of us should fill out - even if you aren't applying for the show. It asks a lot of thought-provoking questions I'm not sure I've ever asked myself like "what do you think would be the best thing about being fit?" or "what is the hardest thing about being overweight?" This goes on for 9 pages. I kind of feel like I need to dive into this with a bottle of red wine and a box of kleenex.

I would never give up a precious Saturday if I didn't feel like I had half a chance. I have the personality for it, I'm just not sure they've ever had someone who already works out a lot. I do have a "sob story" to share but I don't use it as an excuse for being fat. It's the reason I work hard every single day. My father dropped dead at 49 after trying to lose weight his whole adult life. He literally died trying. I'm only 6 and a half years away from 49 and I'm following in his footsteps. I never stop working and it's not getting me anywhere. Not sure if that's TV material or not.

I will have nothing but time while I'm in line so I will be blogging about it so stay tuned. Would I be me if I wasn't on some kind of crazy adventure? (you don't have to answer that question Shelley) : )

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Would you ever....

audition for the Biggest Loser? It's happening here on Saturday and I'm kind of tempted. I have the personality for it but would they take someone who could already run a 5k? Has anyone ever done it? I'm ending with a question. Sorry Shelley :)

Monday, June 18, 2012

Monday Mix Tape

Is it really Monday again already? The weekend was a relatively successful. I drank and ate a little more than planned and ran a little less than planned but all in all, it wasn't bad.

For my Saturday long run, I was a little disappointed in myself for having "only done 4 miles" then I realized how ridiculous that sounded. I decided to stay in the neighborhood instead of doing the course - mostly because of the lack of water stations this week. The next 2 weekends will have water every mile or so and I will be out there practicing with a ton of other people. I got once around the golf course. My big victory was running without stopping up 2 giant hills I've never done before. It was so hard but I read somewhere to just focus on running from telephone pole to telephone pole and that really helped. I pushed myself to my absolute limit and it felt awesome.

My Monday morning attitude was surprising. There was work to do before work so I wasn't going to go but I finished it pretty quick and threw on my shoes. I knew how good that post-run shower was going to feel and I didn't want to feel disappointed in myself all day. I have my trainer this afternoon so I could have justified it but I need my cardio and it's the only way. The only problem with having "raised the bar" and ran those 2 hills Saturday was that I had to do the same this morning. It was a shorter run but I knew I was never going to be able to walk those hills again. No going backwards. Only forwards!
Although it was a busy weekend, I still managed to shop for and prep great food for the week ahead which for me is THE KEY to staying on track. We've been eating really low carb which can be really difficult to keep interesting. I made broccoli slaw, lite ranch dressing made with greek yogurt and 13 bean soup. I washed, cut and stored about 20 pounds of vegetables. That is a ton of work but it's done and I'm so happy knowing my fridge is packed full of goodness.
I also had to make Oreo truffles for a wedding shower. Oreos are my Kryptonite. Instead of having any while I was cooking, I put 3 away to REALLY enjoy later in the evening. There have been many times where my husband and I have eaten the entire package in one night so I'm considering that a huge victory. It replaced my weekly cupcake and I'm okay with that trade. I ate absolutely nothing at the shower which was another huge victory.
Blogging regularly again has made me realize just how much hard work this all is. The huge pile of laundry from double workouts, working 3 different jobs, shopping, cooking, cleaning, exercising. No wonder the time flies but it's so worth this feeling of pride in myself that's slowly developing again.

Have an awesome, healthy week everyone.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Friday weigh in

Don't get too excited because it was only half a pound.

The good news is I feel awesome and I'm not going to let no stupid scale get me down. This week was full of victories.

I can't believe it's been a week since my longest run ever and tomorrow, I'm doing it all over again. This week I got a "did I see you running down Peachtree???" message. Yes people you did see me running down Peachtree and it's going to happen a few more times before the 4th of July. There should be a few more water stops this week which is great since I'm going to try to that last mile I've been avoiding. I'm actually excited about it which is much more significant progress than any old weight loss :)

And if you weren't already amazed at how bad-ass I am, I went to my trainers class last night after running a 5k in the morning. This afternoon is yoga which I'm hoping will ease some soreness from all of that craziness.

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

I'm a real runner

Ever since my huge victory over the weekend, my attitude towards running has completely changed. I don't feel like a fat girl trying to run anymore but more like a runner trying REALLY hard to lose some weight. I used to scowl at the people I saw running in the morning as I drove by them on my way to work but now that I'm one of them, I smile. I smile because I'm already done :)

This week has been a little challenging. I ran 2 miles Monday morning and then nothing on Tuesday or Wednesday. I used my "one night a week drinking and eating out treat" on Tuesday. It was a hard decision but it was all my neighbors who are all our best friends and it's so rare we ALL get together. We had Mexican which is all I really need to say about that...

SO, after having skipped yoga, I was too hungover to run Wednesday morning and promised myself I'd do it in the afternoon. I even wore my running clothes to work. We had a group lunch at a pizza place and every single person at the table had pizza. I had a spinach salad with bbq chicken and it was delicious! I don't need no stinkin' pizza. Crazy deadlines all afternoon meant no running. Not even a dog walk.

This morning, I turned it ALL around and destroyed my 5K personal best on the treadmill. By a full 2 minutes. 

This is proof to me that this once a week treat thing is working for my brain. I know I'm done for the week. It's going to be a long weekend but I made my choice. I still have my weekly cupcake to look forward to :)

Weigh in is tomorrow. I'm not expecting anything but you never know!

Monday, June 11, 2012

Monday Mix Tape - Longest Run Ever Edition

Are you dying to find out about my run on Saturday??? My longest EVER??? Well, I totally rocked it. So much so, I'm still high as a kite from it!

I got up at 6:15 with absolutely no problem. I never even tried to talk myself out of it. I was not running with the group so I was calm. More on that later.

I parked my car at the closest train station to what will be the finish line on the 4th. As the train sped northbound to the starting point, I was watching all those miles fly by and I got a little scared. I was leaving my car and had nothing but a debit card, a Marta card and an iPod. Somehow I was going to have to make it back!

My panicky breathing started as I was leaving the train station and walking up the hill to the starting point but I got it under control and set out. The first few blocks were awful. All the sidewalks were torn up for construction and I under-estimated how hard that would be to navigate. I'm a klutz and had to be really slow and really careful. Once I crossed the 1st major intersection, the sidewalks were clear, the breeze was blowing and I was in my groove. I had in my head all the little landmarks I was going to get to before stopping to walk but I never needed to stop. I just kept going and going and going. A guy passed me literally sprinting down the street and gave me a thumbs up (which I totally deserved!)

By the time I got to Cardiac Hill I was about a mile from my car and it was all uphill from there. This hill is famous in this race and it's a killer. I walked it as fast as I could knowing the water stop was halfway up but by the time I was at the top, there was to be no more running for me. My legs were Jello and I really didn't want to break a leg 1/4 mile from my car. I just walked the rest of the way to the car and immediately changed my shirt and drank some water. I was a little nauseous but forced a banana down but otherwise, I felt pretty darn good.

All in all it was 5 miles and my time was 1 hour and 40 minutes. 4 of those were miles running and I'm so proud of myself for that. I have a little over 3 weeks to get ready for the race and to push myself beyond the train station, to the actual finish line, which is still another mile to go.  I would LOVE to finish in under 2 hours - especially as the only friend I know who got in the race will be done in an hour. That's okay he's tall and has a starting time up there with the Nigerians.


I've still been eating really well and I think what has been working is allowing myself one treat meal followed by one cupcake per week (we just got a cupcake bakery in the 'hood). Treat night is usually Friday and this week, I thoroughly enjoyed my half pimento cheeseburger (see I stopped at half!), three beers AND one cupcake. Somehow it works in my head this way because the rest of the weekend, I knew I already had my treat and had to earn the next weeks. I can think about what I want it to be ALL week if I want to :)


The hardest thing about this run on Saturday was having to do it again today even though I treated myself to new running shoes. :)  I took Sunday off but vowed I would run every other day until the 4th so I was at it again this morning. The rain made me move it indoors to the gym so it a wonderfully bouncy, EASY 2 miles. I probably would have done a little more but there just wasn't enough time.


To go along with the longest run ever, this was the longest post ever. If you made it through, thanks and have a great week!!

Friday, June 8, 2012

Weekly weigh-in

I lost 3 pounds this week!!!!! Here's how...

That's 5 pounds in 2 weeks. Every single one earned the hard way.

Tomorrow morning at dawn, I'm ditching my running group to run the course of my upcoming 10k. All this month, the Atlanta Track Club has a water station for people training and I think I will feel a lot less anxious once I've done it once. I'm going to run as much as I can and walk up "cardiac hill". The hospital where my husband works is at the top which is part of the reason for the nickname. I can always just go straight to the ER at the top of the hill :)

Have a great weekend everyone! Thanks for all the love.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Gains vs. Losses

What an AMAZING morning I have had. Full of energy AND creativity (which is handy when you're a creative professional)!

Yesterday was pretty sucky. I had to go out to the store to buy the stuff to treat a girly issue which is worse than the actual girlie issue itself. Because of said issue, I was cranky. And I wanted FOOD! I fought with myself before going to the store, on the way to the store, at the store, and after the store.

Before the store, I knew I needed to eat or there would be damage done. Of course we have nothing but healthy food so I chose the least healthy of the healthy food - that being the last veggie corn dog in the house. Victory number one.

On the way to the store I'm full from that so I felt I could at least make it to the store safely. There is no Chick-Fil-A in the 'hood which is the only "fast" food I ever eat. There is however a Sonic which I've been known to frequent.Victory number two.

At the store (the most ghetto Walmart of all time) anxiety kicks in to full gear. I honestly don't know why I go there other than dog food is half the price. I think sanity is worth a few extra bucks and will be going to Target from now on. The temptation is EVERYWHERE but I avoid it all and GTFO. There is nothing in my cart but girlie medicine, dog food and a new workout tank. Victory number 3.

Of course the idiot cashier won't take my coupon because some © symbol is missing?!?!!? but I'm not getting the manager to save $3 on the girlie medicine. Now I'm pissed. I storm out, throw everything in my car and am determined I'm going to eat something delicious. Then it hits me. Am I going to destroy my good week because some idiot cashier pissed me off? I get pissed of at someone just about every day I'm letting them WIN! Humongous, GIGANTIC victory number four.

I did not work out yesterday but I was determined to turn that around. This morning, I got up at 6 instead of laying laying in bed moaning about my girlie parts, and I ran and ran and ran some more until I was absolutely dripping wet. Almost 3 miles. The weather was great, I felt great. It's been a while.

Imagine my surprise when I synced my iPod to upload it to the Nike+ site

I've been doing nothing but complaining about not losing weight but look at this progress??? I have shaved 2 minutes of my mile. That's like one minute per foot of my two foot long legs! :)

Weigh in tomorrow so stay tuned!!!!

Monday, June 4, 2012

Food Rut

I've been blogging long enough to know that this seems to happen to all of us so I thought I'd reach out and get some new ideas.

My Fage breakfast has been making me feel ill - either I'm sick of it or developing a dairy intolerance. Either way, I need a new breakfast. I'm making some egg beaters breakfast muffins later today but eating the same thing every day is dangerous for me. I need to mix it up. On yoga days I stick to a spinach smoothie but on my heavier workout days I need a bigger breakfast.

This has become my most difficult meal since I work 9-2. Either I need to bring need my lunch or bring snacks to tide me over until lunch when I get home. Bringing lunch requires preparation and inspiration. I have not been prepared nor inspired.

This meal is a little easier especially when planned for the week. Lately we're doing no carbs for dinner. Just protein and veggies which is never exciting to me. It helps that it's summer and veggies are plentiful - some even home grown! Beans are nice and filling so I look for ways to work them in.

What are y'all eating that's interesting?

Friday, June 1, 2012

Finally, a little progress!

The scale FINALLY moved in the right direction. I lost 2 pounds this week which is exactly what I was hoping for. I didn't even suffer! I cut back on my carbs but still had pizza - just half the amount I normally would. I even ran again yesterday though it was a bad one. I was out of breath and slow even though I was on a treadmill in a nice, cool gym but that's what happens when you skip days. I realized I was being a little hard on myself because it was almost 2 miles and that's a pretty decent distance for a busy Thursday.

I'm blogging about my weight loss today in the hopes it will carry me through the weekend and keep me honest with my eating. I can easily put that back on over the weekend but I'm challenging myself to keep it off and start a new, healthy week 2 pounds lighter. I have 4:30 Bikram this afternoon which is always a great start to the weekend. I can also keep myself busy with some exercise, some gardening and lots of food prep for the week ahead.

Happy Friday everyone!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Portions and positivity

That is the mantra for the week.

We were away for a crazy weekend of debauchery in Savannah, then Jacksonville to see USA vs. Scotland in soccer so I got my fill of eating and drinking for a while. I'm ready to buckle down again since my big 10k is a month away.
My husband is Scottish and was supporting Scotland. I was cheering for the U.S. (who won by the way!) though the Scottish fans are a lot more fun!

I realized that while I haven't been eating badly, I've been eating a LOT and it's time to gain control of my portions and be REALLY honest about it. It's one of those things that's not really all that hard but can get really out of control if you stop paying attention.

I've been really struggling with this lately. I'm one of the most optimistic people in the world and lately, it's been non-existent. I hate what I see in the mirror. I hate that I have nothing to wear and it's summertime. We went out to an art show a few weeks ago and I was wearing a tshirt and yoga pants because it's all I had that fit right. We picked up some friends on the way and they were all dressed up in cute tank tops and jeans. I felt so dumpy I cried. Luckily I had sunglasses on and I don't think anyone noticed. It makes me sad that I feel this way yet it's still not enough for me to give it my absolute best effort?!?!?

I went back to yoga last night after not going for a few weeks and I already feel so much more positive. I was talking to one of the few men that are regulars about how I hadn't been in a while and neither had he. Just before we started, I was stretching out and he came over, kneeled down at my mat and said "it only takes one class and you'll be back on track." He must have seen the fear on my face as I realized how stiff I was. That left me with a huge smile on my face through the whole class. At the end, my instructor reminded us to be thankful and proud because most people you pulled of the street would not be able to do a 90 minute hot yoga class. She's totally right and that's what's keeping me going right now.

This post is kind of a boring brain dump but I think it's important for me to acknowledge the not-so-good times as well as the good times!

Monday, May 21, 2012


I'm in this hateful pattern right now of making one step forward and falling 3 steps back. I was ALL geared up for my 5k on Saturday even though I didn't work out for most of the week due to a ridiculous work schedule. I woke up at 1am with a just about the worst headache I've ever had and then vomited for the next 8 hours. As my alarm went off, there I was, sitting on the bathroom floor looking at my running clothes all laid out. There was absolutely no way I was going.

This has happened to me about 5 times in the last year and a half and after doing some research, I can only attribute it to dehydration maybe combined with stress? I've never had migraines before but I'm sure this is what they feel like. I'll guess I'll go see the doctor about it at this point along with all my other ailments. In the meantime, I'm drinking all the smart water and Powerade zero I can handle.

Tuesday, I didn't go to yoga because I looked like crap. What kind of excuse is that? Definitely not like me at all. I blamed that one on hormones but again, no excuse.

I'm being challenged and losing which makes me tired of fighting.

Am I meant to be the athlete I want to be? Maybe it's just not in the cards for some of us.

Am I stuck with my 200+ pounds body and that's just the way it is?
I don't know if I can accept that but I'm sure tired of dragging and extra person around with me. No wonder running is hard.

I'm not giving up. I don't have a choice if I want to live a long life with my amazing husband but it sure would be nice if it could be just a little easier.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Monday Mix Tape

10K training week 3:
After stressing about it from Thursday onward, I woke up on Saturday at 6am to pouring rain and lightning and I have to say I was a little relieved! I was ridiculously sore from the weeks workouts and it felt great to get a little extra sleep. I still made myself go to the gym and do a 5k on the treadmill which seemed so easy after training outside for the last few weeks!
Aches, pains and whatnot:
Now that my foot is fixed, my left shoulder has decided to act up. It could be arthritis, tendonitis, or a rotator cuff injury. I won't know until I see a specialist. I guess I'll just go back to the orthopedic practice and ask for the shoulder specialist since the foot specialist cured me. They should have a "frequent shopper" program where the 10th visit is free or something :)

As if I wasn't feeling old enough, night sweats have started. (heavy sigh)
Things that make you think:
I'm so proud of my friend Crys who just had a gastric bypass and is home recovering. This has been a huge step for her and something I've thought about a million times and am WAY too afraid to take on.
Weight loss?
I don't even know what that means anymore it's been so long. It's so frustrating working out 5-6 days a week and seeing no progress on the scale. It's time to do something drastic but I'm not sure what that is yet. Vegan diet? Endocrinologist? Nutritionist? Juice Fast?
The week ahead
I have a full week of workouts planned and a 5K on Saturday. I'm not even nervous about it (yet!!)

Have a great week everyone!

Monday, May 7, 2012

10K training week 2

Hi all! Here to say that I survived my second Saturday run with my new group. It's getting a little easier to talk to people but the slowest are dropping away so I'm pretty at the back of the pack. I had set an intention for my yoga practice the night before that consisted of two words. Calm and courage. I promised myself I would carry that with me for the morning run and it helped some. I still felt a little panicky and barely slept but it was ever so slightly better than last week.

What I WASN'T doing was keeping up with the training plan during the week and quickly realized that if I'm going to stick with this group, I'm going to need to practice. I still get desperately out of breath, to the point where people ask me if I'm okay which doesn't help with the anxiety of it all. It's from allergies, lack of cardio and carrying around a bunch of extra weight and nothing is going to change that except pushing myself to do it every day!

This morning it was hard but I'm proud to say I did it. I woke up at 6, had some coffee (which I'm not sure is a good idea?!) and then set out to do a 5k. I thought the whole way around the golf course was a 5k and turned out it was 3.9 miles according to my Nike+. I didn't believe it so I mapped it on google pedometer and it was pretty close. What a great surprise! There are a few hills I walked but I challenged myself to keep running on the smaller hills. There is nothing in the world like that shower after a tough morning workout.

Here's to a great week!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

The fastest of the slowest

Thanks to all who have made me feel better about starting my running group - it wasn't bad. In fact, it was good! I was not the fattest, nor the slowest as feared. I was the fastest of the slow group which sounds much better than the slowest of the intermediate group. I really was dead in the middle of the two, by myself, and aside from gasping for air on the hills, it was great. We did about 3 miles. The coaches are fun and it really spans ALL levels. It will be interesting to see who keeps coming. I slept badly since I was nervous and woke up every hour looking at the clock. I HATE getting up at 6 am on a Saturday but I can do anything for 11 weeks. We're already 1 week down! Afterwards I wanted carbs desperately of course there was a bagel shop in the shopping center where we met, but I felt so good about my accomplishments that I went and got a spinach smoothie instead. It's a beautiful day in the ATL and I'm going to put some of this extra energy into the garden! Have a great weekend everyone!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Please forgive my lack of blogging....

I was here
We were supposed to be in Scotland but we were flying standby and all the flights got full so we re-packed and went to Key West. This is a sandbar in the Atlantic which we got to by jet ski.

It was a great trip but I'm happy to be back to normal. Even though lost 3 lbs by biking 15 miles a day and then even more walking, I drank a TON and will be detoxing for a while.

We couldn't necessarily afford this trip but I figured it was a much needed break before starting a new chapter in my life (yet again!) I'm going back to work part-time for the agency I've been working with on a freelance basis. I'll be there 9-2 every day and then come home to do all my other freelance work. I will have to adjust to the new routine but the steady pay is something I'm really looking forward to.

and the biggest, scariest part of it all...

my running group - the official training for the Peachtree, starts saturday morning at 7:30
I'm absolutely terrified. I may end up being the largest and the slowest but that hasn't stopped me before so I guess it shouldn't now. I feel a little better after getting an email from the coach asking us all about ourselves, our fitness levels etc. so they will know they have a 200+ pound beginner on their hands. At least I can run/walk a 5k without dying and not necessarily starting from scratch. Also, it's put on by the Atlanta Track Club who is a very reputable organization that seems to cater to and respect all abilities.

See? I just talked myself out of being so scared right here in the blogosphere. I have to remember how helpful it is to blog about it all and keep doing it. I promise I will keep y'all posted on my progress. Good and bad!

Monday, March 26, 2012

I "won"?

So, I found out this morning I won a number in the Peachtree Road Race this year. It's the largest 10K in the world and I will be running with 59,999 other people, up hill, in the 90ish degree heat. Suddenly it doesn't seem like much of a "win" but I promised myself that if I was lucky enough to get in, I had to do it.

I think that I'm going to participate in the official 11 week training program that meets on Saturday mornings at 7:30. It will keep me accountable (that is key for me!) and hopefully help me build some confidence. Plus, I've always wanted to join a running group!

I started running again after 5 weeks off (it was supposed to be 6 but I couldn't take it anymore) and it feels so good! I did a 5k on Friday then 2.5 miles today with ZERO pain in my foot. My quads, now that's another story! :) I didn't fall too far behind and I think my work with my trainer, hours on the elliptical and yoga really helped that. I'm glad I didn't just give it all up for that long!

This should make for an interesting summer!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Down but not out!

Just wanted to let y'all know that I've been down with a cold and we're having the worst pollen season in Atlanta history which means a head that feels like concrete. In fact, the air resembles my favorite post-workout treatI'm still drinking my veggie smoothies twice a day which is starting to taste more and more like dirt so I'm going to have to mix it up a bit. I have yet to buy a VitaMix or a juicer because I can't decide between the two. Either way, they aren't cheap so it's going to have to wait a little while. Luckily I have a wonderful juice place halfway between my trainers studio and my house and I treat myself twice a week to their spinach slam which has mango and pineapple. Delish!!

The scale? Not moving as per usual. I was hoping the juice would be the secret but nothing seems to work. And yes, I'm getting REALLY depressed about it. There IS some light at the end of the tunnel. I can run again in 2 weeks and my foot feels great and I'm feeling pretty energetic despite the pollen (it's from all that spinach!) I know what I need to do - that energy needs to be used for MORE cardio. Ugh! Can't we just do yoga and pilates? :)

Friday, March 9, 2012

All juiced up

Y'all are going to get sick of me talking about juice so I'm just going to share what my trainer has to say about it....

Oh and I've lost 4 lbs this week by juicing during the day and eating a sensible dinner (I should note I worked out like crazy too!) I have energy to spare, my skin is baby soft and my pee is a funny shade of green ;)

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Back...with a vengeance...and a green smoothie

This time I really mean it when I say I'm going to blog more. I miss it. I miss everyone's blogs I read. I really missed EVERYTHING. Especially my life!

The strange thing is that I feel like I lost my job again and that was an unexpected reaction. I guess when you go from 120 miles an hour back to normal pace it's a little bit of an adjustment. I've been equating it to when my wedding was over and how strange it felt not to think about it constantly. The project was a HUGE success and I'm proud to say I finished it with no mistakes and barely any meltdowns. Did I mention I gained 10 pounds?

So, back to my desk at home, my dogs, my gym, my trainer, my yoga and my own kitchen. All making healthy living possible again. I'm also ridiculously inspired by "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" and if you haven't seen it, drop what you're doing and watch instantly on Netflix :) For right now, I'm juicing during the day and having a sensible dinner and I can't believe how amazing I feel. I never in a million years thought I would crave a drink that had vegetables in it but I want it more than food. It's the strangest thing.

And for even more good news I got 2 cortisone shots in the foot (ouch!) for a tendonitis issue and it seems to have cured me. I can't run or walk for 6 weeks (down to 5 now!) but I can do everything else. The workout schedule is brutal and expensive but if that's what it's going to take then I'm just going to keep doing it until I can't any more or I run out of money!

I wish I could bottle up this energy and save it for the bad times (I'd mix it in a smoothie!)

Friday, February 17, 2012

Yo-yo (yo)

So I'm days away from finishing my huge consulting job - hanging on by a thread. I had the flu and still had to keep up with 16 hour days. I even managed to gain 10 pounds in a month! Who gains weight with the flu?!?! I swear that I gain weight 4 times as fast as "normal" people.

I'm totally beating myself up about it so I'm glad I read this latest and oh so timely blog post by my trainer.

It made me tear up a little because I believe it was yo-yo dieting that killed my father at 49. Constant weight change was hard on his heart. Now I'm following in his footsteps and this is NOT good.

This post is not as desperate as it sounds. I know what to do, I just have to make it through the next 5-6 days of work. Then we will revisit this issue! Let me know what y'all think of her post!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Preparation (in pictures)

In my world, preparation is the second key ingredient for success in the fat fight. The first is accountability which I wrote about the other day.

I decided to break these things up into 3 blog posts (you'll have to stay tuned for the 3rd) because each and every part is essential. One doesn't seem to work without the other.

This consulting job was a slap in the face on the preparation front. I was doing little, if any, and now that I have to travel, pack lunch, work 7-4, workout and then cook dinner, there's no other way around it!

I set out to the farmers market on Sunday morning when it opened and just barely beat the ridiculous crowds. I came home with ALL of this for $28. All of it organic except for the clementines.

It makes me ill when I have to buy vegetables somewhere else and pay twice the price for non-organic produce. I just HAVE to make the weekly stop part of the preparation which isn't easy. The place is the size of 2 Walmarts and full (and I mean FULL) of people. I have had to take a xanax to go there on a Saturday.

Now here's where it can go all sorts of wrong. I have the choice to shove all of this in the fridge right away OR wash it and prep it all for the week so it lasts long and is more convenient. The difference is, if I shove it all in the fridge, that's where it will stay, rotting and unused, while we order pizza.

So I washed and prepped it ALL where it's resting comfortably in the fridge in paper towel lined bags. Ready to grab, cook and eat. I need an alternate storage solution - I hate using so many plastic bags but that's going to require a little research. Suggestions are welcome!

Now that I know what I have to work with, the meal planning begins. This is a work in progress shot...

I have a whiteboard calendar on the fridge. It's a month calendar but I only do one week at a time which leaves me room for my lists at all the different stores I have to go to. It's USUALLY color coded but as you'll notice on my target list, I need new dry erase markers :)

Wednesdays dinner will be a treat - our local market cooks weeknight suppers for $7 each. Wednesday is grilled flounder and zucchini. We try to limit them to one night a week since even though it sounds healthy, the chef is not known for low-fat cooking!

The next step is cooking anything that's cook-able in advance.

Jenny O Turkey sausages on the grill

added to 6 eggs (using only 3 yolks)

poured in a muffin pan and mixed with little bit of cheese and baked for 20 minutes

There was LOTS more but I had to stop being a photographer and get to work. I cooked and washed and planned and cleaned for 3 hours. It's NOT easy. It can be fun if you enjoy cooking but it's a serious commitment.

Last night was the big payoff. We've had such a mild winter that there's no excuse not to be outside. I got home at 5 and was able to power walk almost 3 miles with the dogs knowing I had the time since dinner was all ready to go. I can truly say I spent the whole day stress free because of the planning ahead. I'm hoping that lasts the whole week!

My weigh in will be Saturday morning with my sweet and supportive friend Crys who I unexpectedly ran into at my very first Weight Watchers meeting. I'm hoping and praying that putting all of this into action is going to show on the scale!

Friday, January 27, 2012

Living in the present

I'm extra guilty of the things discussed in this great post my trainer wrote.

My first week on my contract job in the burbs is coming to a close and except for an extremely hungover start to yesterday, it's been great! I feel confident I can do a great job here and really make a big difference on this project.

The bad news is I haven't worked out all week. I have to get up at at 5 to be here by 7 and that took it's toll on me all week. Today I feel like I'm in the swing of this and next week will be a little easier. Saturday is my trainers class and that will help get me going again!

Food has been a bit of a challenge with no refrigerator but the cafeteria is great...I had a salmon salad 2 days in a row cooked on the grill right in front of me...it even had nutritional information with it. Snacking is not as easy as you are expected to go to the cafeteria to eat anything (even if you bring it from home) but I have had a few snacks at my desk ;)

This is a boring post so I'm glad I posted an interesting article.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012


Now that my self proclaimed "year of discovery" has come to an end and the "putting it all into action" year has started, I think I've finally narrowed it to what really works for me. That thing is accountability.

I've got that more than covered in the exercise department with my trainer, my yoga instructor who both make me look forward to seeing them AND getting a great workout. I'm still finding it challenging to fit in as much cardio as I need to.

Food wise, I'm back to basics and back to Weight Watchers. I find that having that meeting in the back of my mind keeps me honest all week and damn I love that sticker! I was laughing about the sticker thing with my trainer and she said "girls just like stickers". I'm already spending a small fortune on my adventures in fitness.

Now that I finally get all settled in my new routine, there's a HUGE wrench thrown in. I'm starting a 4 week consulting job. Onsite at the client. Back out in the burbs. For anyone reading who doesn't know, I worked in the suburbs of Atlanta (I live in the city) for 7 years. 50 miles a day round trip. 1 hour each way on a good day, 2 on a bad one. It almost killed me until I started working for myself and was finally able to establish a workout routine.

I'm so excited about this job and I know I will do what it takes to fit it all in. I'm just a little nervous about eating right and exercising while commuting again. Oh and did I mention I'll be up at 5am? I will use my mad planning and organization skillz to make sure I have all my food and workout gear. I'm really hoping they have a kick-ass gym I can use. It's a pretty fancy building and I'll have my badge so fingers crossed. It would be so much easier to workout before sitting in traffic for an hour. The ONLY good thing about the burbs is I can finally use my Costco membership!

So here's to accountability and constant change. I guess that makes my blog slightly more interesting!

Thursday, January 5, 2012


"No-one ever told me what happens after you turn 40"
I seem to say this a lot in my blog. Why? Because it truly blows. And I'm not even a vain person! Can't see as well, can't lose weight as easily, already waking up soaking wet from night sweats, and boy howdy are body parts headed south.

I have always promised myself no negative self-talk on my yoga mat but when you are surrounded by mirrors on 3 sides and part of the practice is to focus on your eyes in the mirror, it just sometimes happens.

I've done so much damage to myself. 30 years of gaining and losing weight. How much of it can ever be fixed? Will my boobs ever point forward again? How can the skin on the inside of my thigh suddenly be sagging? Will I ever have a belly that doesn't hang below my shirt?

My muscles are taking great shape underneath this sagging outer layer that literally weighs me down. The more fat I lose, the more it sags.

I hugged my yoga instructor before class and I touched her stomach. I've never felt anything like it in my life. It was like touching a rock. I suddenly realize it's something I will never know. It's kind of sad.

This bit of frustration will in no way deter me from my goals. It just means I need to work harder (and maybe start saving some money for plastic surgery)