Thursday, August 28, 2008

Sunny Outlook

The sun has returned and already I feel a million times better. Not to mention the fact that I'm headed to Florida tomorrow before dawn. I need some time off desperately and I pray that Gustav stays away. I said a little prayer to my dad, who art in heaven, to keep the seas calm so we can go out on my friends boat. He loved to fish and worked for a big boat company so I know he'll do his best to get the message to the big guy : ) There's nothing I love more than the ocean and I hope to live by the water again one day.

My pants are falling off but I still haven't gotten on the scale.

The dogs know something is up but they will be well taken care of at the place where we board them.

I hope everyone in blogland has a happy Labor Day weekend!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Gray Fay Day

It has been raining in Atlanta for 4 days straight. We needed the rain so much but it's bringing me down! I've been eating too much, my boss has been awful and now there's another hurricane in the Gulf just before my trip. I think I really need some time away. I'm not usually an angry person but you wouldn't have wanted to cross my path the last few days!

I've been afraid to step on the scale and I probably won't again until after the trip. Not that I'm planning on eating my way across Florida but I thought I'd get some goals down here before we go so I can look at them when I get back.

1. Do 2 solid weeks of Phase 1 of South Beach to get cravings back in check. We do pretty well with healthy eating but refined sugar and processed things are slipping back in.
2. Meal plan and grocery shop on Saturday. Prep for the week on Sunday.
3. Gym at least 3 days - preferably 4.

Oh and now my coworker has just come down to announce the dog they bred is pregnant. Sorry to any people who buy dogs from breeders or are breeders but it hurts my heart when people feel the need to "make" a dog when there are thousands and thousands with no home. Arrrrrrgh. My mutts will kick your show dogs ass : )

Monday, August 25, 2008

Short week.

What is it about an upcoming vacation that makes me feel like I can throw my whole routine out the window? Sure I'm busy getting things together and getting my hair and nails done etc. but since Friday I've been in vacation mode and putting anything and everything in my mouth. If anything I should be working extra hard since I'll be in Florida wearing a bathing suit the whole time! The negative side of my brain is working overtime saying I'm going to look like a beached whale anyway regardless of what I eat the week before.

This weekend was a blur. Friday I went to the grocery store to get a few things and ended up with wings, potato chips, and sweet tea (oh and milk duds!). I was actually embarrassed about what was in my cart but I bought it all anyway. I was watching cute girls in workout clothes buy laundry detergent and water or whatever and was envious that they didn't have a cart full of crap they were about to eat. Why I didn't put it all back I'll never know.

Saturday was mexican food and mojitos and last night was pizza. Today I have no lunch packed and find myself dreaming of fast food for lunch. That's how it all starts. One bad meal and all my cravings come back full force. Needless to say I didn't go near the scale today.

To make matters worse, we have tropical storm fay pounding down on us today which will have the pool closed for sure. I didn't even pack my bag for the gym. It's probably for the best since I have brand new highlights which probably need to stay away from the chlorine for a day or 2.

My number one goal after we get back from vacation is to add the Friday night water aerobics class to my schedule even though it sucks to get home at 8:00 on a Friday. That should keep me busy and even force me to do some extra cardio since I will have an hour to wait before class starts. I think I eat badly when I don't have anything else to do.

I'm will be good to myself this week even though I have a million excuses not to. We don't leave until Friday so I have a few days to feel my best. I already feel accountable to this blog which is helping and now that I wrote it all down I can move on.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Note to self

Quit Yer Bitchin'!

There are so many people who have way worse problems than you. You are bitching about having to eat healthy when you blow past people in your brand new car who are standing on the side of the road holding signs that say "hungry please help".

Now as they say in Scotland, "SHUT IT"!!!

oh, and give favorite bum* some cash on the way home.

*favorite bum is a guy that always calls me young lady or pretty lady. He will also take food instead of cash which leads me to believe he really is hungry and not a drug addict or alcoholic.

Coming out of a funk

Yesterday was a horrible day for me. Work was awful as we're gearing up for a big presentation and it's never done until my boss walks out the door with it. He just keeps looking at it and changes things until it's time to leave. I've never met a successful man with so little confidence. Luckily I'm not going to the presentation. I used a million reasons to get out of it and won. I usually have to call my doctor and ask for xanax if I have to travel with him. Especially in the car.

By the time I got home I was so upset I was in tears so I took my sweet doggies for a walk which made me feel better. By the time my husband came home from the gym I was in tears again. I was tired and hungry and mentally exhausted - all brought on by my period I'm sure! I made a nice dinner of pork chops, edamame succotash and wild rice and went to bed at 9:00. I had to get up during the night to take some advil but other than a slight throbbing in my temples I feel much better today.

Sometimes the fact that I've been watching my weight since I was 10 just exhausts me.I get tired of thinking about it and talking about it. I get tired of making breakfast, lunch and dinner every day even though I have my husband to help me now. Sometimes I just want to come home and have cereal for dinner like I did when I was single but I know that's part of the reason why I gained my weight back. It wasn't a realistic way of eating. I think maybe once I have my kitchen remodeled I will feel more like cooking like I did in my gorgeous kitchen in our rental house but then I realize I'm using that as an excuse...just like all my other excuses.

So today is a new day and I've started it with a good breakfast and lots of water. I get to go to my water aerobics class today which is always something to look forward to and I know I will feel even better after it. It's a hot day today which make me look forward to it that much more.

This is a big fat lame post but I promised myself I'd do it on good and bad days.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I Be Trying

The title of today's post is inspired by one of my new pieces I purchased at the folk art festival. The artist was fabulous crazy and kept all of her money in her giant bra. She was so sweet and I talked to her for quite a while. She had hundreds of these "angels" that she makes and this one just spoke to me. Plus, I grew up in Florida so it was even more appropriate. I love folk art for the pure fact that someone can visualize and create something beautiful out of every day or discarded things.

Speaking of trying, my poor husband has been trying to lose 20lbs. and it just isn't happening. I manage his calories, he walks the dogs an hour each day plus goes to the gym every other day. He knows to drink water, eat healthy things throughout the day and he's even given up beer during the week. I've also been stuck for a few days but that's because it's that time of the month and I won't weigh again for a few days.

We both decided this morning that after next weekend's trip to Florida, we'll be going back on phase 1 of South Beach for 2 weeks. Right now we follow south beach phase 2 and I track it all through weight watchers online but I think that we still over do it on the carbs.

It's a constant struggle to eat the right things, get exercise, work full time, commute an hour each way, keep a clean house etc. etc. By the time I get home from the gym it's 8:00, we eat dinner and I'm falling asleep on the couch without having prepared anything for the next day.

At one point I considered lap band surgery but after reading blogs about it, gave up the idea immediately. I'd so much rather not eat something because I'm being healthy than not eat something because I'll throw it back up. I lost 100 pounds once before without it and I can do it again. Now that I'm 10 years older, it's not nearly as easy. At one point I weighed 145 pounds and was wearing a size 10 Gap jeans. For about one day.

I weighed about 170 when I met my husband and wearing size 14 Gap jeans. I was okay with that but needed some work. After we got married, we just ate and ate and drank and drank and now i sit here with 100 pounds (and a few more) to lose again.

I don't agree with the "fit and fat" concept at all. I feel like there are a few rare people in the world who REALLY are but I don't think that fat is healthy in any way. I believe I am fat and strong because I've completed THREE Breast Cancer 3 days which not everyone can do at 200 plus pounds. I just hate how I feel at this weight. My 5 foot frame just can't handle it. I also worry about my health. My dad always struggled with his weight and died of a heart attack at 49. I feel great when I work out. I feel great when I look good in cute clothes.

Thankfully I have my awesome gym and my water aerobics class. My husband is a constant source of support even when I can't get my fat ass out of bed to walk with him and the dogs. I have great friends who also struggle (except for of course my co-worker who weighs 90 pounds and eats peas as a snack!)

I have everything I need to succeed. That's why I keep trying everyday.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Hey, Hot Wing Lady where you been?

I thought I'd start with title today because on Friday I stopped at Publix after work to buy some sugar free coffee mate and some dog bones. As I was walking through the dairy section, one of the usual deli workers saw me and said just that.

When did I become the hot wing lady? I guess when you've been buying wings every friday night for a couple years you earn that title and because we live in the 'hood they have THE BEST wings in town which makes them irresistible. For the last 2 months we haven't had any wings at all. I'm sure we ate so many of them that wing sales have dropped drastically : )

I had a great weekend. Gained no weight despite lots of red wine and a Saturday night Indian food extravaganza. The folk art festival was amazing and I bought 2 pieces and stayed $5 under my $100 budget. I will post some pictures of them tomorrow once my camera battery is recharged.

Tonight is back to water aerobics. I'm going to go Monday, Wed, and Friday this week. I miss it over the weekend so I might even start going on Saturdays. My husband goes with me on the weekend which is fun. He lifts weights and swims laps but it's fun even though we aren't together the whole time. Once again this is the only time in my life I've ever been looking forward to going back to the gym each week!

Crazy week of work ahead so I must get to it.

Friday, August 15, 2008

For Fat Bridesmaid (who is so awesome)

Feel Good Friday

I thought I would start writing about some of my food issues and weight loss in the past but I'm just in too much of a good mood today. All my clothes are loose and I think I see some definition in my arms. Plus, I just love Fridays.

Even though work is usually crazy on a Friday, the thought of spending the next 2 days with my sweet husband and my dogs is all I need to get through it. As you can see they are all so cute I want to eat them! Lucy is on the left, Sophie on the right. Country and city rescue respectively. I imported my husband (as I like to say) from Edinburgh, Scotland and yes, he has an amazing accent, a kilt and is the funniest, sweetest, punk rock, football (soccer) hooligan on the planet.

I also get to see my mom this weekend who is traveling down from North Carolina to attend the folk art festival with me. My mom rocks and it should be a great day. I hope I find something to buy! I was fortunate enough to go to a really good art school but I have such a stronger appreciation for the self-taught artists. The crazier the better!

Unfortunately there will be no gym for us this weekend due to the schedule but Sunday we will be getting ready for our big neighborhood yard sale next weekend. I plan on working out by going upstairs to our room and to the basement a million times. I have meals planned which I never seem to manage on a weekend but I'm not going to ruin a weeks work by eating junk all weekend like I usually do. Plus, my best friend (who just moved to Savannah) is spending the night on Saturday and there will be much drinking as always. Even though we make mojitos with Splenda, the rum has calories I don't like to acknowledge.

Must get to work. I probably won't post anything much on the weekends as I avoid the computer as much as possible on the weekend since I'm chained to it 5 days a week. Good luck to everyone out there in Blogland.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

10 pounds down. Sounds like a fine time to start a blog.

I've read so many wonderful blogs about weight loss that I'm inspired to write my own. Those of you whose blogs I've read I promise to de-lurk one day.

I'm 5'0 and topped the scales at 261. Since I had already lost 100 pounds at one point in my life (more on that later) I know that exercise is the only thing that will make me lose weight. Period. I can diet and stay the same but have to add the exercise to lose. About 2 months ago in the dead middle of the summer heat with nothing to wear I decided to go to the gym that I pay for every month and never use.

The best thing about my gym is because my husband works at one of the big hospitals in town, they have a wonderful gym which is also for rehabilitation. I've never felt so comfortable in a gym in my life. No-one is there to show off. Everyone is there for a reason. It's so refreshing.

After about a week of lurking outside the door of the pool (I'm such a lurker!) trying to see if the water aerobics class I wanted to try
a. looked like I could stand without drowning due to my 5 footness (check)
b. wasn't full of skinny people in bikinis (check)
c. looked doable for a newbie (check)

I had already bought a really nice, expensive plus size Speedo swimsuit months earlier in hopes of one day getting up the nerve to "dive in". *note: don't ever try water aerobics in a cheap suit. I've seen many ladies pop right out of them.

So I did it. I dove in. I put on my bathing suit and a smile and got in the pool. I immediately made a friend, the class was so butt-kicking awesome, and I haven't stopped going. For 2 WHOLE MONTHS. Now I've lost 10 pounds just from going to the class 2 or 3 days a week and it's time to kick it up a notch as Emeril would say.

I think this blog will be good for me. I need to work through some anxiety and eating issues but I've tried therapy and it does nothing for me. The reason it doesn't is I'm happy. Not happy with my body but happy with everything else in my life. I think that's a great start and now we'll work on this body thing....again!