Thursday, January 28, 2010

checking in!

Another crazy week almost over. Sorry I haven't been around but right now I feel like I have to take every single little job that comes my way and if my blog has to suffer, so be it.

I haven't been to the gym in 3 days and have lost 3 pounds. Now I'm not using this as an excuse not to go to the gym but really?? :)

In the midst of all the crazy, some good things have been happening. I have an offer from my friends personal trainer in Florida to virtually train me in trade for helping her with some press releases. She's a martial arts master and an Olympic Athlete among other things. She wants a week's food and activity log and then she'll set me up on a plan. I love the coach I have at the Y but he's way too busy to give me the personal attention I need at the moment. The new trainer is saying absolutely no weights in the beginning. All cardio. I know that there's so much disagreement out there about whether to lift or not but I'm going to see if this works for a while. She wants me to start the journal for her on a Monday so hopefully by the following week, I'll have her analysis. In the meantime, I'm getting my ass back to the gym I swear. I need to stay off the Lexapro.

The best news of all? I have a lunch date with Tammy on Sunday. This is the first time ever meeting a blog friend in person. She's done so well and has been such a huge support to me. I'm so excited! We will make sure to take a picture!

Anyway, back to the grind. Time for some lunch, a walk, and more work!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Time to experiment

Thank you all so much for all your comments on yesterdays post. I really appreciate all the advice and it helped me face the scale for my Friday weigh in which is almost unbelievably up a pound. Whatever. Just more proof I need to play around with what I'm doing before I freak out any more.
Sometimes I really don't know what I would do without my blog and my blog friends.

First of all, an example of what my diet has been like for those of you who were kind enough to offer to look at it.

Typical day:
Breakfast: Steel Cut Oats with a couple tablespoons dried fruit and a splash of soymilk
After gym snack: banana and 2 teaspoons of peanut butter
Lunch: sandwich turkey and lowfat cheese on a sandwich thin or half sandwich on organic rye lettuce and tomato.
Afternoon snack: 10 almonds and lowfat string cheese
Dinner: 6oz protein of some sort, vegetables and occasionally some brown rice.
Snack: 1% Milk and a 60 cal sugar free pudding or a graham cracker.

Here is an example of my daily Sparkpeople stats

I seem to be okay in most things. I'm definitely not eating enough vegetables but I usually start eating salads in the spring again.

One comment I got that was really interesting was about the Lexapro. I know I gained weight when I was on it and after doing a little bit of research, lots of people have had problems losing while they were on it and for a month or so after going off of it. I'm staying off of it and continuing to try to combat my anxiety issues with exercise. I also realized I no longer spend $20 a month on the pills which now goes to my gym membership:)

Here's my plan for the next month:
Learn my BMR and really work the numbers on my calorie intake (this is hard for me. I suck at math. I'm a fine arts major!)
Track measurements and body fat percentage
Reduce carbs (keeping oatmeal but focusing on protein and veggies for the rest of the day)
More water
500 calorie burning cardio sessions 6-7 days per week
no weight machines, just abs, pushups, squats and lunges

Thank you all again for all the advice and contributing to my plan for the next month. Please feel free to critique and keep it coming. I feel like I have so many people cheering me on and that's the main reason I'm not giving up.

I've gotten a few awards lately and I so appreciate them but haven't been in the best frame of mind to acknowledge them yet. I have a post saved as a draft and I promise to get to that this weekend.

Have a great weekend all my blogofriends!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

One month of gym

It's been exactly a month since I joined the gym. Out of those 30 days I've been there 24 times.

I got on the scale and it STILL hasn't moved. Only 3 pounds in one month. I know that people say (but Jillian doesn't agree) that muscle weighs more than fat. That's great but surely there should be some progress by now.

Let me preface the rest of this post by saying I'm not giving up (yet)

I feel like I've tried everything. I'm sitting here typing in tears because I think I'm eventually going to have to have surgery. The thyroid has been checked 800 million times. I've been on every diet on earth. When I lost 100 pounds it was because I was working out like crazy and not eating. Don't think I haven't thought about doing that again. Some of my skinniest friends never eat. Maybe a steady diet of lattes, cigarettes and cocaine?

I'm eating 1500 calories a day, working out 6 days a week, not drinking alcohol, drinking more water. I don't know what else to do.

I'm going to shoot for another month of 6 days a week at the gym and maybe dropping my calories to 1300 or 1400. I'm also going to finally do my BMR to make sure I have a daily calorie deficit. Then, one more trip to the doctor for the thyroid test(which is borderline but still normal). Next stop, lap band seminar. I just can't imagine life after that surgery but is it better than being fat and on the fast road to dying young? My father died at 49. Only 9 years away.

I don't think I've mentioned this but I've been off Lexapro for over a month and I've been doing really well until today. My anxiety issues are all brought on by other people (my doctor said "aren't they all" which I thought was quite funny) I had a small anxiety attack in the pool because it was really crowded and someone wanted to share my lane. I explained that I was fat and slow but skinny miss pro swimmer didn't seem to mind until she realized I was indeed slow (like I said) I take up twice as much room as they do so why don't they just share lanes with each other? They have the lanes marked fast and medium but not a slow or even beached whale option. You think you could tell by looking at me that I wasn't in the fast or even medium category. Finally she went off to share a lane with her kind but I was already so worked up I only managed 3/4 of my workout. As soon as I got out of the pool the senior water aerobics class were all getting out and showering and I thought I was going to explode.

Sorry to dump this all out here today. I know it's a mess of a post going in a million different directions but I might really be at the end of my rope this time and I feel like it's important to put it all out there. If anyone has any advice about what I might be doing wrong please let me know. I thought I knew it all in regards to diet and exercise but maybe I don't.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

still swimming

I have been a bad blogger and a bad blog friend. I just haven't had a second!

After a big struggle, I'm finally falling into my routine of eating right, working out 6 days a week and still managing to work for myself about 10 hours a day. It's been just about a month since I've been religiously working out and while the scale is not showing huge losses, I feel a bazillion times better. The working out is giving me the energy to do the work I need to do to get my business up and running.

Back in the days of working for the man, I always dreamed of working at home with my dogs and being the "superwoman" who could work, and blog, and exercise, and keep an immaculate house. Never did I realize how fast a day can go by. I'll be sitting at the computer and suddenly it's 5:00 and I haven't even showered much less started dinner or laundry or anything else that needs to get done. I think now that I'm on a good schedule, I can try to at least incorporate one household chore per day. I told my husband I was going to make a chore chart like when I was a kid. Actually, that's not a half bad idea :)

I have been entering my calories every day in Spark People and just haven't managed to do the math to update my calorie countdown. I will I promise. I did manage to put up last weeks loss though. Not impressive numbers by any means but I really can feel a difference. Scale can suck it. Hope everyone is having a great week!!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Monday Mix Tape - Extended version

Happy Monday everyone! Since I left my job, that phrase is no longer an oxymoron. There can be such a thing as a happy Monday! It makes me realize how miserable I was and how badly I was treated. There may even be a shred of self-confidence working its way back to the surface!
I'm sitting here about to get to work, surrounded by the smell of chlorine (after 2 showers) and my muscles are zinging from a 45 minute swim. I feel great!

I have to be on my best behavior this week since I'm starting a week long food and activity journal for the wonderful woman who is going to virtually train me. I have stocked the fridge with lean protein and veggies, I have every meal planned and written on the calendar as well as every workout through Saturday. I'm the picture of perfection! :)

Although I worked a lot, the weekend was great and I finally got to meet our friend Tammy! We had a great lunch at the Cheesecake Factory and if you haven't seen it on her blog, here are the pics!

Tammy is so sweet and funny and a huge support to me. Although we live pretty far apart, I plan on spending a lot more time with this chick!

And finally, it's time I addressed some awards I've received lately!

Thank you to
heather at going from fat to well-rounded (love the name!)
Okay there were like 5 more and I'm a dumbass and just deleted the links I've been saving and can't bring them back. Grrrr. Instead of being mad about it I'll just do what I'm supposed to do and list 1o things that make me happy - it's hard to narrow it down! (no particular order btw)

1. My husband. Every single day I see his sweet face I can't believe how lucky I am.
2. Dogs. The more the better. I've said before if I were to win the lottery I would open the worlds biggest dog-rescue farm.
3. Design. I consider myself blessed to have the ability to create just about anything. Nothing makes me happier than a beautifully executed idea. I love to see a soda can or a logo I designed out in the real world.
4. DIY. I love any project around the house or yard that requires tons of work and getting dirty. I also like to watch all the shows of people DIY stuff while I drink coffee.
5. Coffee. The more expensive the better!
6. Swimming. I love to be in the water. Ocean or pool. I grew up in Sarasota Florida and miss it desperately. One day when I have my successful company that runs itself, I will live there again. Then I will have a pool in my backyard and will share a lane with NO ONE! :)
7. Friends. I don't have a ton of friends like I used to but the ones I have are the best.
8. Music. I'm a complete dork when it comes to music. I still love everything from the 80s and will not miss a Duran Duran concert (once I went 3 out of 5 nights they were here). I sing all the time (only by myself) and its REALLY hard not to sing at the gym with my ipod on.
9. My mom. She is the most amazing, supportive, sweet little mom anyone could have. She lives with my step-dad in the middle of the mountains in North Carolina. I love being only 2 hours away so we can go visit anytime. It always feels like a vacation! 2 out of 2 dogs agree.
10. My blog. I can't believe I've kept this up as long as I have. I'm not a writer by any means and it means so much to me that people continue to read my blog. Even the bloggers who have lost tons of weight and gained hundreds of followers take the time to check in on me. Thank you all!

Whew. Anyone still with me? I'm done now! Time to get work. Have a great week everybody!

What a difference a day makes

In my 40 years I've come to realize that if you just continue to do good, it comes back to you. I've been doing more good than ever since I have time and I'm seeing some good signs on the work front. I can't make any money yet being on unemployment but I'm setting the wheels in motion for the future and getting some good response.

Now lets apply that attitude to the fat fight. If I continue to work out and eat right, the results will follow. Simple right?

I had that revelation just a few minutes ago and wanted to get that down in my blog for when I have another craptastic day. I can look back and remind myself that it's not about the numbers. I do need to measure myself. I just put that on my to-do list.

I had a 7:15 appt. with my coach and we set up my leg work out. Now that all the machines are set up the nifty little computer system, I can do my routine on my own. He will check on it every couple of weeks and up my repetitions or weight or whatever needs to be done. He agreed on the plan of the weight routines and cardio 3 days a week and swimming (or a cardio class) on 3 other days. I've never had a gym this close or a flexible schedule and I feel like I can really do this.

My husband sent me a text this morning telling me he was proud of me and that I'm inspiring him to keep going. I'm such a lucky girl.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


I just went to the gym for 30 minutes and didn't work out.

I had to wait a little later to go because I had a call this morning and the place was packed. At 10am! I thought for sure the guy just hanging on the edge was about done with his swim but no. He just walked the length of the pool once every 1o minutes. I sat in the hot tub hoping that someone would be finished but 3o minutes later, I was still sitting there doing nothing. At this point my hair is wet and I only have my bathing suit, towel and flip flops so there's not a lot of options. I have to be somewhere at noon so I had no choice but to come home.

I guess it was the icing on the cake after stupidly stepping on the scale this morning, followed by a visit to the wild world of web for job postings of which there are 2. That combined with a failed attempt to exercise has me in a bad way today. Most of the time I'm so optimistic but today it seems like nothing is worth it. 3 weeks of 6 days a week at the gym has me less than 2 pounds down and I'm not sure if I can ever make enough money on my own. The old self doubt is creeping up on me again and has taken over my brain today.

It's 11 now and I have to shower and go out. I have accomplished nothing yet today but logging my calories and this great big whine fest. I'm hoping the rest of the day is a little better.

3:30 pm Updated to say my business partner gave me a huge kick in the ass and I feel better on the creative front. On the fat front, I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things, and bought a bag of candy. I took a single bite on the way home and threw it out the window. Sorry for littering but this was couple thousand calorie disaster averted. Instead I'm making us a nice curry. Victory is mine (said in a Stewie voice)

Monday, January 11, 2010

Slow start

I had the worst time getting started today. I was up at 7 and fought with myself until 9:30 until I finally gave in and went to the gym. The good thing about this time of year is every time I sit down to watch tv (which I'm trying to do less of) there's always something on about diet and exercise. Once again I reminded myself over and over how great I would feel when I got home. I realized later on that I worked until 9 last night and maybe I deserved a little bit of a slow start.

I did 50 minutes in the pool this morning which is 10 more than I usually do and it went by in a flash. It seems like the only time I don't watch the clock and pray for it to go quickly is when I'm swimming. It think that means I really love it :)

I didn't post yesterday due to the work frenzy but I did log my calories. I went slightly over both days (100 each day) but for a weekend, I'm considering that a victory. I even had a pancake and a half with real maple syrup and (mostly) fit it in.

Now I have a ton of work to do and I must get to it. Hope everyone has an awesome week.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Grrrrr and Brrrrr

This morning I woke up awake and full of energy. I was excited to get back to the gym after it being closed all day yesterday due to the "winter weather". I put on my bathing suit (and 5 layers of shirts), ate my oatmeal and rushed out in the below zero windchill. As I pulled around the corner I saw there were hardly any cars there and I was even more excited to have the pool to myself. Then I saw people sitting in their cars. Very pissed off people. I went up to the door and was locked. Another person came up and asked what was going on and I just stood there in disbelief. Closed. No sign, nothing. They were supposed to have opened at 8 and it was 9 already. After about 3 minutes of lively discussion with other disgruntled people I decided to head home. I called for about an hour and then gave up.

I joked the other day about us Southerners not being able to handle the snow but this is ridiculous. I'm angry enough to ask for 2 days money back. All the roads are open and the sun is shining. Sure it's freezing cold but that's when people need the gym more than ever!

Okay rant over. I feel better after getting that out.

I went about 300 calories over my limit yesterday but it was spent very wisely...on beer :) I haven't had any alcohol since New Years Eve and I think a beer or 2 or a glass of wine every couple of weeks can be worked in. I'm just going to have to watch what I eat a little more on those days. Could have been a lot worse.

Now I'm putting on 500 more layers of clothes and going out with my husband to walk our crazy dogs and burn some calories. Speaking of dogs, we childless people do things like getting their portraits done. Aren't they cute though?? Plus, unlike children, I can stick them out back and shut the door.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Weigh In Day

I have really missed posting pictures that correspond with my weight loss each week (mostly because I wasn't losing weight) but I'm happy to report that I will be doing again. As a visual person, it's fun for me to equate the pounds with something physical.

This week we have a 1.6 pound loss
A Sony Vaio laptop!

I was so hoping to have rocked this weigh in with 3 or 4 pounds especially with the amount of calories I've been burning but I'll take it. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong just circumstantial.

TOM arrived on this snowy weigh in day, I was woken out of a deep sleep to drive my husband to the train. I weighed in, yelled at him some about how if this was going to be how it is I'm not going to do it blah blah blah. Poor thing. Even though he had started the car, none of the other doors would open. The dogs usually go along for the ride but freaked out because they couldn't get in the back. After I got in the drivers seat, 50 pounds of Sophie jumped right in my lap. She could have seriously hurt me so I started yelling again at my poor husband. Get the effing dogs in the house and scrape this windshield and why haven't you learned how to drive yet. By this point I'm in tears which made sliding all the way to the station even that much more dangerous. I have since apologized to my husband profusely blaming hormones and a disappointing weigh in. I'm feeling much better now thankfully and I don't think he will divorce me :)

I promised myself I would not get hung up on the number but what do I do? Freak out on the first one. We both agreed we are not going to give up. No matter what the scale says. Because we really do feel better. Already. After only one week. Maybe next week will surprise me.

The gym is closed this morning as are all schools. (I can hear your laughter, Northerners) It's not supposed to get much above a zero windchill so I think I will be staying in. I was going to give myself the day off until I got an email from my mom saying she pledges 30 minutes of core work if I pledge 30 minutes of elliptical today. I couldn't disappoint my sweet mom!

Happy Friday everyone!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

the urban harvest

The box of produce arrived and I'm hooked already. Look at the amount of stuff here? I paid $20 but it would have been $35 which is still a good deal!

I've had a lot of fun planning the fate of each individual bit of goodness you see here. The carrots will be in chili and dipped in hummus, baby bellas will be part of flatbread pizzas, acorn squash will be baked and eaten with dinner tonight, half the onion has already gone into a really delicious and healthy shepherds pie. The rest will be salads and the fruit will be snacks.

I also realized today that Whole Foods is not as expensive as I always thought it was. I had the best turkey sandwich of my life with their bread, deli turkey and some of my lettuce and tomato from the box. Their meat and seafood is higher but everything else is comparable to Publix and it's all organic and twice as delicious. Sorry I always referred to you as whole paycheck foods Mr. Whole Foods. I will be visiting more.

I must be wanting to write about food since it's about to snow here. It doesn't happen often and the grocery stores are already out of milk and bread. Southerners dealing with snow has always made me laugh. I lived in Minnesota until I was 12 but have been in the south ever since. That makes snow a fun event for me and this year, I don't have to risk death to get home from the suburbs due to my boss not wanting us to leave work early. The dogs are driving me nuts. They know something is up.

I got to the gym by 8 and did a hard 40 minutes on the treadmill and some abs. Once again I thought about not going because I had errands to run and work to do etc. but I'm convinced that if I just keep going long enough to make it a habit, it will flow into my day like everything else does. Still trying to find the me/work balance.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Eat more!

That's what yesterday's Spark People page is saying. I really went under my calories yesterday because I never ate lunch. I'm still trying to establish my new routine with working for myself and suddenly it was 5:00.

I'm not going to make a habit of going under (or over!) my calories but sometimes it just doesn't seem logical to me to eat if I'm not hungry. I know all about fueling the metabolism and all that. I'm thinking I'll add some peanut butter or protein powder to my oatmeal and then maybe eat a little larger snack. I know I need it because I can feel it when my food wears off in the pool.

I swam 40 minutes this morning and will continue to do that until I can meet with my coach again next week to establish a lower body weight routine. We've already done upper body and abs but as you can imagine, he's a busy man this week. It was 14 this morning AND I had an 11:00 meeting. I thought about putting it off until the afternoon but that's dangerous so I just did it and it felt great. I was the only one in the pool for a while then had a 10 minute soak in the hot tub as my reward.

Not a very exciting post today but I'm making a point to post and update my calorie count every day even if it's boring! :)

Keep on keepin' on.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


I'm not used to this temperature in Atlanta. It was 18 this morning. Usually we have it a few days a year but not multiple days in a row. I think i've lost my favorite plant and my water bottle was in the car and frozen solid. They are saying single digits next week and I'm dreaming about wearing flip flops.

I almost used it as excuse not to go to the gym this morning. I've only been at this a few weeks and already it's starting. Luckily I've learned not to listen to myself much and went anyway. I tried to think about how good that post gym shower and warm cup of coffee would be and it worked. I just don't want this to be a battle with myself everyday. The fat me is much bigger and tries to beat the skinny me down sometimes but skinny me is strong and getting stronger every day.

I was hoping to do a leg session at the gym but the coach still needs to set me up on a routine and he was so busy so I just did 45 minutes of cardio today on the treadmill. Had I known that I would have been in the pool which is about twice the amount of calories burned. It was fun to listen to music for a change and my butt hurts so it was obviously good. I'm going to have to put on about 10 layers to walk the dogs a little later and burn a few more calories.

I only managed 1458 calories yesterday which is odd since I felt like I ate a lot. It's amazing how when you eat your calories from healthy food you get so much more food. I roasted a $3 chicken last night and am making soup from the rest as I write. Produce box comes today. I never thought I'd be so excited about a bunch of fruits and veggies!

Monday, January 4, 2010

Swimming along

<-------See how seriously I'm taking this??? I bought goggles!

I thought I would try the effects on my computer camera to give myself a very x-treme sports look

I tried out my new goggles this morning. I was terrified to go to the gym thinking it was going to be packed so I waited until about 8:30 and much to my surprise, the pool was mostly empty. I have totally rediscovered my love for swimming and have been told by more than one trainer that it's the best thing I can do (especially at first) to burn through some fat.

It hasn't been easy by any means. I was taught to swim really well when I was young so I know the basic strokes etc. but I still felt like a moron amongst the Michael Phelps types. After a few trips though, I've realized that absolutely no one cares what I'm doing! Really! It's very liberating. I've worked my way up to 40 minutes now which is when I feel my breakfast wear off. I had to rush home and have a hard boiled egg which probably means I need to add a little protein to my breakfast which is currently steel cut oats with some raisins and dried fruit. Now I'm sitting down to work and every muscle in my body feels tired but great.

My weigh in day will be Fridays from now on and with absolutely no peeking in between. All it does is frustrate me so I'm simply not going to do it. I'm continuing to focus on what's good for me like eating well and exercising and not the numbers. If I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, the weight will come off as a very pleasant side effect. Have a great week everyone!

For those of you who asked in the last post, Groupon is a group coupon deal based on the city you live in that is sent to your inbox every day. Usually it's for a restaurant gift certificate or services for half off or more. If enough people buy it then then deal is on. I used it for the first time on the produce since that's about the only thing I can justify spending money on but some of the deals really are amazing

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Fun stuff for the week ahead

I know I'm a little late to the party on the co-op produce delivery thing but I'm expecting my first box this week and I'm so excited! It's like my own personal version of Iron Chef where you have to figure out what to make out of all the ingredients!

I wouldn't usually spend the money on this being unemployed but there was a Groupon (another awesome invention) for a small box which is normally $35 for only $19. I know I'll be hooked on this and really, $35 for a week of local and organic fruits and vegetables isn't a bad deal. I'll keep you posted on what I make out of all of this!

My husband has been on vacation this past week and I'm a little bummed he's going back to work tomorrow. I suppose that's a good sign that I really love my husband after being with him for 10 days straight. We've had such a good time but it's time for both of us to focus a little more and drink a little less. He's going back to the gym tomorrow. I've made a point not to rub it in his face that I've been back for 2 weeks :)

Have a great Sunday everyone!

Saturday, January 2, 2010


Today was one of those days where I didn't feel like doing anything but I've made this commitment and I'm going to do this every day. That's the best thing about a blog. I feel accountable to it and it got me up off my ass during Color Splash on HGTV :)

So here it is. I said I was going to post my before pics. I don't even wear a tank top to the gym but I'm putting it on here. I think I've lost my mind.

I'm not saying anything else except there is a lot of work to be done and I'm very excited about the challenge...oh and check out my new shoes and wall color instead of the fat :)

Friday, January 1, 2010


The number above represents my new plan. What's a new year without a new plan right?

Actually I've been at it for the last 2 weeks. I'm proud of myself for all the days I made it to the gym over the holidays. I was so sore on Christmas Eve I was in tears by bedtime but I've already made some progress endurance wise. Damn scale hasn't moved at all but like I always say, there has to be diet and exercise involved for me to do anything other than maintain.

I haven't been going nuts with the eating (mostly) but not keeping track and drinking way to much champagne has me weighing in at 252.8 today. We painted our bedroom this past week and I felt every single pound of myself weighing me down. The next day I tried to do Target, Ross, Trader Joes, Whole Foods and Publix and came home having to ice down my knee. I've never had these aches and pains before. As my mom was asking me what happened to my knee (which she stills swears happened from being on a ladder for 2 days) I said to her that I'm just too fat to go to 5 stores.

Now, about the plan. The goal is to eat and track 1500 calories per day for all of 2010 which equals 547,500 calories. I'm interested to see exactly how close I can get to that exact number. I've been inspired (again) by Sean who has been at this for way more than a year now. He says if he can do it anybody can. I'm finally accepting that challenge.

Sure there are going to be ups and downs and yes, it's a lofty goal but I'm going to focus on what next year at this time could be like. I'm not putting a weight loss number down because I'm interested to see just what happens naturally from tracking my food every single day and exercising 6 days a week. Could it be over 100 pounds? How close can I get to the 547,500 calories?

See you all tomorrow! There will be pictures. It will not be pretty.