I'm in this hateful pattern right now of making one step forward and falling 3 steps back. I was ALL geared up for my 5k on Saturday even though I didn't work out for most of the week due to a ridiculous work schedule. I woke up at 1am with a just about the worst headache I've ever had and then vomited for the next 8 hours. As my alarm went off, there I was, sitting on the bathroom floor looking at my running clothes all laid out. There was absolutely no way I was going.
This has happened to me about 5 times in the last year and a half and after doing some research, I can only attribute it to dehydration maybe combined with stress? I've never had migraines before but I'm sure this is what they feel like. I'll guess I'll go see the doctor about it at this point along with all my other ailments. In the meantime, I'm drinking all the smart water and Powerade zero I can handle.
Tuesday, I didn't go to yoga because I looked like crap. What kind of excuse is that? Definitely not like me at all. I blamed that one on hormones but again, no excuse.
I'm being challenged and losing which makes me tired of fighting.
Am I meant to be the athlete I want to be? Maybe it's just not in the cards for some of us.
Am I stuck with my 200+ pounds body and that's just the way it is?
I don't know if I can accept that but I'm sure tired of dragging and extra person around with me. No wonder running is hard.
I'm not giving up. I don't have a choice if I want to live a long life with my amazing husband but it sure would be nice if it could be just a little easier.
Oh Tina - I'm so sorry you weren't able to do the 5K. I also relate to the feelings of defeat that sometimes encroach into our consciousness. But remember, feelings AREN'T facts. And every thought that comes into our mind is not necessarily the truth. You have made remarkable progress, worked hard, and come such a long way on this journey. This slump will pass. It is a tough road at times.
ReplyDeleteI know you aren't giving up. And neither am I!
Also - thank you for the offer of possible help for Jean when she begins job hunting. We may just get in touch!
Hang in there, Tina - you're a winner already.
It's frustrating that some folks make it look so easy and the rest of us struggle relentlessly. I wish I had some answers for you, but all I can say is that even if you aren't succeeding the way you WANT to be succeeding, it's still a far cry from where you'd be if you did truly throw in the towel. Keep on truckin'.
ReplyDeleteWould you like me to go with yoga to you again? That way you can be 100% that no one will be looking at you but at the awkward, big brown girl who has no clue what she's doing!
ReplyDeleteLet me know how I can help.
Oh that is such a bummer to be sick on race day! Some things just end out out of our hands, and that was one of them. But you staying with the body you have now? I don't think so...you are too much of a fighter, and YES, an athlete. Honestly, I think most of your feelings are coming from not feeling well physically - as soon as you're back to 100%, you will be singing a happier tune. Hang in there - you are going to do this!
ReplyDeleteI found a great little mantra that keeps me motivated when I feel defeated:
ReplyDelete" Remember that girl who gave up? Neither does anyone else."
Today is a new day. Do one thing today that will get you back on track. Grab those sneakers and get outside, if only for 20 minutes. It's not how often you fall, it's how quickly you get back up. You can do it!
I stumbled across your blog somehow, and it made me so sad to read about how hard you're struggling. But I have the solution for you! Have you tried Crossfit? Do it! There are several affiliates in the Atlanta area. (Just Google "Crossfit Atlanta" or go to Crossfit.com.) It will turn you into the athlete you want to be.
ReplyDelete