Happy Halloween!

Well it was almost impossible to get these guys to sit still for some pictures but I did the best I could. All pictures of them are blurry because they are always on the move! Still, they look adorable and the neighborhood dogs all have matching bandannas as well.

I have such a doughnut craving today. Luckily I have none! I haven't even eaten all the Halloween candy this year. I usually end up having to buy more at the last minute because I ate it all. For some reason I'm just not that in to it this year. I also tried to buy stuff I didn't like that much but seriously, there's not much out there I don't like. I think I'm really starting to see some changes in myself as far as my attitude towards food. I don't have to eat it all just because. What a concept!

Hope everyone has a happy and safe halloween. I will be voting in hopes that everyone will be out with their kids and not in my line : )

She's crafty

I did something very that girl last night and I'm really proud of myself. I made Halloween bandannas for my dogs, neighborhood pals, and the dogs (and one rabbit) of my co-workers. I can't wait to put them on them tonight and take a picture. I'll make sure to post it tomorrow if I can get them to sit still. They've been nuts since their daddy arrived home.

Of course since I've been feeling better I overdid it on the ankles and am hurting a bit this afternoon. It's only because I went shopping at lunch so it's not like I can use exercise as an excuse. It's amazing how long sprains take to heal. I'm totally over it.

Not much going on today other than looking forward to my "stories" on NBC tonight. I love calling them that since that's what my grandmother called her soaps. I missed 30 Rock!

gosh, boring day = boring post. Dog pictures tomorrow will be much more exciting!

I can wiggle my toes again!

and I can even make a full circle with both ankles!

I've been working through the pain to try to get some movement back in my ankles after 2 and a half weeks of limping around. Today I finally feel so much better! I'm glad it coincided with my husband coming home. I felt so good last night that I managed to make 3 varieties of muffin for my husband to take to work to thank them all for how kind they've been to him through this. We got $400 from the hospital to help with his travel expenses from a sharing fund they all contribute to. I was so overwhelmed with all the generosity and every little bit helps when you're faced with that sudden expense. I tried a half of a chocolate chip muffin and let the other go un-tested : )

It's freezing here in the ATL. My husband said it's colder here than in Scotland. I feel sorry for the little kids going out trick-or-treating on Friday. I hope it's a little warmer by then. Trick-or-treating is interesting in the "hood". We get lots of adorable kids early on then some thug teenagers with no costumes later on in the evening so we usually turn the light out early. I never worry about them much because they really don't like dogs and tend to stay away from any house that has them.

I will be casting my vote proudly for Obama on Friday night. It's the last day of advanced voting and I figure it will be less crowded that night since everyone who has kids will be busy. I'm looking forward to getting that done so next Tuesday I can sit in front of the TV and watch it all unfold. I have never in my life been so passionate about my choice for president which makes this year very exciting.

Anyway, it feels so much better to feel better. I wish it was Friday! I'm looking forward to a weekend of catching up on quality time with my husband and dogs. I think I'll even be able to start walking again for exercise. I can't believe how much I miss it. That is a good thing!

Back to normal - hopefully!

Finally my husband is coming home today! He made his flights so far and I should be picking him up shortly after 8:30 tonight. I was hoping to go in and wait for him but I'm still working on healing these ankles so it will probably be a curbside pickup.

I was all excited because I took his huge pile of shirts to be ironed to the cleaners to have them pressed (I'm a great wife but I don't iron) and then I realized what a dork I was to be excited about surprising my husband with a weeks worth of already ironed shirts. I guess I'm trying to do everything I can to help with his transition back to normal life. I'm sure he will be missing his dad and worrying about his mom on her own but I'm going to do everything I can to help him through it all.

We both realized that we are still useless when we're apart even after 4 years of marriage. Since we commuted between Scotland and Atlanta for over a year we spent a lot of time apart and it's just as hard now as it was then, if not more so! Sometimes I'm amazed at how much he loves me. I've always loved people but never had so much in return.

Back to normal also means back to the gym, meal planning and points counting. I'll have to wait for the weekend to do a big shop and I'm just praying my ankles are better next week. Time to get back on track.

I still want to lose 100 pounds by 40 which is in 13 months. I feel like this blog is really helping with my attitude towards weight loss. My extra motivation is that I HAVE to do the 3-Day next year. I missed being involved so much this year. How awesome would it be to not lug around an extra 100 lbs. for 60 miles!

Spending time in my own head - its dark and full of cobwebs in here

Aside from the emotional eating, my time alone at home the past few days has been pretty good for me. Being alone forces me back in my own head. I used to spend a lot of time there when I was single but now that I have a husband, 2 dogs and a full time job with a nasty commute, I haven't been in there much. Even though it's dark and scary sometimes I've learned not to be afraid of it.

I was one of the lucky ones who knew who I was and what I wanted to be from a very early age. I knew I wanted to be an artist and I've never been shy or quiet. In fact the jokes at our wedding centered around the fact that neither of us ever really shut up. Sometimes I wonder if i've used humor to compensate for being overweight most of my life but that doesn't really matter to me because I love who I am as a person. So here comes the but... (giant lard butt in fact) ...this enormously padded body I'm in isn't me at all. I can feel me in there somewhere and right now "me" can barely get up the stairs. Unacceptable.

I feel like I have everything in the world I could want but I still find myself longing to be someone else on the outside. I see people out in the world and think "I want to be that girl". That's SO not me. I love myself. I have everything I could want. What's the problem then? I've become self-concious. Once again, unacceptable.

I thought I would start by defining to who "that girl" is.

That Girl (cue 60's TV show theme tune)
• runs outdoors in the rain, heat, snow, ice, dark etc.
• loves vegetables and has the energy to grow her own
• plans and cooks delicious healthy recipes all the time
• is up before dawn
• goes hiking/walking on the weekend
• does HGTV projects instead of watching HGTV projects while smoking cigarettes
• rewards herself with mani/pedis instead of food
• wears cute knee boots and skirts
• walks the 3-Day every year without thinking she's going to die on day 1
• never sets foot in a drive-thru
• wears workout clothes because she was at the gym and not because nothing else fits

That list will probably grow but I thought I'd get it down here so I could reference it often.

I'm a big believer in the power of postive thought and it is now my mission to BE "that girl". It sounds so much more fun and rewarding that "going on a diet". Besides I think that it's the healthy lifestyle I crave more so than the body that comes with it. Now if I can just remember I crave that and not halloween candy we'll be all set.

on my own

Well my husband is off to Scotland and I'm a single girl for 5 days. I'm off work tomorrow YAY!! and I plan to enjoy every minute in the house with my dogs and finally get some really good rest for my ankles which are still really bothering me.

This is the first year in many that I'm not involved in the Breast Cancer 3-Day in Atlanta and it's taking place this weekend. Luckily I decided not to participate this year because between the ankles and the fact my husband is gone, I wouldn't be able to do it. Today I had to go up to where the opening ceremonies will be held to drop off a banner I had from last year and it just made my stomach do flip-flops. Just seeing that starting point again of a really, really long journey. My thoughts are with all the walkers, crew and staff this weekend as the weather is supposed to be miserable and cold. Just like it's been every year. I can't remember a time where we woke up and didn't have ice on our tents. I wish they'd push it back a few weeks but then it might be too hot. I will be walking next year come hell or high water!

This weather has gotten me wanting to eat everything in sight. I'm going to stop at Trader Joe's tonight and stock up on healthier options of my favorite things and things my husband doesn't like! Monday I will be back at the gym which is another great reason to rest as much as I can this weekend. Hopefully that will get me back on track. I haven't gained any but haven't lost either which isn't bad for no exercise and an overdose of white bread to keep my medication down.

Hope everyone out there is doing well. I'm feeling quite a bit better. I hope that's it for the bad news for a while!

My bubble

First of all let me thank you all for your kind words. It's hard to believe anyone even cares about my blog! I started out just doing this to just be accountable to myself but now I've found tons of inspiration from people just like me.

Before I met my husband I had a live in boyfriend who was a cop. Now it's not like me to ever want to date a cop and he wasn't a cop when we met but in order to fulfill his dream of working for the FBI or other government agencies he had to be a beat cop first. He was very "broken" for many reasons and was honestly one of the least happy people on the planet. I'm the exact opposite. I always look on the bright side of everything. My glass is always half full...well half full of Pinot Noir anyway ; )

On our last vacation to Florida I wanted to go see the sunset one evening. He was bitching the whole walk down to the beach about why I wanted to see the sunset when it was cloudy out. I explained that the best sunsets occur when the clouds break just before the sun sinks into the Gulf of Mexico. He grumbled some more and I said "why do you always burst my bubble?" his reply "why do you always have to have a bubble?" That was pretty much where it ended.

After that was over and I met my husband I told him the story and one day he gave me a card that simply said "your bubble is safe with me".

The reason I was reminded of all of this today is because I've been filling my husband with all sorts of positive thoughts of his dad in order to help him through his pain. I lost my father suddenly in 1990 and the feelings are still very fresh in my mind. I know what helped and what was annoying. I had to make sure this morning that my bubble was not starting to annoy him. His response was that it was what he still loved most about me. I hope I can help him get through this.

He's doing much better today and is going into work this morning to help train a temp to take over for him while he goes to Scotland. I take him to the airport tomorrow morning and he won't be back until Tuesday. It's going to be the first time I've been alone overnight in our house but I have my dogs who will take great care of me. I am going to do all sorts of things like organize my recipes, do a mud mask, and finally watch the Sex and the City movie. I'm wild and crazy in my old age : )

When it rains it pours

I think this is going to be one of those months that I wish never happened.

My father-in-law passed away last night and my poor sweet husband is so broken up. I felt like there was absolutely nothing I could do. It's such a helpless feeling because I knew he must have felt a million miles from home. I drank a bottle of Pinot Noir with my sister while he drank some Scotch with my brother-in-law. I think that helped us both. I did manage to get him a flight to Scotland to be there for the funeral. Almost $2,000. Barf.

He was an amazing man and had a great 81 years. He was in the Royal Air Force and then worked as a coal miner and an electrician. He golfed almost every single day. I'm sure the entire town will turn out for his funeral because everybody knew him. I was lucky enough to get to spend a good bit of time with him even though he was 5,000 miles away.

So now I'm not going to be going to my reunion this weekend. As much as I wanted to go, I feel like I should stay home and take care of the dogs and the house to help him feel better about being away. Plus, who am I kidding....I don't have a dime left! I swear between this and the sprained ankles, something in the universe was trying to keep me from going. Who knows. My sister said it's probably because I would have been disappointed once I realized I still hated all of those people just like I did in high school : ) I went to a very wealthy Catholic school and while we weren't poor, I wasn't spoiled like everyone else driving Porsches and whatnot. Plus I was fat and wore Doc Maartens and fishnets with my uniform. They thought I worshiped the devil.

I'm crossing my fingers nothing else happens this month. Makes you appreciate a boring day.

Frustrated!

I thought I would be feeling a million times better by now. I hardly did anything this weekend and I'm still hurting quite a bit. I guess I'm just being impatient but there's so much I need to get done before I leave on Friday.

It's cold here this morning and I haven't had the energy to get out my winter clothes so I'm wearing capris, flip flops and a big fleece jacket. I look and feel like a mess. I can't even think about wearing shoes yet.

I tried to do some shopping on Sunday morning and just wasn't in to it at all. I need some new jewelry and a new purse for the party on Saturday night but I might have to make do with what I have since getting around is still a problem. At this point I almost don't care what I look like.

Obviously I haven't been exercising and have been indulging in all kinds of things I shouldn't have but my pain meds made me ill and nothing would make me feel better but white bread and ginger ale. I'm frustrated that I was doing so well and now I can't do anything at all. I'm hoping that if I feel okay Wednesday night I'll go to the therapy pool and do some exercises during my normal water aerobics time.

Enough whining now back to work : )

Getting back on my feet

Thanks so much to everyone for the sweet comments and well wishes. It's amazing how much support I get from strangers but my own damn sister can't even call to check on me! I think my husband is getting a little tired of waiting on me and taking care of everything around the house. Not that he would EVER complain! I'm going to have to do something really sweet for him after all of this!

I'm getting better slowly but I'm in a lot of pain today after over-doing it yesterday. I was actually jealous of people I saw exercising on my way home yesterday! I'm ready to go back to the gym and hoping that can happen on Monday. Worst case I suppose I could go to the therapy pool and try to do some of my water aerobics exercises on my own. I'm just not the sit around and do nothing type. I'm just like my parents.

The good news is I got a fabulous haircut and highlights last night so I'm one step closer to being ready for the reunion next weekend. I'm so excited to see my girlfriends I haven't seen in 20 years. I don't care that I'm fat, just happy to be going.

I decided since I shouldn't be on my feet much this weekend that I would make little halloween dog bandannas for the Boston Terrier rescue that meets in my neighborhood once a month. I'm also making them for all our neighborhood dog friends. They are having an event this weekend and I'm sure they would appreciate it. A friend of mine is offering photo sessions for donations so I will have a picture taken of my dogs. Even though they are mutts and not Bostons, we support all dog rescues : ) I will post a picture next week.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. Thanks again for all your thoughts and well wishes!

Derailment!

Whew, things have been a little crazy around here. On Monday I managed to trip over a loose piece of flagstone on our front steps at work and the next thing I knew I was on the ground with 2 sprained ankles. I guess I'm feeling pretty lucky nothing was broken but this has really thrown me for a loop. I'm back at work today which is a bit of a challenge but at least I'm mobile. I was starting to get a bit depressed not being able to do anything. I'm off the pain meds now which I think were contributing to the depression.

The ER docs said no exercise for at least a week which is a bummer since I was just getting back in the groove.

So here I sit with 2 extremely swollen ankles and hoping to fit in my cute shoes by the reunion next week! I haven't been eating great but managed to lose a pound during all of this. Hopefully on Monday I can go back to my water aerobics class and carefully get back in the swing of things.

Sure makes you appreciate mobility!!

Monday Motivation

Well I weighed in this morning after a really good week and was disappointed to be up a pound. I worked my butt off! It's my TOM so I'm going to blame it on that and move on. Next Monday will hopefully show a loss.

Successes from last week include:
1. 90 minutes of exercise on Friday night after never having stepped foot in a gym on a Friday night. (People actually exercise on Friday night instead of going to happy hour!)
2. Choosing a cereal bar and water as opposed to stopping at McDonalds on our way out of town.
3. Drinking more water than ever.
4. Not buying a single item of junk food at the grocery store.
5. Planning every meal and staying within my points.

I'm planning an even better week this week since there will be no anniversary dinner or trip to moms to throw me off. These WW activity points are great motivation to exercise plus, after 2 weeks back at the gym I feel a million times better. To me that's worth it even if I don't lose a pound.

I now love the water aerobics class on Fridays at the gym and that will be a part of my regular routine. The instructor was one I've never had before and she kicked my ass! She has you think about the muscles you are working for each exercise and while it sounds silly, concentrating on them while working them makes you really work harder. I was sore in all the good spots so I know I got a good workout. Not only did I do an hour of the class, I did 30 minutes on the elliptical as well. I was so proud!

I've joined the Biggest Loser Challenge over at Lauren's blog. I'll be updating here every Monday as well as on her blog. I would love to do well in this before the holidays are here. It has always been a downward spiral from Halloween to New Years for us sugar addicts.

I hope everyone out there has a great week and thanks to y'all once again for the support, inspiration, and motivation!

Happy Friday!

Wow this has been a long week but I'm pretty impressed with myself for staying on track. My gym bag is packed and I will be doing one hour of cardio/abs tonight then going to my water aerobics class for another hour. This will be the first time I've ever set foot in a gym on a Friday night but hopefully it will help make my weekends more successful. If I keep up this exercise I can afford my splurges.

Speaking of splurges, last nights dinner was incredible. We went to Kevin Rathbun's Steak (the Rathbun brothers recently won Iron Chef America) and I think it was the best meal I've had in this city and I've been here 15 years. I had a roasted beet salad with creamy goat cheese, followed by scallops florentine and half of an amazing chocolate mousse cake. My husband had the best steak I've ever put in my mouth. We got to meet Kevin Rathbun who came to our table. When he asked what we thought of the food I told him I could taste the love that went in it. He's a very large man and wrapped his arms around his belly said "i've got a lot of love to give". LOL

Aside from the bread, wine and dessert, I did pretty well and thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Tomorrow we are going to the mountains in NC for a visit with my mom. We'll spend the night and come back on Sunday. The dogs love it up there because they can run free as much as they want. It's also a great place for all of us to go for a walk together.

Have a great weekend everyone! I don't post on the weekends because I'm chained to this computer all day during the week and don't like to look at it on the weekend :)

Counting my blessings

While it seems the world is falling apart, I am counting my blessings this morning. I've been married to my awesome husband for 4 years today and I could not be happier. He is the funniest, sweetest, most supportive man on the planet and he's my best friend. He loves me if I'm skinny, fat, sad or happy...no matter what. He truly treats me like a queen and I'm the luckiest girl on earth. British men don't mind women with a little meat on their bones either which is handy ; )

Tonight we are going out for dinner and I won't be thinking too much about my calorie count but I'm going to have a perfect day up until then. I won't go overboard and make myself sick but I plan on eating some delicious food. We're going to a restaurant I've never been to but the chefs/owners won Iron Chef America recently and that won me over. I can't wait to try it. I'm thinking I'll have snacks most of the day and avoid a big lunch.

Yesterday was a good day although the pool was closed and I got no exercise at all. I had a rotisserie chicken salad for dinner although I had 2 small rolls like an idiot. I still managed to stay in my points and the bread felt good in my stomach which was slightly upset. Normally when I pick up dinner from the rotisserie place I would have mac and cheese, corn and chicken but I need to remind myself I enjoy the salad just as much.

I'm feeling pretty good and won't weigh until Monday. The goal is a 2 pound loss for the week. If I can manage that with still eating some of my favorite foods then I've done well.

Thanks again to all of you who read my blog. I really feel like the support I've found here is making a difference for me! Y'all rock!

Are these shoes the shoes for my high school reunion?

Lets hope so because I ordered them to wear with my black and white polka dot dress. Low enough heel where I won't be dying on my feet all night. I think they are cute enough.

UGH!

I ate chicken wings last night. I'm not even going to make any excuses other than it was debate night. Not that that is any sort of excuse whatsoever! Yes I will count the points.

I'm going to focus on the success I had yesterday instead as I sit here and eat my delicous oatmeal at my desk on a rainy morning. I was bored with my chicken chili yesterday so I didn't eat anything before I went out for lunch to do some shopping. As usual I was passing a million fast food places and wanting everything in sight. For some reason I love to eat in my car (we'll analyze that at another time). I almost caved and got a burger but I really thought about what I used to do when I lost 100lbs. and the answer was right in front of me. Hooray for Chick-Fil-A. I had a grilled chicken sandwich (which they now have on a whole grain roll) and a diet lemonade. Only 5 points. I was proud of my decision and it kept me full all afternoon.

As if that weren't enough, I walked the dogs with my husband. For a good 30 minutes. Normally I would make some sort of an excuse and he would take them. Not only did we get a good workout but we had a great time together. The cool weather makes it so much easier for me to want to be outside.

Tonight is my class again. Hopefully there will be no thunder otherwise the pool will be closed. I usually bring additional workout gear in case that happens because I can just picture myself saying "oh well pool's closed. No workout for me!" I don't have that stuff today so fingers crossed!

I'm still feeling motivated - and a little sassy today!

Exercise = happiness

I finally feel like I had a successful day yesterday!

I ate great all day yesterday and wasn't even tempted by a mini Twix that is still laying on my desk. I stayed within my points and even had 2 pieces of garlic bread with the delicious Jambalaya my husband made.

I talked myself in to going back to my water aerobics class after 5 weeks of being absent and it was so awesome. My 2 friends I have made in the class were so happy to see me which made it even more rewarding. I worked my butt off and had to get up in the middle of the night to take some Advil because my arms were BURNING. I feel great today though. Not too sore. The best thing about water aerobics is that even fat girls can feel like ballerinas. You can do moves in the water you'd never be able to do on land! It's such a free feeling that I really enjoy. It was a little cooler last night and dark when I left class which makes being wet not nearly as enjoyable as it was during the Hotlanta summer but I'll just have to adjust my post-swim wardrobe.

My plan is to go back Wednesday and adding in Fridays and Saturdays as well. One of my friends at the pool easily outweighs me by 50lbs but is there for every single class and has motivated me to come those additional days. Fridays I get out of work a little early which leaves time before class to add to my cardio minutes. I used to work out every day but Fridays but that's when I had social things on a Friday night. Now I just plop in front of the TV a half an hour earlier than normal and not take advantage of that little bit of extra time. Or worse, I stop at the store to load up on junk food for the weekend.

Note to self: remember how good you feel today next time you try to talk yourself out of exercising!!!

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I had a great weekend overall. I ate too much but what's new! I love spending time with my husband and my dogs on the weekend but it seems like the time goes by way too fast.

I had a few successes this weekend and a few seriously unsuccessful events. The house is clean as a whistle, laundry done and I prepared tons of food for the week including my favorite white chicken chili. While I was cleaning and doing all my chores, I made a conscious effort to not avoid trips up and down the stairs and it worked. My butt was killing me on Sunday so I got a great workout. Instead of piling things up to take upstairs to the bedroom or downstairs to the basement, I took several trips. I'm going to use my new pedometer next weekend to see just how much that adds up!

Sunday morning I was feeling pretty good about myself until I got out of the shower and started digging through my closet to figure out if I had anything to wear to the reunion. I pulled out some of my super cute skirts thinking that maybe if I wore tight enough undergarments (God bless Spanx) that they would work. Now lets just say it's a good thing that I have a sense of humor because I laughed out loud at the fact that they wouldn't even go up above my knees. ONE OF THEM IS A MEDIUM PEOPLE...A MEDIUM! I used to wear a MEDIUM! It was probably even from the junior department. Even if I would have had 2 of them to stitch together it would have been too small. It doesn't seem that long ago that I could wear those. It was when I first met my husband. I've gotten that much bigger in the time I've been with him. I'm surprised he hasn't moved back!

Luckily I have a dress to wear that's "passable" and I'll find some super cute shoes. BLERG!

Part of my attitude adjustment is moving on after events like these and using them as more motivation instead of an excuse to eat more because I'm already huge anyway. I've been trying to think hard about what my life used to be like when I lost those hundred pounds and wore a medium and the answers are pretty simple. I was single and never really ate a meal and I was at the gym or on the treadmill at home all the time. Even on the weekends. To be sure I polled some friends who have known me a long time and their answer was "you were always at the gym". So, while I don't ever want to be single again, I do want to be back in that "exercise above all" mode because it allows me to be able to be more flexible with my eating and not obsessed with everything that goes in my mouth.

That said, my gym bag is packed and I'll be going to water aerobics after work. I will exercise every single day this week. I will not get rid of those skirts because I will fit into them again.

Autumn and Oatmeal

What a gorgeous morning here in the ATL. I get so energized by fall even though I'm feeling totally bloated these days. I'm sure i'd feel great if I wasn't lugging around an extra person on my body.

I forget how much I like oatmeal. I tend to only eat it in the cold weather but I'm sitting here wondering why I don't eat it every morning. I feel so full and so satisfied. Lately I've been lazy and having a Fiber 1 bar for breakfast and that just seems to make me hungrier immediately. I don't know why I don't just admit I can't have things like that even though they are "healthy". They make me crave everything in sight. It's all about the sugar with me and I need to stay away from it in any form.

Today is 21 days until my high school reunion and I vow to exercise every single day until then. Even if it's just a walk. Hopefully that will make feel less jiggly and bloated even if I can't lose 100 pounds in 21 days : ) I will log my exercise minutes here.

Also, a big shout out and thank you to my blog land pals who are so sweet and supportive even though they don't even know me. It means so much to me to know that I'm not alone in this.