Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Dreams (the sleep kind and the aspirational kind)

Sometimes I really think I'm crazier than most people. I have the most vivid dreams every night that I remember fully when I wake up. They aren't horrible nightmares or anything just stress dreams involving packing for a trip to Scotland or planning my wedding or losing my wallet. The worst one is that I'm not graduating from college because I haven't gone to a class all year or something. I probably have that more than any others or mixed in with the others. When I wake up, I feel as tired as if I had actually been through what was in my dream. I've done some research about controlling dreams but it doesn't seem to be working. I think I will try to learn how to meditate. I also thought about hanging my college diploma by my bed to remind myself I graduated 10 years ago :) It's frustrating so if anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated!

Now on to the Big Dream. My mother (and father when he was alive) have always taught me that I can do anything I want to do and be anyone I want to be. They never even blinked when I died my hair blue or told them I wanted to go to art school. I feel that I have something in me as a designer that would free me from a hateful work schedule and commute. The idea I've been pursuing and it's been much more difficult that I'd anticipated. Some days I think it's going to work and other days I wonder if it's a good idea. It's made me very scattered and unfocused but I still feel like it might be worth the work.

It's hard to take an hour a day out of the crazy to exercise and another hour to cook healthy meals. Combine that with 2 hours of driving and 9 hours work and there's not much left of the day for the Big Dream.

In the mean time I'm to find a balance between all the things I want to do and all the things I have to do. Last nights dinner of pork tenderloin and roasted brussels sprouts was worthy of a photograph if I would have had the energy! I know I have it in me. I guess I should listen to my dad's voice in my head saying "no one every got anywhere without hard work". True dat daddy-o.


  1. Tina,
    I don't have any explanation for it but I've had the same exact "flunking college" dream where I walk in on final exam day after missing the entire semester - even tho I graduated - gulp - 30 years ago. Maybe it's stress - but I think it's a pretty common dream.

    As to your Big Dream - I'm also just beginning a new career, starting up a non-profit to provide therapeutic humor to people affected with illness and injury, and short of parenting - it is the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm only a few months into it and right now I lack definition and feel pulled in a thousand different directions - just an awful situation for an anal retentive like myself. When I start freaking out about why on earth I ever went down this road, I remind myself that 1) the beginning is always the hardest - I will learn as I go along - and 2) think of my oh-so-boring, meaningless life before jumping into this. You'll never know unless you take the leap but ask yourself about regrets if you don't.

    Sorry to blather on so much but I think it's a wonderful idea. You'll be flat-out busier than you've ever been but you can always rest when you're old.

  2. I get the dream where I arrive for an exam without having studied... years after writing and passing my last exam!

    I really think dreams are communiques from our subconscious minds and that that specific dream and its variations may be telling us that we're not doing our best for ourselves in a certain area of our lives. In my case I think it relates to my health and fitness, because since I've been faithful in that area, I haven't had the dream.

    Good luck!

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  4. Dreams are great to have. It's just so scary to make them happen sometimes. I dream about doing something other what I'm doing but haven't found the guts to go for it...yet.

  5. I have also had the flunking college dream, exactly like that. It is common and i think it is about expectations and not checking in with yourself. See, you have not gone to class all semester and you now have to pay for it. There is something you have failed to do, you think, and your subconscious is trying to make you look at it. And the Big Dream---I am also there, it is hard but know that even ten minutes, every day makes a difference. Don't stop because you are too busy, just do what you can, even if it's for one minute. I know a woman who wrote a novel in three years on her lunch breaks--half an hour five days a week. You can do it!

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