Thursday, October 22, 2009

morning meltdown

This morning I feel like a little kid again who doesn't want to go to school because of a bully. It's actually quite sad since I'm almost 40.

I haven't gone into too much detail about my situation at work in the past except for the fact that my boss won't ever walk down the stairs. That aside, I'm not sure if things have gotten worse here or I'm just more sensitive because I'm more in touch with myself these days (and a possible mid-life crisis).

Here is just one example. Yesterday I announced I was going to lunch 10 minutes early to drop the stuff off for the 3-Day. Boss says "where the fu*k is my sign?" I must have looked confused and he started screaming about this stupid thing he emailed me about this morning. Not even anything important. I told him what I'd been working on and he yells again "you just got those changes, what the hell have you been working on all morning?" Actually, I had been backing up files from a weeks worth of crazy work but I couldn't say that because it wasn't on the List.
This is just one of a million horrible things he says to me. Things like "just do what you're told" and "because I said so". I could go on and on but I'll just start crying again.

People wonder why I've stuck around for so long. Part of it was because I once was making really good money. Also, he used to realize he was an ass and then apologize profusely or try to make up for it with money or a gift (sort of like he does with his kids!)

I feel like I'm stuck in an abusive relationship with nowhere to go. We all know there aren't many jobs and I've even come to the point where I'm thinking of other things I could do to just be able to walk out. Going even deeper, I'm a spiritual person and I can't understand the reason why I'm stuck in this position. I constantly do good for others. I'm a good person. Finding my husband was the greatest reward for that. I guess I have yet to know why I have to face this difficult challenge everyday.

To top it all off, I got my first negative blog comment yesterday. LovetoLive (who doesn't seem to have blog said
I do enjoy reading your blog,however the comments you make about Aferican American are inappropriate at times. There was no need to say, you hope to get a black judge. What is that implying?

This has me a little bit concerned. I in no way meant any offense by that. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I think anyone who reads my blog knows that I'm actually involved with Civil Rights activism. I volunteer my time and I give money to our community organizations, I actively support my neighborhood that was once the 2nd worst housing project in America, and I donate my mad design skills to the King Center and Hosea Feed The Hungry. I think that's enough of a justification.


  1. There is NO WAY you should be allowing that man to speak to you like that. It IS abusive Tina and you need to figure out what to do about it. I would never advise you but I do know that you are a beautiful, wonderful human being who deserves better.

  2. I TOTALLY agree with Helen's comments. Is there not someone you can talk to about the "Hostile Work Environment" issue? That is illegal, you know. You are too good and decent a person to have to endure this crap.

    As for the negative comment, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Those who read you regularly know that it was not meant as anything other than a casual comment. No intention to imply anything dastardly.

    In the meantime, I'll keep you in my thoughts, and keep hoping, on your behalf, that something wonderful comes your way....SOON!!

  3. Wow, this guy's insane! Does he have a boss? Because if he does and if it were me, I'd let the big boss know how the little boss is abusive, not to mention totally blowing morale and productivity(these business types sometimes only think about the bottom line).
    I'd check to see what your rights are in the workplace. No one, especially you, should have to put up with that.

  4. I know the job market is still tight, but I think you're short-changing yourself thinking there's nothing else out there. Keep looking, because there's generally a good demand for experienced folks with your particular skill set.

    As for the comment, let it slide off your back. Better yet, just delete it if it bothers you. Sometimes people read into others' words what they want or expect to see. Your innocent comment was perceived as rascism by someone who is looking for racism. Always take the harsh words (and the praise, for that matter) with a grain of salt (but no more than a grain... gotta watch that sodium, y'know).

  5. Don't worry about LovetoLive, s/he can't even spell "African". As for your horrible work situation, do you have an HR department? You should go to them, even with the language he's using, which DEFINITELY isn't acceptable in the workplace (or really anywhere else!)!

  6. Y'all are so sweet as always. I WISH I had an HR department or my boss had a boss. Instead we have a useless admin who probably sleeps with him. We are very small and to me that's a good thing...until times like this.

  7. Your boss sounds like a real jerk! I was going to suggest going to HR too until I saw your comment. Maybe seek some legal advice?

    I can understand how you feel. I was stuck in a horrible job for a year and a half, came home crying just about every day, etc. But, I just kept pumping out the resumes and going on interviews, and finally, I got into a new, wonderful work situation. Just keep at it! And as a spiritual person myself, I believe that God has a plan for everyone, and he will lead you to better things in His time. :) Hope your day gets better!

  8. Hi Tina,
    I can't add to the excellent comments already here about the Hostile Work Environment. The guy is a work place bully and shouldn't be allowed to continue to behave that way. But sick organizations, even small ones, somehow seem to let this kind of outrageous behavior slip by, esp. if he's a big shot. I'm sorry you have to deal with it, and I hear your struggle of "Why me, why now?". I guess there's always the flip of "Why not...?" Not fair, but perhaps this jackass can be your teacher today in some way. But I would sure be getting my resume together. You don't deserve that bullsh*t.

    Not much you can do about the comment, though I think Jack Sh*t's suggestion of just deleting it. Always there will be someone who chooses to be offended by something - as if being on the defensive is their life strategy. Focus on those of us who love and appreciate you and your blog!

  9. Maybe God's allowing you to go through this so you can learn to trust more and step out in faith...maybe by quitting even if you don't have another job?

  10. Sorry about the work thing. That totally sucks. But, I do KNOW you are super talented and I really think you could parlay (sp?) your mad skilz into a successful and thriving business of your own. Maybe time to make some solid plans?

    And really don't worry about the comment or the person that commented. I've gotten pretty f'd up comments before and at first I was mad, but then some people just like to be mean.

    Hang in there!

  11. What he's doing is harassing you and making you afraid. You could speak to the HR Director at your office about him. (Just a thought.)

    From the spiritual side, I know that when I've had difficult situations like that I usually find at a later time that I am able to help someone else through a similiar situation.

    Don't worry about that negative comment too much - they obviously haven't really taken any time reading through your blog and understanding your passion for the needy!!

  12. I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. I know it's really easy to say that you should do this and that about your job. But, being someone that has been stuck in an unhappy work environment (not abusive, but still unhappy) for the last 10 years..I understand that its not as easy as 'just walk out'.

    I know you'll figure out how to deal with the situation in a way that works best for you. But please remember that you don't deserve it, ok. You deserve so, so much better.

    As for the comment..don't let that persons issue become your own..mkay? This is your blog, and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone.

  13. I really don't have anything to add to previous comments, other than put in my own bit of support here.
    I totally agree with the fact that you deserve WAY better, and your boss is definitely a workplace bully. Get out if at all possible.
    As for negative comment, I totally agree with Jack. Some people only see what they want to see. You meant no offense, just delete the comment. That way you won't have to look at it anymore.

  14. Okay Tina, where do you work? I can totally show up and kick your boss' ass! Either sit him down or talk to HR but he's got to know that he can't talk to you that way. I'm serious.

    As for the judge comment. I'm black. I wasn't offended. I think you're amazing. Different people have different areas of sensitivity but I thought it was fine. Don't worry about defended yourself or your character.

    We still need to get together!

  15. Jack is right on the money about the person making the racism comment was LOOKING for it. It happens all the time.

    As far as the comment on that might differ a little from the others. Yes, it sucks, yes, you deserve better, and yes, he's totally and completely wrong. However, you are in a small office, no HR dept, and he's the only boss there. You say something, and you already know you're out the door, no question. You know how bad the job market sucks here in GA with an unemployment rate of 10.2% (it was 8.4% in Feb when I got laid off). My best advice to you is this: Your resume is the bomb. It is truly awesome. You have a better chance at finding something faster than others (like me! lol). I saw let all of his crap be what fuels you to get the hell out of there a.s.a.p. Send out those resumes, keep going on interviews every time you get one, and something WILL open up. If the money's tight now WITH the job, and I know you've posted about that before, then just imagine how bad it will be on the itty bitty unemployment check. Hang in there until you find something else..don't let the comments hurt you...use them as fuel to find something better a.s.a.p.! :)