Friday, July 22, 2011

Stronger but still weak

I did the single dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

I accidentally paid my mortgage twice.

Just so you know, if you ever do that, they don’t give it back.

As I watched my bank account go $2,000 in the negative, I have been eating like a crazy person and haven’t stopped. I feel awful. Bloated, weak, tired, nauseous…basically poisoned.

WTF is wrong with me that I turn to something that can make me feel so bad??? I guess that’s what heroin and meth addicts ask themselves as they continue to destroy themselves.

Day before yesterday, I was at my worst. I cried all day over losing our entire life savings over a stupid mistake. It’s been almost 2 years since I lost my job and that’s how long it’s taken to actually save up a couple grand again. I considered giving up my plan to start the 17 day diet (on Monday naturally!) and live on mac and cheese and white bread.

Then I came to my senses.

It doesn’t cost any more money to live on lean protein, veggies, fruit and yogurt which is what this plan is all about…at least for first few weeks.

So that’s that. I’m getting my sh*t together while I somehow work harder to make up for this devastating event.

I’ll be back on Monday for the day one update.


  1. Oh man, I feel for you. I accidentally paid some bill twice - not the mortgage, thank god, but it was maybe my utility bill (several hundred dollars) - and like you, they wouldn't refund. It absolutely sucked. That was enough to nearly sink us for the month (hate that we lived that close to the edge, but we did). Does this at least mean you won't have to make a payment next month, or did the jerks apply it toward your principle? You'll get through this - you are a strong person. But it's hard, I know. Big hugs to you!

  2. Oh no - that really sucks - but hey, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? We all make crazy mistakes in our lives that have come back to smack us in the face - but the reality is, you will get through this! It may take a little time, but you will come out OK on the other side. You may have dumped some crap into your body to cope and that's OK - be proud of yourself for realizing that continuing that pattern gets you nowhere. Good for you for sticking with your plan to do the 17 Day Diet. Good luck - we're right here with you!

  3. not that fruit is expensive in july, but i've been using frozen fruit to make smoothies (with our 2 servings of yogurt!) and it's keeping the cost down a little.

  4. thats so hard :( I have had to juggle like a cat on a hot tin roof while raising my kids at times and I did this once and it was so hard... but I was diligent and mindful about my budget for months to come and got back up to a little less stress in about 3 months... I will think good thoughts for you.

  5. Ouch! I don't know what to say except I hope this week goes better for you. No, binging and living steady on white bread won't help you feel better. Take care!