Reality

Things are starting to sink in a little bit around here. I'm experiencing a full range of crazy. Sad, impatient, scared, anxious, sleepless, bitchy, excited, tired, hungry, nauseous, etc. etc.

It started when the dietician/coordinator said the date to me for the first time -  it's not confirmed but it's looking like January 29th. When she said it I had a mini anxiety attack. A tingling from my toes to the top of my head and I thought I was going to faint.

Now I know I'm not going to die on the operating table but we're getting to the point where I'm seeing people for the last time before going in for surgery (like mom) and I'm losing my sh*t. This is completely unexpected. I don't know how I ever thought I should know what to expect since I've never had anything but wisdom teeth surgery (which was horrific and I threw up all over Worlds Nicest Ex Boyfriend - more than once). I had lunch with  mom yesterday and my sister invited her husband (which was fine) but also a guy he works with that didn't know. I kinda freaked out a little and I feel bad for it. But I apologized. (I have a feeling I'm going to have to do a bit of apologizing over the next few weeks).

I can't stop crying today so I texted the amazing Crys who has gone through all of this and of course said all of the right things and I'm going to take her advice as always. She said to allow myself to feel all the feelings and that it's scary and emotional to be so close to something we want so badly. The bad news? "This is just the prologue of crazy. You've got 10 more chapters and the benediction my friend." That was my first laugh of the day. Thank God I've been working with my clients forever and when I burst into tears on the phone they get it!

I already feel better for blogging about it so thanks to everyone for your love, support and prayers. I'm also taking of advantage of this moment to apologize in advance to anyone who has to be around me for the next 2 weeks. I love you all and it's not you it's me!