this is getting serious

Today was a big deal for me. I'm still having weird hip issues so I decided to finally get fitted for some real running shoes.

I did this once before for the 3-day but it was just someone watching me walk and then me trying on shoes. Today's experience was a high-tech analysis of my run which involved computers and video and treadmills etc.

I was terrified to go in this place. I was sure it would be full of snooty marathon runners but it was totally the opposite. I felt comfortable the second I walked in and they seemed thrilled to have yet another member of their running cult :) I also got some socks so we'll see if this is the magical shoe/sock combo I've been desperate to find for years. I'm almost looking forward to getting out of bed at 5:45 tomorrow to put them on.

Yet another fear conquered and a great excuse to keep it up. My next goal is to run to this place from my house and partake of their "free water for runners" :)

what a difference a week makes

I'm feeling about a bazillion times better than I was at this time last week. I made it 5 days to the gym at 6am and am shooting for 6 days this week. It's amazing how fast clean(er) eating and exercise can turn my whole attitude around.

I've been struggling with my left hip since I tripped over a stick in the park and caught myself from falling and I couldn't get through the run on Friday so I finished it walking and took Saturday and Sunday off. When I started this morning I still didn't feel I could run so I walked really fast for 50 minutes hoping that going a bit longer would help burn as many calories as running does.

I feel like getting up is already easier. It feels amazing to be on my way to my part time job knowing it's done and my muscles still zinging. I just wish I could bottle it up and save it for when the times when it seems totally pointless. Jack said wrote something about that last week and it's really stuck with me so I've been focusing on keeping that feeling fresh in my memory every day. It's as close as we can get to bottling it for the foreseeable future.

Hope the week ahead is a great one for all!

a little progress

I went back to the gym and I didn't die. In fact, I didn't even gain much more than 3 pounds since I've been away but that's not really the point. The point is I enjoy how I feel when I'm exercising and eating well. I'm tired of "scraping by" financially since I lost my job but that doesn't mean I have to do the same with other aspects of my life.

Only a few days went by until I felt like a I needed to set some goals so I looked back at the things I enjoy doing. Swimming is mostly out of the question for the summer since the pool is packed from dawn until dusk with kids of every age. I never knew anything could be so loud. Even underwater.

So today I (re) started Couch to 5K. I was up to week five last time - I just stopped after a huge blister from the Race for the Cure. I really enjoyed all the mini-goals and the sense of accomplishment I got from that program. It felt great to do it again today even though I'm back to the beginning but i did get to re-listen to my week 1 playlist on my ipod (and I already have them done up through the fifth week!)

I was proud of myself for doing that today mostly because I didn't get up and go this morning and that usually spells disaster! I wasn't going to make excuses so I wore my gym clothes to my part-time job and went right after. I was soaked through with sweat and it felt great.

I'm not 100% over my "bad spell". Still having intense food cravings but the exercise and extra water is helping. I'm like a junkie coming down and I just have to give it some time. Thank you all for the reminder that it's okay to take small steps towards getting back on track. I'm thankful for all the support I have around me!

back at it

Thank you all for your sweet comments from yesterdays post. I cannot even put into words just how motivating that is for me!

I did it! I got up at 5:45 and was at the gym by 6:15. It took me a little while to wake up and get my contacts in but by the time I was fine. I did 2 miles on the treadmill in 45 minutes and made sure to bump up the incline on the really good songs :)

I got home, took a shower, had my Trader Joe's O's with strawberries and just about to have my coffee and it's only 7:30! It seems I can manage at least a little Today Show time for myself AND work out! More importantly, I know this is going to give me the energy I need to keep up with 2 jobs, 2 dogs and and a ridiculously clean house.

I would love it if I could do lunch time workouts but there seems to be too may variables in my schedule by that point in the day. Too much room for excuses so for now I'm going to get up in the mornings and do this. I don't have a plan other than walking the rest of this week and starting back at week 1 of couch to 5k next week. I think I enjoyed it so much last time because there were weekly, attainable goals.

Thank you again to everyone for helping pick me back up. I plan on doing some blog reading later this afternoon and catch up with you all!

the vicious circle

I can't believe how long it's been since I was here last.

It all started with a piece of pound cake. We're not talking any ordinary pound cake, this was a real southern ALL butter pound cake. I had one slice and then was forced to take half home from the dinner party. I put it in the freezer thinking that would deter me but it only made it more delicious.

At that point I was on week 5 of couch to 5k and finally feeling good again after the ups and downs of the job loss and starting my own company.

I probably shouldn't blame it all on the pound cake. One day out of the blue I suffered what I now know was a full blown anxiety attack. I've suffered with anxiety as long as I can remember and went off the Lexapro once I was out of my miserable job situation. I had some small anxiety attacks in the past but it seemed to be going great until that one day - I truly thought I was dying.

Since then, I've had a full cardiology workup and given the all clear but I have done nothing more than dog walking in flip-flops for exercise. It felt weird putting on my running shoes when we went for a hike in the mountains over the weekend. I'm back on the meds and feeling so much better but the answer to all my other problems is exercise and I'm still not doing it.

The vicious circle goes a little like this: not eating right+lack of exercise=not sleeping well=lack of energy=not eating right+lack of exercise.

This blog post today was my first step in getting back on track. I don't have a plan other than a fridge full of healthy food and 6am gym on the schedule for tomorrow. Not even sure what I'll do yet but anything is better than this. I owe it to myself. I owe it to my husband. I'm hoping coming back to the blog will keep me accountable.

no news is good news

I didn't quite realize how long it's been since I last posted until Shelley, Tammy and Juice started checking up on me! I'm so lucky to have made such great friends here in blogland that people actually miss me.

Things are really pretty darn samey same over here so I haven't posted much. I didn't want to write a boring post about being bored :) I'm working 2 jobs, one for myself and one for someone else, and as always struggling to find the time to work out. I've been maintaining by eating well and walking the dogs but it's not enough for me. These days I need the hard exercise to keep my anxiety at bay and my energy up. I have made it to week 4 of couch to 5k and have been stuck there for a few weeks. Hopefully after a week or so of getting up early I'll be ready to move on to week 5. I'm so proud of myself for making it this far I can't give up now.

Everything is once again pointing me to morning workouts. I don't know why it's so hard for me other than the fact my mom says I have never been a morning person since birth. Things change as we get older so maybe after a couple of months, I will be that morning person I envy. I will stop saying "whatever Melissa" as the girl from the end of the street is finishing her morning run as I'm just opening the curtains. Tomorrow I'm up and out the door at 5:45. This can't be so bad. Right???

Thanks again to my girls for checking up on me. You inspire me every day!

mind over matter

I don't remember which one of my fabulous blog friends commented when I lost my job about how this was going to be a huge turning point for me in terms of finally taking care of myself. Whoever it was, you were right.

It's really weird how suddenly different my mind works. Maybe it's because I'm not being beaten down by a miserable man every day and feel like I'm worth it. It may be one of those situations where you never realized how bad it was until you're on the other side of it.

This all started yesterday which was my first day of week 4 of couch to 5k. I had repeated week 3 and was feeling pretty confident about moving on up until about halfway through my run. I just couldn't do it. I did the 3 minute followed by the 5 minute (a mere 90 second recovery) and then I just couldn't go on. I'm no quitter but it was just a bad day. It happens. Last night as we were going to bed I told my husband I was taking today off. All he said was "don't let this beat you" and that was all I needed. (yes I'm the luckiest girl in the world because I have a cute, sweet, super supportive Scottish husband...I highly recommend them!)

Today I was up at the crack of dawn and damned if I didn't show week 4 who's boss. It took EVERYTHING I had. I literally had to wring out my ponytail and my clothes were so soaked I couldn't even bring myself to throw them on the bedroom carpet. Straight to the basement :) I even have my first case of runners nipple. Almost as painful as dental surgery. Time to invest in some new bras and some Body Glide (I've only ever used it for blisters but folks say it does wonders for the nipples!)

I've definitely raised the bar. There's no going back now. I have set goals, met goals, and moved on to new goals. I remember this mindset from my past. It's exactly as it was when I lost 100 pounds 10 years ago. It's so nice to meet the real me again.