This week is just dragging by and it's a short one since I'm off Friday. It can't come soon enough.
I've been really down in the dumps again due to the usual crap. Each week I keep thinking something is going to happen to restore my optimism about my future but there's nothing happening. I continue to struggle to pay every bill but seem to work harder than ever. I know that so many people have it so much worse and I should be grateful to have a job etc. etc. but some days it really eats away at me. It doesn't help that I'm hungover from 4 beers I shouldn't have had last night but was necessary to get me through a really uncomfortable situation.
I had to go to a friends house for a get together since it's his little girls birthday and I missed the party over the weekend. The uncomfortable part? The way this little girl is taken care of breaks my heart. Her parents split up a couple of years ago and neither one of them want her. They take her a week at a time. I no longer speak to the mother so I'm not sure the situation over at her house but at her dad's it's not so pleasant. She was absolutely filthy from school and living out of a suitcase on the floor of her also filthy room. She turned 6 yesterday and I know 3 year olds that are more advanced and better behaved. She has obviously had developmental problems since she was a baby but no-one seems to give a crap. It's just hard for me to see and there is absolutely NOTHING I can do about it. It's not my problem nor my right to step in unless she was really in danger.
I'm really not sitting on my ass waiting for some breakthrough on the career/financial front. I'm working on a few side projects that I've always wanted to do and hopefully one of those will be a "way out". I also think not having had a true vacation in over a year has taken it's toll on my spirits. I thought about switching up my anxiety meds but right now I owe the doctor $500 that I don't have for my last physical which insurance didn't cover. (our "director of administration" failed to note that part when she switched our insurance plan)
Sorry to be such a downer folks but it's all part of the roller coaster ride that is my life. Things I'm grateful for today? The best husband in the world, 2 sweet rescue mutts, great neighbors and my blog friends. Oh and the 3 day weekend coming up. Now if it would just hurry up and get here!
*Edited to say that I'm not weighing in this week. That's the last thing I need because I know I've gained this week. My gym bag has sat unused in the car since Monday. If this headache will go away, I'll go tonight. I think I need it to get out of this funk.
aaahhh....I love the ending of your post! Life just is a never ending circle of things to deal with, worry about & try to overcome. BUT...as long as we continue to remind ourselves of things we are greatful for, we will be ok :)
ReplyDeleteDamn!! Wish there was something I could do to put a little bounce in your step this week.
ReplyDeleteHopefully the long weekend will give you some down time to recharge your batteries, both the physical ones and the emotional ones. I'm pullin' for ya.
That story about the kids pisses me off. I don't understand why people have children they neither want nor can care for. I started the adoption process last year for that very reason.
ReplyDeleteNothing else to say, except I understand and I'm with you. It comes in floods, doesn't it? I wish I had some really great words but I don't because I'm still struggling with the same thing. The best thing you can do is surround yourself with good people, who understand. That's it. It's the only thing that works. If you can't get out of the funk, at least keep great company while you're in it.
Wanted to share with you a quote from my fav movie Breakfast at Tiffany's, "The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling? "
Hang in there, my friend.
Oh I hope the long weekend helps you feel better. We all get down at times - it's normal. Don't deny yourself the time you need to get it out of your system. And we're all here for you when you need a lift. Hang in there - you're not alone.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Tina.
ReplyDeleteI sure hope this doesn't sound cold-hearted, but if there is really nothing you can do for the child, then I would stay away...esp. if the only thing that comes of it is doing yourself damage. But of course, I don't know the whole situation.
I hope the three day weekend can give you a chance to relax and take care of yourself, and maybe spark your optimism.
Rough day...glad you are getting a long weekend to recoup. Glad you are staying away from the evilness that is the scale - it's the last thing you need right now!
ReplyDeleteIt really bothers me that you see a child being neglected and think that it's not your place to do something. I was an abused child and I used to cry and wonder why the other adults who knew my parents were abusive sat by and did nothing. I guess they didn't want to get involved or rock the boat. But it is horrible being a child and having no hope of a better situation. Can I encourage you to talk to your friend and also be kind to the little girl whenever you see her. Try to do nice things for her like give her compliments and tell her that she has a friend in you. Also the situation sounds like flat out neglect and sometimes an anonymous call to CPS can make the majority of parents clean up their act. I'm sorry you are witness to this. It's a tough situation for you but way worse for that little girl.
ReplyDeleteIm so sorry youre struggling right now yet SO GLAD you come here and share it and get it all out.
ReplyDeleteThats what blogging is for and why we come here to read day in and day out.
not just for the "fun stuff' but to lend a hand when life isnt all wine and roses.
Hugs, (and good plan not to weigh in as well. next week.)
Miz.