it IS a merry Christmas after all!

Yesterday we closed on a refinance of our house which gave us an interest rate even our closing attorney was jealous of.

Then we got home to find my husbands permanent green card in the mail. I have worked on this for FOUR years people! I've done it all myself with no lawyer.

We were jumping up and down and hugging and kissing then went out to our local pubs Christmas party. Thank goodness I had my husband to remind me it was Monday night and that it was time to go home. I could have partied all night.

Now I can relax and put away these huge mountains of paperwork. This year my gift was not something given but a burden taken away. Interesting!

Still here, still crazy, back next year.

I feel terrible that I haven't been blogging but due to the economy this year, I've been making a good bit of my gifts and the time has just flown by. I have been so focused on that, paperwork for our house refinance and more paperwork for my husbands permanent green card. I don't even have any kids and I'm going crazy. I can't imagine what that adds to the crazy.

I'll be starting the new year with a brand new Polar F6 heart rate monitor and I'm really excited about it. Mostly because I can use it in the pool and I'm curious to know how many calories I burn while cleaning and vacuuming. I'm buying some workout clothes with my Christmas money and plan to get back on the exercise wagon full force. Along with all the other new years resolution types that pack the gym.

For now though, I would like to wish everyone out there a wonderful holiday season. Mine is filled with hope for better things to come next year. For the world and for my big fat butt : )

Christmas Craziness

I always try so hard at this time of year to keep it simple and take care of myself and not stress out etc. Well, as always, it ends up even crazier than the last year. I have a huge family, plus my husbands family overseas so it seems like just a never ending stream of shopping, and mailing and then of course the baking! So much for keeping it simple.

I've been getting quite a bit of exercise but when it comes to eating everything is off schedule and I'm in "eat what I can when I can" mode. I don't understand how I can be such an organized person and a planner by nature but I still let it get the best of me.

I was at a party on Saturday afternoon that was pretty uncomfortable because we only really knew the hostess. The food was so good though that I was wishing for some time alone with it! The ONLY good thing about being the fattest girl in the room is that you don't want anyone to see you eating so you don't.

I've been getting up earlier and earlier with the intent of being a 6am workout person by the start of the year. As much as I have tried to figure out another option, it's the only way I can fit exercise into my schedule. I hate New Years resolutions because mine is always to lose weight so I thought I would approach it differently.

I will get through this time and things will settle down again. In the mean time I will keep exercising and maybe even make time to eat a vegetable again this week : )

Blog Award

Thanks to Allison over at http://doublechinned.blogspot.com/ for my first Blog award. Sorry, I'm a little behind in the blogging due to Christmas craziness.

Here are the rules for the award:


1. You have to pass it on to 5 fabulous blogs.

2. You have to list 5 of your fabulous addictions.

3. Make sure you include the person that gave you the award and link it back to them.

Okay

1.And the nominations are:

Fat Bridesmaid at http://afatbridesmaid.blogspot.com/
Lorri at http://www.myallnaturalweightloss.com/
Juice at http://positivelylosing.blogspot.com/
Brian at http://q102briand.typepad.com/waistmanagement/
Lisa at http://meltinglisa.blogspot.com/

These are just a few blogs I among the many I read every day for inspiration.

2. Now my five fabulous addictions:

Cleaning and cleaning products. I'm the queen of clean. The Dyson diva.
Tools. I'm girly but I LOVE tools and home improvement.
Handbags. They always fit no matter how fat you are.
Dogs. If I'm ever rich I will rescue hundreds of them and live on a big farm.
Oprah. I do whatever she tells me to do : )

Serious Woman

MizFit called me that yesterday and I've been thinking about it ever since. That's exactly what I need to be right now and what I used to be when I lost 100 pounds. Thanks for the inspiration as always Miz.

Well I got up early today but I didn't get on the elliptical. I'm trying to figure out what the best way to time my new morning schedule is. I'm such a sound sleeper and feel like I can't even get my contacts in right away so I need a little time to wake up but not too much time or I'll just sit and drink coffee all morning. I know it will take some adjustment but my goal is to be in a working routine by Jan 1. Then I can seriously consider a trainer again.

I also really want to run again and so does my husband. The dogs could use it too! We're a ways off from that but maybe after I get some initial pounds off we can think about doing the couch to 5K program we've always wanted to try. I miss the high from running I can't seem to get any other way.

I'm feeling good and motivated. Now this serious woman is off to get some work done!

The last year of my 30's

Okay kids. Now it's time to get serious. I officially have 1 year left until I'm 40 and I have to have to have to have to get this weight off of me.

As much as I enjoyed having a birthday and eating delicious food I was absolutely MISERABLE in the restaurant. I had to stuff myself into some appropriate jeans which are too long to wear without a heel, therefore I had to wear a heel for the first time since spraining my ankles. It was all I could do to stand up much less breathe. Because I'm so short, I sometimes can't touch the floor with my feet in a restaurant chair so I was constantly sliding off the wood chairs. I couldn't wait to go home and put on some comfortable clothes again. How sad is it that tight clothes ruined my birthday dinner.

On a fun note, after lots of work and 8 turkey dogs for the models, the Christmas picture was a success.

Thanks to everyone for all the birthday greetings. I'm excited about the year ahead. I know I can make myself feel better and that is empowering!

I heart blogland

Y'all are so sweet for all the nice comments on yesterdays post. I'm at a strange time in my life where I only have a handful of friends and only really talk about weight issues with my husband. It's nice to get some fresh advice and encouragement. So thank you for caring about me even though you don't know me!

Hubby went to the doc yesterday and while she is pleased that he's not smoking anymore, she wasn't pleased about the 20lbs he's gained. She says if he loses the weight she'll start taking him off his blood pressure meds. Now that is something to work for! He said we would both sit down and figure out the meal plan for the week, stick to it and get our exercise.

This weekend we are celebrating my birthday which is Monday. My best friend is coming to town from Savannah and we'll be going out Saturday night for dinner. Luckily I eat seafood and salad at this restaurant so aside from my birthday dessert (shared of course!) it shouldn't throw me off too bad. Oh and the wine : ) I'm taking Friday off just as a day for myself but it's looking like I'm going to end up doing some work. At least it will be at home, in my jammies, with my dogs.

Aside from the rain and cold I'm feeling a bit more motivated today. I'm buried in work work and paperwork for a house refinance and selling my old car. I will take the dogs on a long walk tomorrow on my day off and clear the rest of the cobwebs out. Until then, I must finish up this crazy crazy day.

The opposite of me

Last night, while standing in line waiting to vote in the runoff, I realized how self-conscious I've become. As I watched other girls get in line they all looked so professional and put together.

I'm constantly worried that my top isn't long enough to cover my enormous gut. I wear the same thing every other day because nothing else fits. I refuse to buy a winter coat at this size so I just deal with a few layers of clothes. I look like a bum. I don't do much with my hair and wear very little makeup. I wear jeans and a hoodie everyday to work. I haven't been able to wear shoes with a heel since my ankle injury.

I'm sure there are people out there who would kill to be able to wear what I wear to work but I want to feel stylish again. I want to wear my cute XL Gap pea coat with the pink lining. I want to wear boots with heels and nice pants again. It comes down to wanting to feel like me again. I'm NOT this self-conscious person I've become. I'm outgoing and happy with who I am. I'm letting the fat suffocate that cute girl. I'm the VP of a company for Gods sake. I should look like one.

I think the winter has taken its toll on me already. It's been so cold and I haven't gotten my butt out of bed early yet this week. I haven't gone to the pool either. So half the week is gone and I've done nothing for exercise. I just feel flat. I think it might be PMS because I cried in the car yesterday and something my husband said that he meant to be funny. I'm such a dork. He felt horrible about it. We've never even had a fight so it probably surprised him.

What is it going to take to get me in gear? My actions are of a person who doesn't care at all but at the same time I'm more conscious of it than ever. I think about my weight constantly but act like I can't be bothered to change it. Maybe after the 1st of the year I'll think about hiring a trainer again with my bonus. That way I have no choice.

Back to reality

I can't believe how fast Thanksgiving flew by. I've been going between working my butt off or not doing anything at all. I think it's just what I needed actually. I thought I was on the verge of getting a cold but I seem to have made it go away with lots of tea and Airborne.

I didn't weigh in today but my jeans fit so I think I survived. I got a lot of exercise doing house projects too. I really didn't do too badly with eating. When I cook all day I tend to not eat as much. I did eat a ton of turkey since I'm the only one my mom trusts to carve it!

One of the big projects was laying carpet tiles in my workout room. I haven't used the elliptical since we moved in 2 years ago because the room was small and the carpet needed replacing from a leak in the corner. I dusted everything off and even ran cable into the room so I can watch the Today show while I work out in the mornings. Hopefully this will help me this winter when I can't walk outside.

This project really opened my eyes to how out of shape I am. I couldn't be on my knees for more than a minute and had a really hard time getting up and down off the floor. It's a shame really because I love house projects and my size is keeping me from doing them easily. I've never been one to say I can't do something but that is going to happen if I don't do something.

The more I think about what I did when I lost 100 pounds, it all comes back to exercise. Maybe that's why I don't remember what I ate - because I didn't adjust my diet as much as I upped my exercise. I was exercising 7 days a week for the most part and it's just time to get a routine again. It was a part of my daily life. Now that I have my room redone I have no excuse.

I made a big pot of split pea soup for the week and have dinners planned. Should be a good one. Now if I can just get my fat butt out of bed tomorrow we'll be starting the new routine!