It's so hard to be back to work after a great weekend. The weather was gorgeous, I threw a kick-ass dinner party on Saturday night, then got up on Sunday morning and built and equally kick-ass raised planting bed. Talk about the modern woman I tell ya :)
On my way to the hellish suburbs today I was thinking how I really do have it all. Aside from a little family drama going on right now, my life is so awesome. I have the best husband in the world who I could not have done any of the weekends activities without. I have the greatest house, dogs, neighbors, friends etc. I have my health. But I'm still so freakin' fat! If I could just beat this I really feel like I would have it all.
Obviously I have the drive and the energy to do so much but I'm carrying around this extra 'friend' (more on that in a minute) and it's really getting in the way. I'm tired of lugging her up and down the stairs. I can't even sit comfortably in my one pair of jeans that fit and enjoy the company of my friends after dinner. I couldn't wait to go put my pajamas on.
Back to the extra 'friend' thing. I have the skinniest friends on the planet. I would say I have 4 best friends. 3 of the 4 of them weigh under 100 pounds. When I'm around them (especially in the car) I feel like I'm the size of an elephant. I'm struggling to get the seat belt on and one of them is disappearing into the seat. I can't imagine what it must be like to have that much room in front of me in the car. I mentioned it to my husband this weekend and he thinks it's weird too. Don't we fatties usually surround ourselves with people that make us feel small?
So I have to lose the equivalent of one of these friends in weight. I can't carry her up the stairs anymore and I can't drive with her in my lap, much less bend over. I'm so tired and frustrated with her but I continue to feed her. Every Monday I swear "it's going to be different this week". I do well for a few days and am eating crap for lunch in my car by the end of the week.
I feel renewed after a good weekend of great weather and things accomplished. I've shaken my feeling of failure this winter off a little and my body is craving healthy food again. Hopefully my planting bed will yield some yummy things. I promise I will post pictures when I plant it. It doesn't look all that exciting right now!
I'm where you are mentally too - can I let the positive feelings lift me over the constant drag of excess weight? Or will the excess weight sit on and crush all the positive feelings? I know who I'm rooting for! It's SO hard and for me, can only be handled on a day-to-day basis. Otherwise, it's too overwhelming.
ReplyDeleteI used to have a blond goddess of a friend. She was tall and gorgeous and I felt like such a schmoe in her presence. The extra attention we...er..she got when we'd go out just felt like extra salt in the wound.
Hang in there - at least your weight is headed in the right direction. Better weight days are ahead...just like spring.