A funny thing happened on the way to work today. Besides having some crazy road rage freak get out of his car and come after me, I discovered I can use the other armrest in my car! I have a CR-V and both front seats have armrests. The passenger one is always down but the driver seat one is up to accommodate my extra width. Today I slid it down and had plenty of room. So there road rage freak. You didn't ruin my day!
This got me thinking about how I really don't see myself being as large as I am. Maybe it's just my brains way of making me feel better about myself. When my co-worker is in my car, 2 of her wouldn't even fill that seat. I (used to) take up more than the whole thing.
When I was in Florida recently, my best friend from high school left her jeans in my bag. I pulled them out to give back to her and was joking with the rest of the girls how they wouldn't even fit one of my legs. The sad thing was it was true. Her waist is as big as one of my thighs. Maybe even smaller.
After the golf on Saturday (which was an incredibly fun day) we saw ourselves on TV both when Tiger was on the 6th and then when Mickelson was at the 18th. The one at the 6th was a far away shot but I was still the fattest person in the group but only because I knew what I was looking for and was being ultra critical. The 18th was another story. We were right in the front row of the bleachers and because you could only see us from the neck down, it was even worse.
I wonder when I got to the point where I was denying my size. Probably after I started gaining back the 100 pounds I lost. When it's gradual, it's not as noticeable until the lid on the skinny clothes bin won't shut anymore.
Losing 25 pounds has made a difference. I can use my arm rest and I've excavated the top layer of the skinny clothes bin but I'm glad I saw what I saw on TV because it was true. The truth hurts sometimes.
I'm mad at myself for not using that as motivation to get up this morning to work out because I felt congested and tired. I will work out tonight but that's not the point. The point is I talked myself out of it and made excuses. I'm better than that and tomorrow I won't let it happen again!
Oh man! I wish I knew you were there, I would have looked for you since that golf tournament was on in my house all afternoon. You might not be at your destination yet, but having the second armrest is going to make the trip a whole lot better.
ReplyDeleteGreat job on noticing something that other people wouldn't pay any attention to! You are rocking this thing!
ReplyDeleteI love the armrest NSV - it's the "little" things that make us notice how far we've come. And hey - at least you saw yourself for real in the TV shots...I saw picture after picture of myself when I was heavier and it still didn't click with me.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the exercising tonight (and tomorrow morning)!
Yes, the truth often hurts. I'm slapping myself with the truth today, too. It ain't pretty, that's for sure. You are really doing well, tho' so don't give up the race.
ReplyDeleteExcuses will send you spiraling off course faster than anything else, I think. Way to check yourself and get it in high gear. You're doing great!
ReplyDeleteI just hit the 25 lbs lost today. Somehow I have never seen myself as the big girl in the group. I think you are focusing on the wrong things and should be focusing on the fact that you lost 25 lbs! Way to go! You are beautiful, so there, no more fatty thoughts!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you are talking about! I have reverse anorexia - I see myself in the mirror and think I'm not that big, it's not so bad, I'm not enormous....and then I see pictures of myself and I think, who IS that?? What's wrong with my camera?? :)
ReplyDeleteLittle things make a big difference! I love the CRV story.