I'm blogging today because there have been a few unexpected things that have popped up in my post-surgery journey that I wanted to share. I'm guess I'm feeling very open to learning lessons right now. Some are a gentle, sweet nudges. Others are baptism by fire.
Last night in yoga I got one of those gentle, sweet nudges. My instructor sat down on my mat and said "now I don't want you to freak out or get scared or never want to come back... (I was wide-eyed wondering what on earth could be coming next)...but you don't belong in the back corner. I want you to think about moving up - at least one row." I must have rattled off 5 excuses in a row (it's too crowded, I can't quite do all the poses, blah blah blah) then she told me to just think about it. I did think about it and realized that I had just made a bunch of excuses and y'all know how much I hate excuse makers :) So I moved up a row. And it wasn't so bad. Someone new can have the back corner now. I guess I'm done hiding out back there.
Moving on to what is just the beginning of many months of constant shopping. You would think that would be fun right? When I walk into a clothing store, I immediately gravitate to the plus size section - which is as horrible, sparse and sequined as it always is. At this point, I don't even come close to being able to wear anything in it so why do I look? Is it to see if clothes in that section became cool the second I couldn't wear them anymore?!? I have no idea. Comfort and routine I guess. Then I start to circle the normal people racks. Always starting at XL and working my way down. I feel like a fraud. Sometimes I wonder if I'm starting to look like I belong in this section? I'm not really a self-conscious person by nature but somehow all these tiny clothes in the 'normal part of the store' render me defenseless. Things I try on fit - and even look good! It's convincing myself to try is the hard part.
My head really needs to catch up with my body - that's going to be a wild ride!
Well done you, I've had a very similar experience in yoga class. I always wanted to fade into the background but now I'm stuck in the middle of it. Taking the leap of faith is hard, so you should be proud :)
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Good for you for moving up a row! I always gravitate toward the back, too. I think it's great your instructor told you that...You should definitely take it as a compliment! Moving from Lane Bryant to normal stores was quite an adjustment in my mind as well. Deep breaths, you'll get there!
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ReplyDeleteI think the majority of people starting something new tend to be a little quieter and gravitate towards the back. It is a normal reaction - i am the same until i get to know people then you can not stop me.
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I SO get you on the clothes shopping--it's HARD to come to terms with "smaller" sizes, but it will happen...baby steps!! :)
ReplyDeleteI totally understand your concern as well, but nevertheless I love working out. weight management
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