The little victories

I can't believe it but I'm still in the groove and seriously motivated. I ate A LOT over the weekend but it's not so devastating to the diet when you are working for it. How is it that I'm two days away from being 42 and I'm just now realizing that?!?!

I don't have much time for a long post today but I wanted to make a note of my little non-scale victory today. I haven't had one of those in a while! My husband had surgery today for a hernia and after we got home, I ran out to get him some apple juice and his special request for a Twix bar. Normally I would have use HIS surgery to eat whatever I wanted (yeah, that's rational isn't it??) This time is different. This time I knew I would feel that way and I was prepared. Prepared with healthy food and prepared to say no. I picked up a Twix for him without so much as an urge to get one (or two) for myself. I had my 90 calorie granola thin planned for a sweet treat later and that is what I will have. AFTER yoga :)

I'm in a good place. Let's stay here for a while shall we?

better already

I've been back at the fat fight hard core and it's totally working. 8 lbs down since thanksgiving. It's funny how just a weeks work can make all the difference in my attitude, my energy level and everything else.

The extra energy is a blessing for all the work I have at the moment PLUS the time and energy needed for my monster workouts, the never ending piles of soaking wet gym clothes to be washed and cooking healthy for every meal.

Dangerous times ahead but I think I'm in a good place to make it through the holidays, birthdays, parties and everything else that comes in December!

Monday mixtape is BACK

Hooray for still feeling inspired! I worked out ALL through the Thanksgiving holiday weekend and because of that, I ate what I wanted and still lost 4 lbs.

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I haven't been pushing myself hard enough and have gotten too comfortable with my workouts. I think my trainer was feeling that too so she kicked it up a notch which is what made me remember what it felt like to be really sore - like serious weight loss sore. I need to live in that place for me to lose weight.

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For the first time in 2 years since I left the security of a full-time job, I feel like everything in place. I've found that work as a freelancer is plentiful as long as I work really hard. Now it's time to apply that to the fat fight.

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I restarted the couch to 5k and it's going well. Slow but well. I have the app on my ipad now which is nice so I don't have to watch the clock. If I had the iPhone it would be a LOT more convenient ~shakes fist at T-mobile~

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This is getting long so I will end with this...Does anyone else desire a pair of $98 Lulu Lemon workout pants as much as I do? New goal said aloud to trainer this morning - When I get to the magical Onederland I will buy myself some. 37 pounds to that goal. I'm ready!

Thankful and Inspired

Thanksgiving was perfection (as I knew it would be). I spent it surrounded by friends and neighbors and never left my street. We had appetizers at one house, dinner at another, and dessert at ours around the campfire. I'm still smiling today and so thankful for my awesome life.

Yesterday started with cheering on a friend in the Thanksgiving half marathon and it was really inspiring. There are so many fit people in this town and I've always had this burning desire to be one of them. One would think that would be enough for me to do what it takes to get there but somehow it's not. Most of the time I'm my own worst enemy.

At some point today, I'm restarting couch to 5k. I plan to start at week 1 but since it's probably not necessary to start completely over, I'll move up in weeks or do it twice. This time I swear I won't push myself to move on until I'm really ready. I got sick once after my first 20 minute run and it made me discouraged enough to stop completely.

Okay enough computer time. Time to get movin'!!

Not giving in

This morning in my core class I felt the effects of the way I've been eating literally getting in the way. My middle is growing again and it's making me miserable. I'm out of control and I have to reign it in.

My mantra for the coming week? Thanksgiving is ONE day, not a WEEK.

I know I can do this.

Technical difficulties

Not sure how this whole thing works but I'm trying to fix my hacked blog! I'm hoping that no-one thinks I've given it all up :) If anyone has any advice, I'd be thrilled to hear it. I've googled my brains out, removed the malicious code (I think) and resubmitted to google. I have no time for this nonsense!!

Same old same old here. Still happy, still busy (thankfully!), and still fat. I work out and then I eat to make up for it. I'm back seeing my trainer one on one which is like therapy to me and if that doesn't work, it's real therapy. I have issues. I horde linens and I eat :)

I'm hoping that getting back to blogging will help motivate me especially through the dangerous weeks ahead. I will not allow myself to be that person just getting started again on new years day. There's a good amount of time between now and then and I'm choosing to get a head start.

Monday Mixtape - Bittersweet Blogiversary Edition

Hi all. I totally apologize for my lack of updates but the usual craziness disclaimer applies. I know I've been bad when people are checking up on me.

Speaking of people checking up on me, y'all know that Shelley is my hero. I posed for this picture because it reminded me of her.

I haven't been on my bike in 7 years. First day - 4 blocks!

I just had my 3 year blogiversary but I chose not to acknowledge it because I don't feel very successful. Maybe that's a mistake and I should be celebrating all the progress I've made on the fitness front and I did say this year was about self discovery. I just don't feel like celebrating because I'm STILL not in control of my eating. Work has been even busier if that is even possible. After almost 2 years of owning my own business, I still can't say no to anything so I'm working an average of 12-14 hours a day. The days that get into the 'teens' range of hours are the dangerous days...the ones where my eating falls apart. Being too busy is the number one lamest excuse for being fat but sometimes I have to admit it's a huge factor.

I have 4 weeks until I go on the first vacation with my husband in over 3 years. We are going to the keys which to me, is heaven on earth. I could lose 10 pounds and be really happy so my goal is simply to keep up my pretty stellar workout routine, combine that with some calorie counting and hopefully get back to that feeling okay in a bathing suit place by then!

My mom said she didn't like my picture on my blog so I changed it. I just had to find a headshot for a business presentation so I used the same one. In case I've never said this before, my mom is always right!

Here's to a great week!

struggling!

I have never been an ask for help when you need it kind of person which is really stupid when you think about it. I have a huge network of people who inspire me and have great ideas that get me through the tough times. That said, I'm reaching out.

Eating has been my downfall lately. I have been obsessed with food. Combine that with a terrible sweet tooth and zero interest in anything healthy and we have a problem. It almost makes me depressed when we only have chicken and vegetables for dinner?!?! I know I need to eat lunch but nothing sounds good. It doesn't help that I don't like vegetables all that much but I do force myself to eat them. I tried cutting way down on carbs and I thought it would cure my cravings but I can't deprive myself of anything when I'm working out this hard. I NEED the fuel.

I've put some more effort in this week to find ways to get more veggies in like making broccoli slaw and going to the farmers market for really fresh and interesting vegetables. It's easier in the winter because I hide them in chili, soup and sauces.

So, how do y'all get your veggies in? What keeps you full and satisfied? I'm all ears...er, I mean eyes! :)

Always a new day...

I'm feeling MUCH better than last week thankfully so I thought I owed my blog some attention. Food poisoning is awful. I think it was grocery store sushi which is a bummer because I will never eat it again. Only the expensive stuff from now on!

The week has gotten off to a good start. I was really active over the weekend...well Saturday I was OVER active and Sunday was a little slow and sore. I had my group training class last night which was a killer and off to yoga tonight. I know that if I don't start doing cardio again regularly I'm not going to lose even though I feel great. The interesting this is my body fat is down between 7 and 10% which is probably why I feel great but again, I'm working too hard not be losing poundage.

I've been a little iffy with food yet so it's been hard to eat things like yogurt and vegetables but I'm still trying really hard to eat really healthy. I told my trainer that I almost ate something I shouldn't and then I remembered how hard our warm up was for this month and I didn't want to do that for nothing :) Yet another reason the exercise pays off.

Before I get back to work I wanted to say thank you so much to all my followers. I just hit the 500 mark and it was something I NEVER expected. I started this blog as a diary for myself and am still amazed every day that people care what I have to say! :) I'm not a writer by any means and it really means a lot that so many people have stuck around and supported me through good, bad, pounds lost, pounds gained. I've even made some wonderful friends along the way.

running in circles

Sometimes I feel like my life is like running a race on a track. Some days you win, some days you lose but you never really get anywhere. Oh and there are plenty of hurdles to jump along the way.

Every week I set out with the best intentions in the world for week full of exercise and healthy eating. It's only Wednesday and I've already had a flat tire and food poisoning. I've had no exercise and have been living on white bread and ginger ale.

I forced down a yogurt this morning - so far so good - and I'm hoping to be back to exercising tomorrow but right now I feel like I got hit by a bus!
Here's hoping for some smooth sailing for a while. I need to make some progress and it's so hard when so much gets in the way.

Day 3 of 17

Hi Y'all. I just hit my 16th year of living in Atlanta so I say that all the time now :)

Despite the hideous double mortgage payment incident, I haven't missed a beat and I'm truly proud of that. I so wanted to drown my sorrows in white bread and mac and cheese.

I started the 17 day diet Monday as planned and so far so good. The book is truly terrible. It talks about things like "becoming a hottie" and the food lists and recipes leave a lot to be desired. It's very basic - lean proteins, veggies, fruit and 2 servings of anything probiotic. That's the first 17 days. After that you slowly add whole grains back in. Maybe it's because I've done every diet known to man that it seems basic...that and I hate diets. I'm doing this because I had to do something.

I thought I'd be laying twitching in padded locked room like a heroin addict but it hasn't been that bad. After a dinner of protein and veggies I REALLY need a little something sweet so I've been having a sugar free jello pudding for 60 cals. Not on the plan but I don't see how it could really have that much of an effect on my progress.

Because there wasn't a ton of money to buy food this month, I roasted a 7 lb. chicken (more than I weighed as an infant!) on the grill and have therefore had very chicken-y week thus far. Chicken and vegetable soup has been great along with a spinach salad for lunch. Breakfast has been the same as always thankfully. Yogurt and berries - just omitted my usual handful of Kashi Go Lean Crunch. Dinner is some sort of protein on the grill (or more chicken) and veggies. I even did some mashed cauliflower which was a great starch substitute. There's not much more to it than that!

Today will be my first "challenge" which is lunch AND dinner out. The plan is to decide what I'm having ahead of time and sticking to it. It's really not that big of a deal I suppose...I just tend to make it a bigger deal than it needs to be.

A mid-week check in has me 4 lbs. down (hooray!) but I will report officially on Monday which will be 7 days from my start. I was up a full 11 pounds from my arm injury and I'm not wearing my new white pants again until that's gone!

On the fitness front, because I have a seriously awesome (and understanding) trainer, I've changed my personal training session over to one of her group sessions at least for the month. That way, I can still afford to have her - just not one-on-one (which I already miss!!). My schedule is pretty much the same as well Monday,Wednesday,Saturday is my group training which is a mix of pilates and weights, Tuesdays is my long standing bikram yoga class, Thursdays I run a 5k (on the treadmill for the summer) and Sundays have been my only off day. I'm planning on walking to my class on Saturday which is about 2 miles with a mega giant hill in both directions but since I have extra time on the weekends, I might as well make good use of it.

So it looks like I will make it over yet another huge hurdle in my life. I guess that's a huge part of this journey!!

Stronger but still weak

I did the single dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

I accidentally paid my mortgage twice.

Just so you know, if you ever do that, they don’t give it back.

As I watched my bank account go $2,000 in the negative, I have been eating like a crazy person and haven’t stopped. I feel awful. Bloated, weak, tired, nauseous…basically poisoned.

WTF is wrong with me that I turn to something that can make me feel so bad??? I guess that’s what heroin and meth addicts ask themselves as they continue to destroy themselves.

Day before yesterday, I was at my worst. I cried all day over losing our entire life savings over a stupid mistake. It’s been almost 2 years since I lost my job and that’s how long it’s taken to actually save up a couple grand again. I considered giving up my plan to start the 17 day diet (on Monday naturally!) and live on mac and cheese and white bread.

Then I came to my senses.

It doesn’t cost any more money to live on lean protein, veggies, fruit and yogurt which is what this plan is all about…at least for first few weeks.

So that’s that. I’m getting my sh*t together while I somehow work harder to make up for this devastating event.

I’ll be back on Monday for the day one update.

Let's talk about food

Despite by busy schedule, you'll all be happy to know I have been working out like a crazy person. Every muscle hurts just about every day. It feels great and things are firm enough to wear white pants again but I have been ignoring the diet portion of this journey in a bad way.

I spend my precious down-time with my husband and friends – "rewarding" ourselves with food and drink. We haven't been going crazy on the junk, just richer food, eating out, larger portions, more alcohol etc. It's amazing how that behavior can creep back into your lifestyle slowly, without even noticing.

I work too hard to not be dropping weight so I'm thinking of starting the 17-day diet. I hate to even mention "diet" on this blog because I don't believe it them but I do believe in calorie shifting (lower one day, higher the next) to keep the metabolism guessing. This would just be a way for me to follow that a little more easily. I'm reading the book. I will let y'all know what I think. If anyone has any advice, I'm willing to hear it!

Have a great, healthy week everyone!

looking out for number one

I'm so ridiculously busy but had to take just a minute to blog about another one of my many breakthroughs. Are you tired of them yet??? I guess since I dedicated this year to self discovery, it's not a bad thing :)

Anyway, the week got off to a great start. Exercise every day, really good eating etc. but that started to fade a little this morning as the work piled up. I emailed my trainer that I wasn't coming to class because I was on a ridiculous deadline and sat down at my desk to work. My yoga instructors website was on the screen and the second I saw her picture, I knew I had to go to class. I grabbed my shoes and ran out the door. Class was hard, I was dripping with sweat and it was already 90 degrees at 8:30 am but I felt SO great after.

I've been blessed with these two amazing, beautiful women in my life Karen, my trainer and Astrid, my yoga instructor. They are so encouraging and I WILL not let them down!

falling on the double edge sword

Thanks for all the well wishes on the injury front!

I decided I would compromise and work out every other day this week which didn't start out to be such a great idea! After Monday's training session I was in so much pain I had to go to bed early even though she took great care in modifying things for my right arm. I was worried but woke up Tuesday feeling better than I had in weeks! I didn't go to yoga Tuesday but was back at my trainers core class early this morning - again feeling good! Even the cut is healing up quickly.

My husband called this afternoon to ask how I was and I said "I'm great! I'm busy but inspired." That's when it really hit me just how much I need my exercise routine for way more than weight management. It affects everything I do, every day. Energy, creativity, memory, focus, stress level - you name it...yet sometimes it's the hardest thing in the world to do. Especially when there's pain involved.

I guess sometimes we really do need to stop and take a step back to get a new perspective. Somehow things become easier for me on this journey when it becomes less about the weight loss and more about my well being. Now that's something to ponder! :)

always a battle

Do you ever just get tired of fighting with yourself? I never fight with anyone. Only myself. Only about food and exercise.

The debate rages on in my head this morning as I'm sporting yet another injury of the right side variety. I sliced open my thumb and ended up going to urgent care for stitches on Saturday. Of course I waited too long so I could only get glued and taped but at least it's put back together and I'm not going to get tetanus.

The cut took my mind of the tendonitis for a few days but now it ALL hurts which severely impacts my big plans for workouts this week. I'm fine except from the right elbow down so I KNOW I can do most of what I have planned but the pain makes me want to sit on the couch and eat and feel sorry for myself. I want it to go away and I feel like if I keep pushing myself it's never going to get any better. Last time I tried to stop and heal I gained 9lbs.

I'm really trying not to be so cranky about it but that's what happens when I'm frustrated. Injuries, constant power outages from storms every other day, having to listen to everyone talk about vacations.... I'm hoping if I at least try to work out this week, I may loose the crappy attitude :)

Diving back in

Ever since my hero (and friend) Shelley started swimming I've been DESPERATE to get back in the pool. That and it went from spring straight to 100 degrees here in the ATL. I may have mentioned, I had to quit the Y because I was paying way too much for a pool and gym that was dirty and gross. It literally turned my stomach in the early mornings.

Luckily I was talking to a friend of mine who mentioned the women's college just up the street has water aerobics for only $5!!! Women's college means only women in the pool. No offense men but to me that's a huge bonus! :)

The class is Monday and Friday at 7am which means I still have to train on Monday and go to Yoga on Friday but the double workouts seem to be the only thing that really makes the pounds come off. That's 6 classes a week folks. I'll be broke AND tired! I can say for sure that going to all these classes has made me much less nervous about going to new classes.

INJURY UPDATE:
Arm WAS doing great until the mass amounts of ibuprofen made me barf for 24 hours. I'm still a little shaky from it and haven't had any since but I did lose 5 of the 9 pounds I gained because of it. Not really the way I wanted to lose it but whatever....I'm going back to (almost) full strength workouts Monday no matter what. I can probably do everything but one pose in yoga and push-ups/dips. Sorry Karen :)

Have an awesome weekend everyone. I'm headed to moms the mountains where it's 10 degrees cooler!

Monday mix tape - good news and bad news edition

I can't believe it's been a week since I last posted. What was worse is that I looked back on the positivity in that last post and realized I need to get back up there again!

The bad news:

The arm injury finally got the best of me and I went to the doctor on Friday. I have a classic case of tendonitis and am not allowed to lift weights until it's 100% better. Other than that I can do just about anything but the constant pain doesn't help with motivation for exercise. I've taken good care of it over the last few days and hope it goes away soon. What's the rush you ask? I've gained 9 freaking pounds.

The good news:

I did a 3 minute plank. I swear I thought my trainer was crazy when she said that was something people did.
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The guy at the Goodwill donation truck told me I was looking great. He's seen me shrink the last few months as I keep handing him more and more clothes that no longer fit. I found that laugh out loud to myself funny.
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I just ordered peanut butter online for the first time which I find very strange but oh well! I tried a Justin's Nut Butter Honey Peanut Butter 80 calorie pack at Starbucks and it was amazing. I just ordered 40 packs. Finally a way to eat peanut butter and banana (or apple!) at my desk. It's seriously delicious.
At least there are more good things on the list than bad but the bad was a serious blow.

The plan for the week is to focus on cardio and cut down on the carbs. I hope to get this 9 lbs off as quick as it came on. I have to have to have to keep going!

Monday mix tape

I'm back! My arm is feeling much better and my trainer is back from vacation just in time. I just had a great, sweaty workout despite taking it easy on my arm. I could have been working around it all along but the rest felt needed and it made me all that more excited to get back. Needless to say, I'm going to avoid the scale for another week and just focus on getting back to full strength. Funny what a lot of stress and a lot of pain can do to ones virtuous eating habits.

I was trying to explain to my trainer how I felt while she was gone and I was injured. It was difficult to put into words. I felt like a slug. Slow, weak, tired, barely wanting to move. The fact that its in the high 90s here isn't helping but I know what the real culprit was. We ate out a lot during that time and it was that oh so delicious combo of sugar, salt, fat and processed carbs. Delicious and poisonous.

So, in a week of not much progress on the physical front, there was a ton of progress made on the mental front. Never in my life have I enjoyed my workouts enough to miss them. I've also never been this in tune with my body and paying attention to what makes me feel good (and not good!) These are the makings of a lifestyle change and not the on again, off again roller coaster ride I've been on as long as I can remember.

Hey, Hot Wing Lady part deux

It's been another non-stop week here but I'm hanging in there and enjoying my work even though there are not enough hours in the day to do it all!! I'm grateful for the abundance of work as well as the energy and God given talent to make it all look nice :)

Something happened last night I had to share. Almost three years ago I wrote this post about my relationship with chicken wings and the lady that makes them at the local supermarket.

Things have changes so much grocery shopping wise. I rarely venture into the middle aisles anymore except for dog supplies, toilet paper and salt and vinegar PopChips. I wouldn't recognize my cart if I lost it so I keep it close by. I used to be embarrassed by it especially if a weekend was coming up. I have been asked if I was having a party and I wasn't. God that's horrifying.

Anyway, I was in the seafood department and the chicken wing maker was behind the counter and came running out after me, hugged me and said "I saw you and your husband the other day and I hardly recognized you both. You look so great no wonder I haven't seen you in a while!"

I SO needed that encounter.

I was stressed and feeling snacky. I haven't been working out all week due to an arm injury that happened sometime over the weekend. I must have pulled a muscle because I haven't even been able to make a fist or lift my coffee. It's feeling better but now I'm dreading getting back to it. Just goes to show myself I can't ever stop. If I were like Shelley, I wouldn't let the injury get in my way but I did and now I'm going to pay for it!! :)

inspired!

Because of this:I did this:

2 minute 45 second plank!

That is all :)

Monday Mix Tape - late edition

I'm not really doing well with my Monday posts am I??

Still really busy. Too busy but not complaining. EVER. I've even brought some old co-workers in to help me get all this work done. We joke that we're "getting the band back together" and I love it! Yesterday was my longest day in history. 17 hours of work. It was fun work but LONG.

My workouts have suffered this week but thankfully I've been doing well with my eating so we're maintaining this week. I had to cancel my trainer appointment yesterday to go to a printer - that was the first time I've had to do that in the 12 weeks or so I've been doing it so I guess it's not horrible. No way will I let this spell of crazy get me off track.

In the midst of all the crazy, I had this brilliant idea for an anniversary gift for our neighbors. Of course I put it off until the last minute and got them in their back yard literally 5 minutes before they came home from vacation.Now we all have our own pillows and chairs around the fire pit - just in time for the hot summer! :) I made them all out of fabric from the Ikea clearance bin. Eventually I'd like to sell these on Etsy. I think they would make a great wedding gift. If only there were more hours in a day....

I'm going to yoga tonight even though I went to bed at 2:30 am and got up at 6. I'm so stiff and sore from being cramped up in my work chair and I'm ready to sweat again. I can't believe how much I miss exercise when I don't get it these days. I've always wanted that feeling and I finally got it!

Have a great, healthy week!

Monday Mix Tape (Wednesday edition)

I've been desperate to have a minute to post to thank y'all for your incredibly kind support after my 5k on Saturday. I feel like a superstar :) I'm also glad some I could offer some inspiration - I swear, if I can do it you can do it too!

The day after the race I was having some shin pain and decided to call the running store and find out when I bought my shoes. They were 10 months old already so I decided I deserved a new pairThese are the updated version of what I had and the are so nice and bouncy!

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Things are crazy busy on the work front (amen!) but that means no double workouts this week. I did manage at least an hour every day so far but I'm feeling the effects from stress of it all. I know that the workouts will help me deal with it better but sometimes it's really hard to step away from work to go to yoga or run.

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I've had a love hate relationship with the Biggest Loser over the years but there is REALLY something special about this season's group. They are amazing and every single one of them has already won. I'm motivated by every single word that they say. Jillian BOWED to Olivia at the end last night. You seriously know you did a good job if Jillian bows down to you!!! It was very touching and I don't think I've ever seen the trainers so affected by a group like that before. This whole idea that one of "us" could motivate the trainers is new to me but I get it a little more now.

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I've come to the conclusion that I only lose weight one week out of the month. Blame it on hormones, age, perimenopause, or all of the above, but I'm starting to be okay with it. I should see a little loss again in the next week or two. I still check my weight every day but I don't let it affect me like I used to. I've learned that living this way is much less about the scale and so much more about feeling strong and accomplishing awesome things.

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Speaking of awesome, if anyone is trying to keep up with my record setting planks, you've got to kick it up a notch
2 minutes 31 seconds
That's right. New record set on Monday. Karen saw the whole thing. I need to think about how I will celebrate getting to 3 minutes :)

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Now I must work. Have a great and healthy rest of the week!

5k number 3

I have to say this whole 'athletic' thing is fun :)

A nice picture before the race with my runner friend and neighbor.
I look like I'm on drugs and haven't even had my 5 hour energy yet. I was just really excited!


I'm still smiling since it's just started

Not as smiley but still having fun!

I can't believe how much progress I've made since my last 5k only 8 weeks ago.
10 minutes faster!!

While I was out there I could literally feel the core work I've been doing. I could feel the strength in my abs and my hips as picked up my legs and I'm able to take much bigger strides (well as big as my 2 foot long legs allow!)

A special shout out to Karen for helping me get so strong, caring about my core, and helping me feel good wearing that tight t-shirt with those really short sleeves ;)

Oh and I can't forget to thank our supportive spouses who enjoyed coffee and pastries while taking pictures!

Nirvana - not just a band

I always seem to head out to my yoga class feeling excited really good about myself. I've shed some pounds, have a few cute new workout outfits and can now do every one of the 26 poses without modifying anything. I'm almost ready to move out of the back row - almost.

As I've mentioned before, looking at yourself in the mirror is a huge part of the meditative side of the practice. Noticing how you feel at different times is also important and it's not always pleasant. I was troubled when I realized just how deflated I feel when I look in the mirror. I FEEL like I look like all the other girls in the class and there I am, faced with the big fat truth.

I made a decision right then that there was never going to be any negative self-talk in that room again.

I pay $16 a class to be there. The place is built on positivity. It makes me feel amazing. I'm better at it than some of the skinniest girls in there. I deserve it.

I know it's human nature to compare but I owe it to myself to let that kind of thinking go and not allowing it at the yoga studio is a good start. I will do my best to dig deep and focus on the progress I have made and not how far I have to go - especially when the journey feels so long. Maybe it will help to change what I see looking back at me.

A work in progress

Sometimes when I'm doing really well, I feel invincible and then when I make a bad choice, I beat myself up. I've been doing that all day and I thought it would be a good idea to blog about it and move on.

Friday night my husband was out. In the past I would have "stocked up" for this which is something Lyn always manages to blog so openly and honestly about. I would have gotten all my favorite food and settled in for a night of eating and watching TV. I was very proud of myself for going to yoga and coming home and eating some shrimp, spinach and white beans. Not sure what happened but by the time I had gone to bed, I had probably managed to eat another 500 calories in a kitchen that has nothing but healthy food in it. Way too much peanut butter, some cereal, a piece of chocolate, some Pop Chips.

The rest of the weekend I ate way too much and polished it off by drinking way too many cheap margaritas which of course led to waking up too hungover to work out.

I got on the scale this morning and saw the damage and was really disappointed with myself. I think that's the best way to put it. I'm not really upset about what I ate and/or drank. More about the fact that I "checked out" for the weekend and didn't even try to make up for it with exercise.

This particular part of this journey for me is all about self discovery. The why behind it all. After dwelling on this for far too long today I've come to the conclusion that last week I pushed myself too hard towards a number on the scale and probably didn't eat enough. That left me exhausted and starving by Friday night. I know better than that and will try not to let it happen again.

I'm hoping to undo the damage very quickly since I have a 5k to run on Saturday morning. The plan for the week is less meat and more water, making sure to fuel myself properly for the crazy amounts of exercise I'm doing.

Moving on now!!! Here's to a healthy week!

A great week

I was hoping to have time today to do a nice, long, thought provoking post but I just finished working and have to leave for yoga in 10 minutes.

I worked my butt off this week. I ate flawlessly despite a dinner party mid-week and a concert last night. I ate smaller portions and I was drenched with sweat every day from working out. I was in total control and it worked.

3 pounds down! Every one of them earned! :) We are almost to the teens! Have a great weekend everyone!

Monday Mix Tape

• The weekend started with this at 5am on Friday
  

(edited to protect the innocent and famous)

• Today is the first day I did 45 minutes of cardio intervals (minute run, minute walk) BEFORE I go to the trainer. Pray for me!
  
  
• In reference to the above bullet, I WILL get up and do cardio in the morning instead of putting it off until lunch to avoid 3 showers in one day. Double workouts are hard enough and I might as well maximize my time!
  
  
• Today is also the first day I ever wore a tank top to the regular gym. I wear one to yoga but that's different. Of course I saw someone I know but she was very supportive!
  
  
• Peanut butter and banana do not make a good desk snack. I forget that natural peanut butter is nice and hard when it comes out of the fridge but then it gets really runny. Also do not put anything that has touched runny peanut butter in your Michael Kors bag!
  
  
• I 'came out of the closet' and have shared my blog with some more people I know. Shout out to Mom, Meg, Laura, Amy, Alison and my sweet husband. After my experience yesterday I just thought it was time.
  
  
  
• Have a healthy, happy week everyone!
  
  
  

swim on

I don't normally post on the weekend but I had an experience over the weekend that I just had to share.

My Scottish niece and her boyfriend were in town for the weekend so we brought them to a neighborhood arts festival and had a blast walking around and looking at everything. I was so excited to see that my favorite local artist had a booth. I had purchased a piece from her a few years ago at a folk art festival and fell in love with her because she kept all her money in her giant bra and was the happiest most inspirational woman I had ever met. Her work is a wonderful combination of found objects and inspirational messages.

This one was destined to be mine

Mary is a very large black woman with equally large hair and dark sunglasses. She also wears headphones which I'm not sure are connected to anything. I spotted her right away, went over to say thank you and brought my niece with me so she could take our picture.

As we were walking away she said, gesturing to her ample curves,
"honey, I know you is tryin' and remember, you don't have to lose it all"

I was floored. My niece was in shock. How did she know??? Granted, you could assume that most larger people are trying to lose weight but I kind of have this (maybe) crazy feeling that she's some sort of guardian angel and that message was made for me.

I told the story to my my mom and she suggested that maybe I'm more open to those messages these days. Yoga helps and so does spending a lot of time inside my own head trying to work out the underlying cause of my struggles.

Even today I still feel emotional about it. It was a VERY important encounter I will never ever forget. That gorgeous piece of art is hanging where I can see it every day, next to the original one which I blogged about on my 4th post. Almost 3 years ago.

Mary, I know you will probably never read this but thank you. I be tryin' every day.

p.s. I finally lost another pound.

5 good reasons to do a plank

Something amazing happened in my class this morning and I just HAD to share.

I was doing my required plank and zoning out as much as possible in an effort to make it a little easier. I heard someone say "way to go T" and I looked around and I was the only one still up at the 1 minute 30 second mark!! I decided to try for 2 minutes and she tricked me into 2 minutes 5 seconds. Yes you read that right. 2 minutes 5 seconds.

That's the second time this week I made it to 2 minutes so I guess that's the new plank standard. Raising the bar once again!

Don't get me wrong, I don't love it but I do it. Here's why you should too. I even included a picture though I prefer to do it with shoes on.

1. According to my trainer, it's the best exercise to do for all your muscles
2. It's free
3. It's fast
4. Requires no equipment or even changing clothes
5. Progress happens FAST

Drop and do one now. I'll wait...

Seriously, I couldn't dream of even doing a minute when I started this a just 12 weeks ago.

*I'm so grateful for the encouragement of Karen, my trainer, and all the amazing women in my class for cheering me on even though they barely know me. I'd also like to thank my husband who graciously does them with me.

*That was my 2 minute plank award speech :)

Monday Mix Tape

Beautiful Easter weekend in the ATL! I ate and drank way too much but had so much fun just hanging out with my husband - it was worth it :) We did a TON of yard work including building the first level of a retaining wall/planter with 20 pound (each) blocks. Both days I soaked through my clothes so it was a serious workout. I was barely moving when I went to bed last night but woke up feeling surprisingly good - which is fortunate since I have my Monday training session later today!

Not a lot is happening on the weight loss front (more on that in a minute) but so much great stuff is happening to my body AND my brain so here's a list of non-scale victories. (bullet points of course!)

• Yesterday I felt like running from the parking lot of Lowes into the store with the big wagon. So I did.
• I'm so strong these days that I run up and down the stairs without holding the railing
• Recovery has gotten so fast. So much so I'm looking forward to training this afternoon after a ridiculous hard weekend of yard work.
• Confidence is through the roof and people are noticing
• My husband said the face he fell in love with is reappearing (awww!)
• Yoga on Friday night was easy !?!?!

Now for the scale not moving part. I'm not blaming that on anything but my diet. There haven't been many vegetables and there were several nights of eating out - things were just nutty last with lots of unexpected plans. I haven't gained thanks to all my working out but I do need to be losing. For the next 3 days, I'm not eating any meat and tons of vegetables in hopes of getting a few pounds off before my Scottish niece arrives on Thursday. The old me would have considered this week a loss and "started again next Monday" That in itself is progress.

Okay before I go, I don't know what the deal was with Easter candy this year. It was SO tempting. I was strangely drawn to, and even got close to a giant Reese's Peanut Butter Egg. The smell of it all was intoxicating. I'm glad the candy will be gone from the front door of the store and back somewhere in the middle aisles where it belongs - where I never go anymore!

where bananas go to die

It seems like whenever I buy a bunch of bananas, they are great one day and the next they look like this

I had always thought about turning them in to banana bread (which I only started liking as an adult) but I know that traditional recipes have horrific fat and calorie counts.

SOOO after much research into healthier recipes (and taste testing of course), The Hungry Girl Banana bread recipe wins hands down. This is quickly becoming my favorite breakfast on the go.

My kitchen is ridiculously small and I have to use my stove for extra counter space.

Lucy does not help

Ingredients:
1 1/4 cups whole-wheat flour
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 cup Splenda No Calorie Sweetener (granulated)
1 1/2 cups mashed ripe bananas (about 3 bananas)
1/2 cup fat-free liquid egg substitute (like Egg Beaters)
1/2 cup no-sugar-added applesauce
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. salt
Optional Toppings: no-calorie spray butter, Cool Whip Free

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large bowl, combine both types of flour, Splenda, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon (in other words, all dry ingredients). In a separate bowl, mix together the mashed bananas, egg substitute, applesauce, and vanilla extract (all the wet ingredients). Add this mixture to the bowl with the dry ingredients, and stir until just blended. Spoon batter into a large loaf pan (about 9" X 5") sprayed with nonstick spray. Bake for about 50 minutes, or until a knife inserted in the middle comes out clean. Allow to cool slightly, and then cut into 8 slices. If you like, spritz with some spray butter or spread on some Cool Whip Free. MAKES 8 SERVINGS

Serving Size: 1 (thick!) slice
Calories: 140
Fat: 0.5g
Sodium: 267mg
Carbs: 31g
Fiber: 3.75g
Sugars: 7g
Protein: 5g

Yum

share with nice neighbors

the urban garden

It's that time of year around here when eating healthy becomes a little more fun.

Romaine ready to eat almost every day

cilantro, parsley, mint and rosemary

2 varieties of heirloom tomatoes. I'm the only one that eats them or there would be more!

swiss chard - hopefully getting big enough to go in a "gratin of greens" recipe my mom sent.

Jalapeño - you will be lovely paired with those tomatoes in some salsa

I call this one "sophie with sage " :)

I've been really busy with the garden so far this season and I can do so much more this year than I could last year. It worked outside all day Sunday and then had to go to the trainer today with really sore shoulders and hamstrings. She was very sweet about it and worked around my soreness and I still got a great workout.

Tomorrow is cardio in the morning and yoga and night which is a tough one. It almost killed me last week but I have to keep pushing myself that little bit more. It seems every pound is a fight but it's a fight worth having!

A little wobble

I've been on a roll now for months and yesterday was my first bad day in a really long time. I don't know what was wrong with me. I made it through yoga on Tuesday night and even with my favorite teacher and all her compliments, I didn't enjoy it. Wednesday morning I skipped my group training class because I didn't even think my body could move. I dragged myself into the office all cranky. I felt like someone had secretly replaced my coffee with decaf. All day I felt nauseous, tired, anxious, and wanting to eat anything with carbs. I had some popcorn and that helped but then had a double serving of red potatoes for dinner. Other than that, I think I managed to maintain control.

It never ceases to amaze me how I can be moving along and feeling great and then all of a sudden, like a switch, want to eat everything in sight and don't want to move. It makes me think about how many times I've given into that after so much progress had been made. I was really scared that it was one of those times again. I went to bed early so I wouldn't eat anything else :)

Luckily, I woke up today feeling much better, though a bit flabby. I got an email from my trainer asking me how I was feeling which lifted my spirits even more so I'm making up my missed class tonight and looking forward to it. I certainly won't feel flabby after that! I ate great all day and am looking forward to a yummy stir fry after my class.

I guess we all have our "off" days where we just aren't ourselves. When our bodies are screaming STOP, REST, EAT! I probably shouldn't panic like I did yesterday because I know I have the strength and the support to get through those days.

Hello from the next level

Thank you so much for all the great feedback on my post about my goals for onederland. I've decided It can't hurt to really try for 2 pounds a week for the next 12 weeks but I'm not going to obsess about it nor will I get upset about it if it doesn't happen. The important part is pushing myself to get there regardless of when it happens.

On that note I have really pushed myself up a level on the exercise front. Thursdays had been my off day but now it's 5k day. I'm also doing at least 30 extra minutes of cardio on trainer day. Today I'm excited I "only" have yoga. I love how a 75 minute Bikram class seems like a light day! I've come a long way and I have no intention of stopping. The more I do, the more I have energy to do. It's truly amazing.

Weekends I could probably be doing a little more but since it's yard work season and I tend to soak through my clothes on a Saturday and Sunday, I count it as a workout. That probably won't be the case when it's in the 100s but that's when the treadmill with the fan pointed at it becomes a great option :)

I really feel like there's no going back now. I'm looking forward to a summer full of activity instead of dreading wearing short sleeves. That, to me, is freedom!

The quest for onederland

It's so nice to finally see my hard work paying off on the scale again. If only the weight loss was as consistent as my workouts we'd be fine! :)

As I work my way into the teens, I can't help but think about the next big goal - the almighty onederland. Last time I was there was shortly after my wedding. I look forward to getting there and staying for the rest of my days!

I haven't been setting weight loss goals because it's been so up and down even though I'm being as healthy as I can be. I've been great at accepting that it's just one of those things that comes along with being in my 40s and focusing on the wonderful changes in myself and my body. It got me thinking that it might just be fear of failing that keeps me from setting any real goals.

Is it time to push myself and set an attainable goal?

I have 24 pounds to lose to get to onderland and exactly 12 weeks until I go to the beach for a week. It would be "onederful" to revisit our honeymoon destination close to my honeymoon weight!

I'm interested in what you my dear blog friends have to say about this. I'm really scared to commit to that but then again I was scared to go to Bikram and look at me now - the master Yogini :) Discuss!

Tales from the City

I had a wonderful time on my whirlwind trip to New York. It's a wonderful place but I'm happy to be home where it's quiet :)

As promised, I ate and drank my way across the city

started out Friday at this fabulous French restaurant for lunch

then we went shopping on 5th avenue where the only interesting thing I saw was this
(Barbie Fooseball table in FAO Schwartz - my friend has a kids to shop for - it's the only reason I was there but this made it worth it!)

Friday Nights dinner was another culinary adventurewe shared the pasta and didn't have dessert!


I think there was a bagel and a Latte Saturday morning before shopping which I didn't take a picture of and we really didn't eat lunch because we were saving room for this

Great dinner with old friends too. Went to a beer bar after and stayed out until 1 in the morning.
This is me with my boyfriend from when I was 16!


Sunday Brunch was at Balthazar and it was also divine. I couldn't bring myself to photograph my food in there. Too fancy :) After that we went here


Belive it or not we didn't eat anything but I bought this fancy insulated lunch bag

Okay so now I'm back, stepped on the scale and guess what?? I lost 4 pounds. I bet we walked 15 miles and it paid off! So awesome to have such a blast and have that to come back to!

I'm back to eating like a normal person. Had some brown rice sushi and some fruit for lunch and a turkey burger for dinner.

My trainer is gone this week on vacation so I will have to find ways to amuse myself. Tonight we took a good hour walk but tomorrow morning I'm going to hit the gym in the morning and go to yoga in the evening. It's a good week to start trying to do both yoga and cardio on the same day since I won't be going to her class which is my hardest workout of the week.

It feels great to have taken a break and it feels equally as good to get back to my routine. Have a great week everyone!!

eat, drink, shop

I'm headed to NYC tomorrow with my business partner for work and fun (mostly fun).
For the first time in a really long time, I will enjoy myself without guilt. I have earned this like never before! I don't plan on going crazy but I will enjoy myself and make up for it with a ton of walking and of course a little 80's bowling at the Bowl Mor.

I managed to lose another pound which seems like a miracle these days but I'm enjoying my workouts and the changes in my body so much it doesn't matter! I'll still be taking this trip at my lowest weight in 6 years. woohoo!

Have a great weekend everyone. I will post again on Monday with pictures!

Not horrible

I have been waiting patiently all week to see the official pictures from the 5k (since there was no way I was going to run with my camera) and they aren't nearly as awful as I thought they might be! Now y'all know I'm not a negative person but I was terrified I wouldn't see any progress.


I was wrong. I see tons of progress. Physical and otherwise. I also look just like my dad :)

It's only getting better from here.

I'm better than brownies

I'm sitting at my desk trying to work while the smell of freshly baked brownies dances around my head. I'm making them for my sisters birthday party and didn't think it would be this hard. I had to rinse out the bowl fast before I licked it. I'm staying strong because my limbs are still like jello after my morning group training session which is a fabulous (and ass kicking) hour of pilates and weightlifting. I'm not going to ruin an hours work for 30 seconds of brownie bliss :)

I busied myself unpacking and washing all my CSA veggies and I think I might make some Kale chips?!?!?! Not sure how they are but people have been known to eat them. Playing 'Iron Chef' with my box is helping me stay focused.

Last nights yoga class was probably one of the most successful I've had yet. Even though the scale hasn't gone down much, I'm noticing so much less fat getting in the way of my poses. The looking at myself in the mirror is happening a little more each time and last night my favorite instructor said how much more defined my poses are becoming. I practically skipped out of there. I joke with my husband about my girl crush on her but it's nothing more than a classic case of falling in love with your therapist :)

I'm off to go frost those damn brownies now.

calling all runners (and opinionated non-runners!)

Most of the time I use my blog to blah blah blah about myself but today I need some advice from all my wise readers as I build up my mad running skillz.

My plan is to run every other day and at least one of those days do the full 5k distance. (keep in mind that I'm supplementing this with two 90 minute Bikram yoga classes, a personal training session and a group training class)

I thought I would do that for a couple of months until I'm good and comfortable with the 5k distance then take it to the next level and join a running group.

Part of me thinks I'm putting off the joining a group part of this because I'm slow and scared but the other part of me thinks it's wise to get a little better at it.

Do I wait a while and build up some more skills and confidence or do I dive right in?

I'm so analytical these days....

Time for some change up in here and 5k recap

As a designer, I couldn't deal with my blog design that didn't match my mood anymore. I was sad and scared when I did the old one and it really reflected that. The title stays the same even though I'm not swimming much anymore but that could change any day knowing me!!

I don't normally post on a Sunday but I'm still flying high from my first (running) 5k. I did it and I ran the whole thing except for a really steep and very stinky hill behind the zoo. The water stop was there too so I had to drink while covering my mouth and trying to move as fast as possible. The rest of the time was shear joy with a few "you can't do this" moments mixed in. I haven't come THAT far yet ;)

As you can see, my 50 minute 52 second pace but was not record setting but I was so freaking proud of myself it didn't matter.

This morning I got up at 6am (again) to go out and support the Worlds Nicest Ex-boyfriend and his sister. My best friend came with me and we sat on the side of the road and drank coffee in the dark waiting for the start. The first to come through were the wheelchair racers (never ceases to amaze me - the hills here are brutal - I can't imagine) WNEBF came through and even stopped to give us a big sweaty hug. Sister and Mrs. WNEBF walked the half and came through towards the end. WNEBF finished the full in 4:30 and the girls finished the half in 4:00 on the nose.

So proud of them all which brings me to the real point of this post.

I have learned so much about myself in the last 6 months of going to yoga and I realized that the secret to it all is consistency. Why has it taken me 41 years to learn this? If I miss even one yoga class It sets me back 2 weeks. If I would skip 1 day of C25K it would set me back 2 weeks in the program. This is a huge revelation for me. Combine that with all my inspiration and energy to spare and we have a winning combination.

I have to take this huge success of my 5k and build on it. There's no going back - just like there's no going back when I set a new personal plank record or jump rope record.

I will RUN that damn half marathon next year and I hope y'all will continue to hang in there for this crazy ride.

Pants on the ground

Remember this guy? A local Atlantan, famous for about a week. I can't get this out of my head today!

I'm officially down to one pair of pants. Not one pair from last summer fit. 7 pairs of capri's are going to Goodwill and I can't say I will miss them.

Let this be a reminder to y'all to put new clothes in the fitness budget so you're not "lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground".

I will post again after my 5k on Saturday with pictures!

all good

Another week, another crazy schedule. I can't believe how easily I'm keeping up with all of this! Between work and working out I'm surprised I still have the energy to do anything else but I continue to surprise myself! I've always heard that exercise gives you tons of energy for other things but I can't remember the last time I experienced that...until now!

I have been enthused about cooking again, I can run around with my friends kid, I can walk up the stairs to get something and not be out of breath. The yard work we did this past weekend would have killed me last year but this time it was even fun and I had enough energy left to make dinner for my neighbors!

The scale this week is another story. Tom is here and brought 6 pounds of bags with him which is all water. I can feel myself sloshing around. Yoga tonight should take care of that! :) I have had a much healthier attitude toward the scale these days because I see and feel big changes taking place.

What's most different is I'm looking forward to everything I'm doing. Sunday nights I get excited to go back to my week of yoga and training. Truly a miracle.

Tonight is yoga, tomorrow is my group training class, Thursday is a run/walk, Friday is yoga again and Saturday morning is my 5k. I know I will be really bummed on Sunday during the half marathon I can't participate in but maybe having done the 5k will ease the pain.

Feel good everyone!

not so fat Tuesday

I meant to post this yesterday but ran out of time!!

I saw 228 on the scale yesterday morning. The lowest I've been in 6 months. I feel like a million bucks!

This morning I was super brave and went to my trainers group class which is a combination of weightlifting and pilates. When I got home from yoga last night I wasn't sure it was going to be possible. I looked like a drowned rat and could barely keep my eyes open but I was up at 6 and ready to go! It was an awesome group of women befitting of my most awesome trainer. I knew I would LOVE it and I can't wait to go back. Wanna hear the best part????

1 minute, 30 second plank.

When she told us our time I had to have her repeat it because I didn't believe it. The only problem with increasing your plank time is that you have raised the bar and have to do that or better the next time ;)

On the health front
The respiratory therapist says "guuurrrrllll....there aint NOTHIN wrong with you" and the Pulmonologist says it seems to be nothing more than allergy related asthma. I can't do any half marathons until the Advair starts fully working but I can do the 5k. It's a week from Saturday and because I walk/run that distance regularly, It should be a breeze. The worlds nicest ex boyfriend is coming in town to do the full marathon and his sister (who I was going to do the half with) is still doing it so I will be on the sidelines the following day cheering them on. Next year I will be in it!

I could go on for days but I have a ton of work to do. Hope everyone is having a great week. Thanks as always for your support. It's all finally coming together.

Monday Mix tape - bullet point edition

• I spent 27 hours this weekend working on a Powerpoint (hence the bullet points) If it had been sunny out I don't think I could have made it through.
  
  
• I'm super excited about my training session which is in 58 minutes. I'm going to up my plank time to 1 min 10 sec and my jumpropes to 100. I have on my super strength bra. Looking forward to exercise is huge progress.
  
  
• I lost another 1.2 pounds since I posted last Tuesday. Yes, that's right, even over the weekend. I was 230 this morning. I will greet the 220s with much rejoicing. Lower than 228 is all "fresh pounds" that were not put on over Christmas :)
  
  
• My appointment with the pulmonologist is tomorrow. I'm a little freaked out but I'm pretty certain it's all treatable. Hopefully I haven't done any permanent damage and that I'm on the right path to being healthy.
  
  
• Have a good week everyone!

It moved

The scale. Finally. Moved.

Longest plateau ever.

I have seen 233.4 on the scale every day since before Christmas. 231.2 this morning. I could have jumped for joy. Long may it continue.

Tonight is yoga and tomorrow morning I'm trying my trainers class that's a combination of weight training and pilates . I'm really excited about it but it's going to be tough. I've seen so much progress in the few weeks I've been training with her. (Shout out to Karen - you are amazing!)

Oh and yesterday I jumped rope. 60 times. Haven't done that since the 1970s!!

when your body lets you down

No one ever told me that when you hit your forties, it all starts to go downhill.

I've considered myself lucky for so long that I haven't had any issues related to my years of obesity, a history of smoking, drinking etc. I was a seriously healthy person.

My recent asthma diagnosis was only part of it and yesterday I got a call saying they looked at my pulmonary function tests and my echocardiogram together and are seeing signs of mild pulmonary hypertension and signs of mild emphysema. That has me a little more freaked out that just plain ol' asthma.

I'm seeing a pulmonologist in early March and I'll know more but in the mean time, no half marathon. I can exercise but nothing 'extreme' like 13 miles. For now. I'm hoping to be able to downgrade to the 5k which I'm allowed to do so at least I won't lose my money and will have something to look forward to.

Maybe this is why I'm struggling to get past a 5k. Maybe I will be able to do more when this is diagnosed and treated?

For the first time (or maybe I'm just now realizing this) my body is holding me back from what I want to do. I don't just want to be skinny. I WANT to be a runner. I WANT to be that active, fit person who knows no limits. I have the energy and the mindset to do all of it and the body just can't.

My trainer said last night that she thinks I'm at a real turning point and positive place in my life where I can do some great things for myself. I'm not taking that lightly. I've got the tools in place. Between my yoga instructors and my trainer, I have an army of hot chicks working on me. I can be one of them if I take this seriously and keep working my ass off to pay for it all.

you look mahvelous....

When I first started yoga I had a hard time looking myself in the mirrors that surround me. Our instructor always says to find your eyes in the mirror and focus on them. I don't want to look because in my mind I look SO much better. Last night I knew she was specifically talking to me when she said "find your eyes find your eyes find your eyes". My balance must be getting better because I found them and I looked. I really looked.

I'll tell ya, what I saw was a hundred million times better looking than the first disheartening look I too more than 6 months ago. My body has completely changed and I've barely lost a pound.

Last nights class was miserable. Too many people sucking up what little oxygen was in the room, too many men smelling of man feet, had to stand right in front of the humidifier etc. I was so nauseous from the smell I didn't do really well for the 2nd half but maybe last night was meant my time to appreciate my progress, even on a bad day.

Maybe, one day, the scale will move again.